STAGE REVIEW : MODERN TIMES, VIEWERS KEEP THE LAUGHS COMING

Quick--name the latest health craze you would like to see make headlines. (“Eating crickets!” someone yelled.)

Now think of an emotion (jealousy, passion, suspicion?). And a good place to hold a business meeting--somewhere simple, like, say, a steam bath.

OK, that’s enough to get ‘em started. You can relax.

Just sit back and be amazed at the lightning-quick, slightly twisted minds of Modern Times, the six-member improvisational comedy troupe that puts fame and self-respect on the line three nights a week at Triteria, Hillcrest’s tiny 5th Avenue performance space.

The four-man, two-woman cast of Modern Times uses audience input like grease to make their little comic wheels turn. This dazzling display of mental finesse has been organized by director Kim Breslin into a two-hour show that never repeats itself.

With the audience supplying key factors for each skit, the territory Modern Times covers is totally unpredictable. And very funny.

Bryan Scott, Stu Shames (who also contributes some piano tinkles and fanfares), Christine Sevec, Luis (Loose) Rutledge, Rochelle Robinson and David Bender are not the kind of people you’d want to engage in a Scrabble game, particularly if you’re playing for money.

They’re the kind of witty folks who can jump right onto a cricket-eating bandwagon. Heck, give them a microphone, a few bar stools, some moody lighting and a couple of weird hats and they’ll do a whole “Phil Donnie Raphael Show” on the subject.

Or supply them with a couple dozen emotions and Scott and Shames will nimbly improvise their way down the list, pulling out more funny lines than some of us can think up in a year.

In the cozy, attic-like atmosphere of Triteria’s space over La Maison restaurant (don’t go unless you’ve eaten dinner; kitchen smells drift upward), they managed to find humor in the most obscure places, from Chernobyl to Waco, Tex.

Quick thinking is the key, of course. Several of the improv “frameworks” these gutsy performers have set for themselves push one after another of the cast forward into that spotlight with no time for hesitation or wondering. They frequently give themselves no more than a few seconds to compute the audience-provided information.

And they do it. Ninety percent of the stuff they create is absolutely hilarious. In fact, the spontaneous bits were often funnier than some of the standard characters the group slips into the various scenes.

Of course, with so many variables, there are those few inevitable scenes that flop like soggy white bread. But the wait for another laugh isn’t long.

Scott may throw himself to the floor as a 6-foot, 2-inch grunion “hunk” in the throes of spawning bliss. Or Prince might get propositioned by a gay Arnold Schwarzenegger (played by a woman). The “Coming Attractions” segment could review films of local interest, like “The Life and Times of Duncan Shepard,” or that unreleased horror flick, “Ronald Reagan Gets Reelected.”

Such was the fare Saturday when Modern Times and an eager audience unleashed their warped imaginations. But the fleeting humor so skillfully maneuvered on stage by the six comedians is hard to recapture in print. No matter--it will all be different next week.

Lighting and stage manager Sherry Hopwood also scores high in the grace-under-pressure department. Her timing was impeccable, dousing the lights on each improv the moment a cast member hit the perfect comic pitch.

Shames’ musical takeoff on Leonard Bernstein’s “Jet Song” gets the show off to a lively start, the guys in pink net tutus, the girls in black leather. This cute little song and dance about a “tough” ballet gang--nobody out- jetes this bunch--is the only totally rehearsed number performed.

It is quite clear that every member of Modern Times possesses a healthy range of performing talents. They sing, dance, act, mug, grimace and hold no fear of foolishness or failure. They look as though any one of them could make a decent living doing traditional theatrical roles--but would that be enough to keep their speedy little brains amused?

Not likely.

Catch them quick at Triteria, before they zip off to richer pastures.

MODERN TIMES Improv comedy directed by Kim Breslin. Produced by Bryan Scott and Brett Kelly. Lighting design by Dan Corson. Lighting and stage manager is Sherry Hopwood. Featuring David Bender, Rochelle Robinson, Luis (Loose) Rutledge, Christine Sevec, Stu Shames and Bryan Scott. At 8 p.m. Thursday-Saturday through June 14 at Triteria, 3681 5th Ave., above La Maison restaurant.