Child Experts Not Ready to Retire Kind Old Santa

Every Christmas the story continues. A rotund man dressed in a red-and-white suit, chuckling “ho ho ho,” travels around the world, stopping at every house to leave every child a gift exactly suited for him or her and then disappears back to the North Pole until the next year.

Even in this day of Star Wars technology, that story seems far-fetched. But adults tell the story year after year to children. And amazingly enough, the children swallow the whole story--hook, line and sinker.

But is the Santa Claus myth detrimental to children? In an age in which we have the ability to blow the world apart, shouldn’t children be considering a more reality-oriented issue than a confusing fairy tale? Isn’t it about time that jolly old man retired?

“Definitely not,” says Dr. I. Lee Gislason, director of the child outpatient psychiatric clinic at UCI Medical Center. “The Santa Claus story is one of the relatively few myths that our culture has that is overall positive. For young children, Santa Claus is a powerful, shared happy myth and shouldn’t be taken away. Reality can be pretty grim without (the need for) rushing it.”

Very Benevolent Fantasy

Dr. Judith Ramirez, coordinator of child development at Cal State Fullerton, agrees: “There are differences of opinion, but my personal opinion is that it’s all right. It’s one of the fantasies that’s very benevolent. Normally, it’s very positive for children.”

“It’s part of our culture,” stresses Dr. Jean Crawford, a professor of sociology at Cal State, Fullerton. It fulfills wishes that we all have. We probably all would like to be Santa Claus. I think parents look forward to it just as much as children. It’s a chance for the parents to be kids again within a framework that allows them to be silly and young.”

Gislason believes Santa is one of society’s better kept secrets, and adults do like to perpetuate the myth. “There are actually two worlds--the world for children and the world for adults. Santa is in the children’s world. It’s one of our oldest secrets. It’s an understood conspiracy between older children and adults to tantalize younger children with the fantasy. In fact, the myth groups younger children into two groups--those who believe and those who conspire together to continue the myth.

“It’s nice to have a myth like Santa Claus in today’s society,” he adds. “Nuclear disarmament we can’t seem to do a thing about. But we seem to pull Santa Claus off real well.”

Crawford feels that the myth helps bring out an artistic side in children. “I think that there are probably some people who would like to just teach children straight science and no fantasy,” she said. “But society’s achievements don’t come from test tubes--they come from creative, artistic minds.”

In fact, the myth can be extremely beneficial, Ramirez stresses. “It’s very good for children as long as the loving and giving and sharing of Christmas is part of the Santa Claus story. To think about others, and to give (while) thinking of Santa Claus as representing that aspect of Christmas brings out the positive nature of the myth.”

However, Ramirez feels that there can be a negative side to the Santa story as well, “I think it can be very negative for children who are not in families where there is money to give or who do not receive any gifts. Then the myth of Santa Claus is that you don’t get any gifts. There’s a big discrepancy then between what you’ve been told and what you yourself experience.”

This undesirable aspect of Santa Claus, Ramirez feels, can be eliminated if the focus of Santa Claus is “on making and sharing things, she said, “that Santa doesn’t have to represent something tangible like a gift. That doing something together for someone can be a gift that everybody can give.”

“I think that that’s part of why it’s so important that people give to those agencies that do make sure that every young child gets something,” she said, “that they do have the chance to open a gift. With television it’s very hard to hide Santa Claus from children. It’s so pervasive in our culture. It’s hard to have a child not at least be curious about what Santa Claus is. And the younger the child, the more important it is that the child have something if you’ve given them the story and the myth--to try to find some type of gift for that child to be able to open on Christmas Day.

“Once children get to the point where they’re asking questions and are fairly convinced that Santa probably is a myth and really (is) their mother or father, then it’s less crucial. Then you can talk to them about ‘There really wasn’t much money this year’ and ‘We’ll try to find another way to celebrate’ and ‘Christmas is giving so let’s take these cookies to a family who doesn’t have anything.’ ”

Gislason believes television has had an impact on children’s perceptions of Santa, although his worries differ from Ramirez’s. “I think that one way that television has probably affected children’s views of Santa is that they figure out the truth sooner. I find that sad. Children get home at two or three in the afternoon and see soaps on TV. Nothing is new to them. There are no mysteries to be uncovered. Life is very mundane usually, and fantasy is one of the ways a child can escape from that.”

‘Let Them Choose When’

So how should parents let their child know that the man from the North Pole doesn’t really exist?

“Let the child bring the subject up,” Gislason advises. “I would attempt to perpetuate the myth as long as possible. I definitely wouldn’t ask them point-blank. By doing that you’re suggesting that it is a myth. Let them choose when to approach it. There are a lot of things in which children (rightly) don’t take the lead. But this is one of the cases where they should take the initiative.”

Let the child make the first move, Ramirez agrees. “If they bring the subject up and want to talk about it, then do so. Handle the situation by pushing the question back on them. Ask them, ‘What do you think?’ You can usually tell by their reaction (what they want). If they’re seeking reaffirmation, then support the myth. If they want truth, then ask them how they feel about giving up the myth: Are they ready to give it up?

“Children vacillate a lot,” she reiterates. “If they really have figured out that Santa is a myth but are afraid of giving it up completely, then tell them, ‘Santa is real because people believe he is.’ Then what you’re doing is helping the child to realize the difference between the real thing and an idea.”

Keeping the line of communication open during this transition period is important, Ramirez says. “How a parent handles the situation is important,” she said. “It can be a real learning experience for the child. Tell them why you believe in Santa Claus, how what he stands for is good.

“However,” she says, “if the relationship between the parent and child is one where the parent lies a lot to the child, then the experience may say to the child: ‘Yes, you can’t trust adults. They always lie to you.’ But if the relationship with the parents is one where communication is open, then a lot of times the child is very grateful that the myth wasn’t destroyed.”

Gislason agrees: “There’s a short time there after the child first finds out that is confusing. But after that, they join a new ‘club’--they’ve figured out the secret and they’re pretty smug about it.

“Most older children are pretty good about keeping the myth going,” he adds. “They remember how much fun it was for them and want it to continue. I have a 5-year-old who still believes 100% in Santa Claus. I also have a 9-year-old who’s figured the secret out. But she plays right along with it and doesn’t let on at all.”

What should a parent do in those cases where an older child doesn’t play along with keeping the secret and tells a child who believes in Santa that Santa doesn’t exist?

“If it’s a younger child,” Gislason says, “I would go ahead and pretend that the myth was true and raise hell with the older kids. With older kids I wouldn’t deadpan it out. I would let them start to know that it was a myth.”