ROCKIN’ ROUND THE FLAG

Is it too late to reschedule the Bicentennial? Now that rock ‘n’ rollers finally are getting into the American spirit en masse, about a decade too late, the MTV channel is starting to look more like something that could be called the USA Network.

This “New Patriotism” takes many forms. There’s Jackson Browne singing that he wished these United States were in the right (“For America”), and then there’s the America-right-or-wrong flavor of novelties like the collaboration between wrestling heavyweight Hulk Hogan and rock lightweight Rick Derringer (“Real American”). Neither vision of the red, white and blue way is very compelling, unfortunately--at least not in the video translation.

There is something uniquely American, though, in the fact that the bottom of this barrel of current video clips is scraped by a bad actor taking on a new career. Ratings are based on a scale of 0-100.

Cathode rays guaranteed to induce alpha waves:

Motley Crue’s “Home Sweet Home.” Director: Wayne Isham. Most of us might stereotype the Motley boys as a crew of heavy drinkers, bad drivers and weekend occultists, but these metal maniacs can be sentimental fools, too. The clip for this ballad (!) consists chiefly of heart-rending slo-mo footage of the band wrapping up what is presumably the final concert of the tour and taking its bows before boarding the bus. Bet these boys just can’t wait to get home, comb their hair, scrub off the pentagrams and sidle up to a nice cold root beer! 2