A DAY IN THE LIFE OF TV

What follows on these pages are glimpses into the agonies and oddities of making television.

At the end of a single workday, last Monday, a team of Calendar reporters called TV production companies all over the globe to try to get a glimpse behind the slick veneer into the real world of humming word processors, threaded videotape and rolling cameras.

We were looking for the interesting stuff . Pages of freshly typed script flying through the air, camera crews hastily moving to beat the rain or fog, producers racing to put out fires and soothe egos, costumes hurriedly sewn or cleaned in time for a scene that was to be shot an hour ago.

Most of the shows are based in Hollywood; most are destined for network prime time. Nearly 100 shows were contacted, among them 23 new ones, plus returning shows, syndicated shows, game shows, soap operas and miniseries.

Once word got out that we were calling shows, our phones started ringing. In an era of advanced telecommunications, word of mouth is still a powerful force, and publicists representing studios, networks, producers and actors tried to see if they could plant the seeds with some positive press.

Positive? For the sake of this article, that meant candid, juicy, sexy, real . Some fine series suffered because they had dull days. “You shoulda called me Friday . . .” was an oft-heard complaint.

TV’s arcane hierarchy, sometimes bordering on the militaristic, also raised its head. Executive producers rarely spend a full day on the set, but their reps often urged that we speak only to them. Some didn’t care to whom we spoke, as long as we got it right. The honchos on one and only one show, “Moonlighting,” reported that they were too busy to talk.

SKINNY PIGS ON ‘NEWHART’

Script work stopped at 2 p.m. Monday on “Newhart” (returning to CBS) so that the producers could audition pigs at CBS/MTM Studio Center. Cafe owners Larry, Darryl and Darryl, neighbors of innkeeper/how-to-author/talk-show host Newhart, get a pet pig in one episode, and executive producers Douglas Wyman and David Mirkin reported problems.

Their local film animal supplier came in with two pigs “who were the most anorexic pigs we’ve ever seen,” Wyman grumbled. One was tall and slender--all legs, said Mirkin--but the smaller one had more personality. They went with the smaller one, the producers explained, since its more conventional look would also make it easier to find stunt pigs and other stand-ins if necessary.

‘DYNASTY’ DRESS DIRTIED

It was almost as shocking as any convoluted prime-time soap plot twist: There was Joan Collins, decked out in an extravagant dress, walking across the set of “Dynasty” (returning to ABC) with a glass of orange juice, when (gasp!) someone brushed against her arm.

A dressing room odyssey followed in which the dress, comprised of several different kinds of fabrics, was carefully cleaned (each fabric required a different process). And after donning the dress again, Collins sat down--on a piece of lipstick.

Supervising producer Elaine Rich said that the crew also ran into a minor location woe during a “concept meeting.” It involved an upcoming courtroom scene. “There are a couple of courtroom sets in town,” explained Rich, “but Aaron Spelling Productions (which produces “Dynasty”) also produces ‘Hotel’ and ‘The Colbys,’ which have also used the courtroom. So we didn’t want viewers to recognize the set.” Downtown L.A. courtrooms were surveyed.

Meanwhile, on Stage 4 at the Warner-Hollywood Studios, cast newcomer Leanne Hunley had her first scenes. “We can’t give the plot away, but she was Blake’s executive assistant. And, she’s vulnerable--but with a little ‘edge’ to her,” Rich noted carefully.

ILLNESS HITS ‘ST. ELSEWHERE’

Now see if you can follow this:

Ed Flanders, who plays Dr. Westphall on “St. Elsewhere” (returning to NBC), came down with bronchial pneumonia in June and couldn’t finish acting in the first two new episodes.

Edward Herrmann, who was to make a guest appearance alongside Flanders in those episodes as Father McCabe, founder of St. Eligius Hospital, had two movie commitments, so he couldn’t reschedule his appearances until last week. Exec producer Bruce Paltrow was directing Herrmann on Monday.

But some of the scenes that had been shot around Herrmann in June no longer worked, mainly because Denzel Washington, who plays Dr. Chandler, is off essaying the title role of “The Steve Biko Story” for Sir Richard Attenborough. Scenes in which Washington appeared in June, therefore, also had to be reshot, since he could not be in the matching scenes with Herrmann.

There was a semi-happy ending. Because they’re behind schedule, Paltrow couldn’t shoot a scene Monday in which William Daniels, as Dr. Craig, is home nursing an injured hand, watching “Wheel of Fortune” on TV, and making disparaging remarks about Vanna White. And so, the legal department at MTM had time to tell Paltrow to change that “potentially litigious” dialogue. (As the scene was actually shot later in the week, the crotchety Craig speaks lustfully about the lovely White.)

A SICKENED ‘ALL MY CHILD’

FROM NEW YORK--The folks of ABC’s “All My Children’s” Pine Valley had a Real Life scare when Michael Tylo, who plays Matt Connolly, took sick and had to be rushed to a hospital emergency room. “It turned out to be something he’d eaten,” said producer Jacqueline Babbin, adding, “We wound up filming all his scenes last. Lucky for him, they weren’t anything heavy.”

The day was also marked by the soap opera debut of New York radio show hostess Joan Hamburg--who appeared as an airline ticket taker, delivering the line, “Mr. Hunter, your plane is leaving soon.” Her listeners on WOR (710 AM) will be hearing all about the experience.

‘THE NEW MIKE HAMMER’ CHASING DRUG PUSHERS

Hollywood is not all glamour. On Monday, the cast and crew of “The New Mike Hammer” (returning to CBS) were at the Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley, where guest star Anjanette Comer was being squashed by the pin-setter.

Producer Jon Andersen said that by edict from his boss, exec producer Jay Bernstein, half of all on-screen talent are women--and that includes bad guys . . . and gals. Comer was playing a bowling alley owner who also happens to be an underworld drug distributor.

Meanwhile, “Hammer’s” set designers were on trash-can patrol.

To help make a street at the Burbank Studios look like New York, they drove around L.A. trying to convince residents to trade in their beat-up old trash cans for new ones. The old pails, along with a load of dirt and 75 pounds of old newspapers, were added to the studio locale for authenticity.

Andersen said the staff “experimented for days” to get just the right “schmutzy” look.

Not everything else went quite so well. Although the episode to be shot amid the customized filth concerns Hammer’s (Stacy Keach) discovery of an abandoned premature baby, Andersen found out that the State of California won’t allow the show “to photograph a premature baby under any circumstances.” “We’ll probably have to shoot in New York or someplace where they’ll let us get a very close shot” through a hospital window, he said.

REPORTER TAKES PLUNGE ON ‘SLEDGE HAMMER’

You think Mike Hammer’s tough? In the segment shot Monday of the spoof series “Sledge Hammer” (new for the fall on ABC), the title character (played by David Rasche) commandeered a student driver’s car and accidentally sent it over a cliff--with a reporter supposedly stuck inside.

“Do you think he’s dead?” maverick cop Sledge asked the reporter’s photographer, whom the script mercifully allowed to dive out in time. “You’d better hope so,” was the photog’s reply.

Does the reporter survive in the episode? Producer-creator Alan Spencer said, “Well, I don’t want to say, but he does stop screaming when the car hits bottom.” Spencer said that the stunt took a half hour to set up and was filmed once with three cameras rolling atop a San Pedro cliff.

JUGGLING STORIES AT ‘20/20’

FROM NEW YORK--It was 10:30 p.m. Monday and “20/20” senior producer Victor Neufeld just made the final decision to postpone one of three stories set for the magazine show (continuing on ABC Thursdays at 10 p.m.).

“We’ve been trying to figure out how to bring Thursday’s broadcast (it ran last Thursday) down to time, whether to run the three pieces we have or pull one of them,” he said. A report revealing an alleged hoax behind the “long-lost Stone Age Tasaday Tribe” in the Philippines and a piece on civilian American scientists monitoring underground Soviet nuclear tests coincided with timely hard news stories and had to air.

Rather than ruin the third story--about the life style of a female Manhattan sex-crimes prosecutor--by trimming it too much, Neufeld substituted a light feature on night-shift office cleaners.

RIM SHOT ON ‘BETTER DAYS’

Portland Trailblazer stars Kiki Vandeweghe and Clyde Drexler, along with other pro players (Laker Magic Johnson was said to be interested but didn’t show up, according to co-exec producer Stuart Sheslow), were reading audition lines Monday on Stage 11 at MGM.

What they all were after is a role on an upcoming episode of “Better Days” (new on CBS), a new sitcom about a Beverly Hills kid (Raphael Sbarge) transplanted to Brooklyn. The plot-line concerns a pro basketball star who comes to visit Sbarge’s high school and turns out to have a drug problem.

THEY PREFER A RESTAURANT TO THE BAR ON ‘L.A. LAW’

“L.A. Law” (new for NBC) bought out trendy Westside eatery Primi so the series could shoot a lunchtime scene there Monday. But stars Richard Dysart, Jill Eikenberry and Michael Tucker had to eat movie prop food anyway--the real stuff doesn’t hold up under the lights.

Co-creator and exec producer Steven Bochco said that the move to Primi cost “more than the blue plate special times 10” but it was “infinitely cheaper” than trying to assemble cast and crew to take over the restaurant after hours.

Bochco, meanwhile, ate a fruit salad “and a glop of cottage cheese” at his desk as he skipped 1 p.m. dailies and hurriedly re-wrote next episode’s script with his staff. “It’s a fairly complicated story in terms of its legals,” he said, as a result of which a lot of expository dialogue was in the first draft. Bochco and crew were attempting to “weave it into the tapestry” of the episode to make it less “clunky.”

Harry Hamlin, as the handsome young partner in the series’ full-service Century City law firm, played a scene at Santa Monica beach with Susan Dey, a deputy D.A. who eventually will become Hamlin’s love interest. But fog prevented the crew from getting the romantic “sunset” shot. “We shot the scene quickly with an understanding that we may go out and do it again at a more appropriate time,” Bochco said.

‘HUNTER’: BREAKING RULES

“Hunter” co-exec producer Roy Huggins broke one of his own rules Monday: He asked a director to re-shoot a scene. “You never do that unless the director’s a close friend or he owes you money,” explained Huggins. The dailies of “Hunter” (returning to NBC) had no surprises for the veteran producer. “I said ‘I can fix that’ 14 times and ‘What the hell can I do with this?’ three times and then I called the director and told him how much I liked his work.”

Huggins threw away a script he claimed was “a total loss,” an unusual gesture since he had written the episode. An actor set for a running role in the action-oriented cop show had to be replaced because “He gave a pure sitcom performance and there was no truth in what he was doing.”

After going through his mail and throwing away the show’s budget reports (“I can’t read them anyway”), Huggins found a letter he liked from a fan complaining that the show’s move this season from Tuesday to Saturday night interfered with his poker game. “It must be from Glenn Gordon Caron (“Moonlighting” producer and the former competition). I guess he’s gonna miss beating us up in the ratings.”

SHIFTING CAMERAS ON SET OF ‘ANOTHER WORLD’

FROM NEW YORK--They were trying to shoot a pivotal scene in Mary’s Place, a bar that’s one of the settings for “Another World” (weekdays at 1 p.m. on NBC), when Camera 3 went out. So they shifted to Camera 4, which also went out. But by that time 3 had been fixed, so it went back on duty--until it broke a second time. Then it was, once again, back to 4.

“But we adjusted to it all real quickly,” laughed producer Karen Stevens, who explained that the scene involved a little girl (“her face is hidden from view”) wearing a school uniform, who knocks over a colander, steals a piece of fruit, and then runs out the door.

CHILD’S FANTASY LIFE ON ‘WONDERWORKS’

FROM TORONTO--Auditioning disabled children here on Monday for a future segment of “Wonderworks,” KCET producers discovered at least one child had a fantasy life rivaling that of their fictional hero Danny. Now in pre-production, the PBS anthology series’ season premiere, “Walking on Air,” (returning to PBS) tells about a 12-year-old who dreams of going into outer space and isn’t deterred by being a paraplegic.

Called in to audition for the lead, one creative pre-teen had tips for director Ed Kaplan on just how to shoot the show. Jimmy was afraid to play an underwater scene in which Danny discovers the joys of weightlessness, but he had plenty of theories on how the crew could shoot the scene with stand-ins.

The boy didn’t get the part but may be cast in a supporting role, said line producer Ricki Franklin.

‘THROB’ MOVE TO THE BEAT

At “THROB” (new syndicated show), a sitcom about an upstart SoHo record company, they had their first dress rehearsal Monday in preparation for the next day’s taping. Elsewhere on the Hollywood set, a punk band and Billy Vera from L.A. band Billy and the Beaters were doing sound checks. The first episode features Vera as a rediscovered ‘60s songwriter.

Record company publicist-turned-sitcom writer Fredi Towbin created the show based on some of her own experiences. Diana Canova stars as a divorcee with a 13-year-old son “who is the oldest and lowest on the totem pole” when she becomes THROB’s receptionist. “Our show is really different,” Towbin said, but then she added, “I guess a lot of people say that about their shows.”

HAIRY TIME FOR ‘MacGYVER’

Producers of “MacGyver” (returning to ABC) had to bring along a big wad of cash--about $1,000--to smooth their way during shooting in L.A.’s Chinatown.

“It’s always an experience to shoot in Chinatown,” said co-exec producer Stephen Downing. “We rent various locations, but we might spill off onto the territorial imperative of another shop owner, and they want a little bit of money for their location--or else a radio goes on and we can’t shoot.”

But it was a little boy’s hair--not Chinatown--that presented problems Monday.

Guest star Leon Fran, playing a 14-year-old boy whom mobsters pawn off as a mythical “wish child,” was supposed to sport a thick wedge of white in his hair. That’s the identifying characteristic the ancient legends supposedly speak of.

“It took a good half hour to get that hair right,” Downing said.

KICKS IN ‘SIDEKICKS’

Griffith Park Observatory bystanders were treated to a live martial arts demonstration of “Sidekicks’ ” (new for ABC) co-star Ernie Reyes, Jr., “kicking the hell out of three biker thugs,” said co-executive producer Bill Dial.

Reyes plays the foster son of detective and bachelor father Gil Gerard in what Dial called, “a cross between ‘Courtship of Eddie’s Father and ‘The Karate Kid.’ ” Reyes’ stunts are his own: He’s a real-life Tae Kwon Do black belt.

‘CAGNEY & LACEY’S’ GUEST STAR LEAVES ‘EM PANTING

They had to mop up the drool, metaphorically speaking, as life imitated art on the downtown L.A. set of “Cagney & Lacey” (returning to CBS). Shannon Tweed, former Playboy Playmate of the Year, was making a guest appearance as an actress who has her own TV series, “Detective Dee Dee, NYPD.” In the script, an unusually lighthearted episode that has Tweed’s character observing the lady cops, the police men “are just hanging around drooling,” reported exec producer Barney Rosenzweig.

And in real life? “Shannon Tweed is a very striking, very attractive woman and there were an awful lot of fellows who were panting to be at her service.”

Tweed’s gender also exacerbated an ever-present problem on “Cagney & Lacey”: “The show features two women--in this case three women--so an inordinate amount of time is spent in hair and makeup,” Rosenzweig said. “It’s not like a couple of guys who can show up unshaven and they’re ready to work in 15 minutes.”

NO-NOS AT ‘CAPITOL’

When the characters D. J. Phillips (Grant Alexander) and Meredith Dawn (Tawny Kitaen) got together in Phillips’ bedroom--for some devious plotting and heated lovemaking--CBS’ Program Practices got into the act. “We were exchanging phone calls off and on all day,” said producer Charlotte Savitz. “We wound up learning some things about what we can--and can’t do.”

Such as: The folks at “Capitol,” which films at CBS Television City, were told that they couldn’t open the scene with a shot of tangled legs and feet, unless those appendages are tangled from the knees down.

And though the script called for Meredith to teasingly pin Phillips’ hands above the bed, Program Practices said that was a no-no, because it looked like bondage. Then there was all the talk about just how high--and low--the bodice of Meredith’s teddy was cut. (Phillips was covered by a strategically placed sheet.)

A ceiling mirror above the bed also raised questions. Ah, but it wasn’t used for anything titillating--only a scene in which Phillips and Meredith come up with a plot in which she must appear scholarly. So she dons a pair of glasses and stares upward, at her reflection.

DRESSING FOR SUCCESS ON ‘WHEEL OF FORTUNE’

Vanna White had just returned from a trip to Hawaii. “She looks terrific,” said “Wheel of Fortune” (syndicated) producer Nancy Jones, who looked over 10 new cocktail dresses for White’s fall wardrobe. “She hardly ever wears the same thing twice,” explained Jones--who also met with host Pat Sajak to discuss a change in the daytime show’s wheel. There will be an ongoing jackpot, on the third round, with the prize ranging from $1,000 to $150,000.

FRIED CHICKEN AND SOUL ON ‘HEART OF THE CITY’

Shooting dominated the Monday schedule of “Heart of the City” (new on ABC), starring Robert Desiderio as police detective Kevin Kennedy. After wrapping up the second episode about a serial killer on Stage 5 at 20th Century Fox, David Soul was brought in around 5:30 p.m. to direct a police-department scene for the third show.

It was an ordinary day, associate producer Randy Zisk admitted, but there was a moment when the cast and crew let down their hair: “We sent out for Kentucky Fried Chicken.”

BLIND DATE’S AN EYEFUL ON ‘GROWING PAINS’

The pain the “Growing Pains” (returning to ABC) producers had Monday involved sex and the network. The problem was how to make guest star DarianMatias look sexy without being offensive to the audience or the network. “Darian plays a stewardess who goes out on a blind date with Mike, the Seaver’s teen-age son (Kirk Cameron), only to have his father (Alan Thicke) veto the date when he sees her,” said co-exec producer Steve Marshall.

The amply endowed actress went through various costume changes to satisfy the producers and the network. “We had to walk a fine line between good and bad taste, but in this case it’s an enjoyable fine line,” claimed the other co-exec, Dan Guntzelman.

‘GARY SHANDLING’S’ LEAVES OUT JOHNNY

So far, “It’s Gary Shandling’s Show” hasn’t made references to the “Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.” But that doesn’t mean the situation comedy (new for Showtime) won’t, in the future, said producer Alan Zweibel.

Starring comedian Shandling as “himself,” the series was on production hiatus said Zweibel, who co-created the show with Shandling. So the two were camped in the ABC Studios office to re-write episodes two and three for a later read-through.

MINISERIES ‘ANASTASIA’ HAS CITY OF VIENNA TO ITSELF

FROM VIENNA--It was the first day of shooting on “Anastasia: The Story of Anna Anderson,” and the tourism slump as well as a delay on the new Bond film scheduled to shoot there left exec producers Michael Lepiner and Kenneth Kaufman “with the city to ourselves.” For the first two scenes of the NBC miniseries, 350 extras in 1916 costumes filled the Hofburg Palace, doubling as the Imperial Palace of the Russian czars. But there was a slight drawback to that grand setting: “All the stars’ dressing rooms were bedrooms in the palace,” Kaufman said by phone from Vienna, referring to Omar Sharif, Claire Bloom and Olivia deHavilland, all of whom were in the opening scene. Half the time the actors couldn’t get back to the dressing rooms because they wewre so far away.

‘THE EQUALIZER’ SAILS

FROM NEW YORK--It was high tea at the posh Water Club and an afternoon sail for Edward Woodward on Monday--but neither his character, “The Equalizer” (returning to CBS), nor executive producer James McAdams had it quite so good.

“I got off a call from the studio (Universal) and they want a tape of the second episode, So I’m a little frazzled,” McAdams said. At the same time, there were problems with the character development in Episode 5, the next one to be shot, which is about “crack,” the cheap-but-addictive form of cocaine. So writer Scott Shepherd was sent packing aboard a plane to Los Angeles, where he would do a hasty rewrite with new head writer Ed Waters.

As for Episode 4, Woodward finished up his scenes early with Jessica Harper, who plays a blind girl who recognizes the voice of a man who assaulted her years earlier. But singing duo Ashford & Simpson were rehearsing choreography for their roles as a nightclub act which Harper’s music critic character will review at the Green Street club, where filming was scheduled the next morning.

ROLLING WITH THE PUNCHES AT ‘DALLAS’

FROM DALLAS--Shooting on location at First Interstate Plaza here, “Dallas” (returning to CBS) exec producer Leonard Katzman had trouble with Clayton Farlow’s (Howard Keel) Rolls.

“The real driver who drives the Rolls-Royce took off back to the hotel with the keys in his pocket,” Katzman said. “So we were all sitting there looking at one another for 25 minutes waiting for the keys.”

Meanwhile, two outside scenes on a 68th-floor outside patio were rained out, giving the show “some added realism,” Katzman said. It’s been 100 degrees and humid here, which almost was too much realism for cast and crew.

PRIZE CROPS ON ‘LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID LETTERMAN’

FROM NEW YORK--One of producer Barry Sand’s many tasks Monday on “Late Night With David Letterman” (NBC) was to arrange for winners in the Ohio State Fair to bring some of their abnormally large prize crops into the studio. “They looked like there was something wrong with them. They were huge,” he said of the award-winning watermelon and pumpkin.

DOUBLE TROUBLE AT ‘MAGNUM, P.I.’

FROM OAHU--Typical start of an exec producer’s day: Charles Floyd Johnson, co-executive producer of “Magnum, P.I.” (returning to CBS) got a call 6:30 a.m. Monday from the Robin’s Nest set in Waimanolo. Series regular Larry Manetti was upset because he’d shown up for the early morning call but co-star Roger Mosley, who was also supposed to be in the first shot of the day, had a stand-in on the set in his place.

“Larry wanted to know why, if Roger was being ‘doubled,’ he couldn’t be as well,” Johnson reported by phone. “I had to explain that Roger had a court case in Los Angeles and couldn’t be back in time.”

Later in the day, star Tom Selleck had to pursue actor Gary Frank, playing an overzealous journalist, across Magnum’s estate. “We didn’t have any major problems,” Johnson said, but “we missed three shots.” The reason: Noisy traffic on the highway outside the estate. The shots had to be added to the schedule for the next day.

‘MY SISTER SAM’ EXEC LOOKS FOR A ROCK ‘N’ ROLLER

At the Burbank Ranch offices for “My Sister Sam” (new for CBS), a new sitcom starring Pam Dawber as photographer Samantha Russell, they were trying to make the most of a coming segment featuring a yet-to-be-cast rock star.

The show is about Sam photographing stereo equipment endorsed by a rock star who is idolized by Sam’s teen-age sister, Patti (Rebecca Schaeffer). Though she’s hoping to cast a real rock star, exec producer Diane English declined to name names. She doesn’t want anyone to feel that he is second choice, she said.

English, interviewed at the end of a long day of meetings, complained that her production assistants took away her M&M;’s (peanuts, not plain). They told her that “I had a personality change after a couple of bags” and left behind only fruit and sunflower seeds. “So I’m on a fruit diet now.”

JOY-RIDING ON ‘STARMAN’

Producers rented a used car lot in the Saugus-Newhall area Monday to shoot part of a coming episode of “Starman” (new for ABC). Alien Starman (Robert Hays, playing the role created by Jeff Bridges in the film of the same name) is back on Earth raising his part-alien orphaned 14-year-old son Scott (C.B. Barnes) and learning how earthlings live. And after an attempt at hitchhiking, he decides he’d better buy himself a car.

But the cars on hand at the lot didn’t fit the script, so producers added a “hot-looking red Caddie with fins,” a 1963 powder blue classic Mercedes 230 SL convertible and a ’65 Chevy. Starman, who doesn’t much deal with cars back home, figures he could afford the small blue one without a top, which obviously cost less than the big red one with a top. The scene ends, says Jim Hirsch, one of the show’s three executive producers, with first-time driver Starman “peeling away” in the Chevy.

TUCKING THE TUMMY ON ‘KATE & ALLIE’

FROM NEW YORK CITY--What to do with a pregnant actress playing a single woman?

Susan Saint James, who plays divorced mother Kate in “Kate & Allie” (returning to CBS), is now seven months pregnant and writers and producers spent Monday at their offices in the Ed Sullivan Theater reviewing past and future ways to hide--or capitalize on--the pregnancy.

They discussed creating a special mattress that Saint James will sink into. Producers already have used up such ideas as “a huge bunny suit” for a Halloween episode, a flashback of screen daughter Emma’s birth, to be shot this week, and five weeks worth of traction for a broken leg, yet to come.

Quipped co-producer/director Bill Persky: “If she gets much bigger, I plan to do a show where a Toyota crashes through the wall and she’s trapped behind it.”

WORK, PLAY, WORK, PLAY, PLAY ON ‘CHEERS’ SET

“Cheers” co-exec producer Les Charles sometimes wonders if he got in the wrong end of the business. Monday was divided between working on a “Cheers” (returning to NBC) episode featuring guest star Francis Sternhagen and meeting with Dan Hedaya, who plays Nick Tortelli, on the merits of shooting the “Cheers” spinoff “The Tortellis” on film instead of tape.

“I’m getting burned out from all these meetings, and then I see all the male members of ‘Cheers’ chasing each other on the set with squirt guns,” said Charles. “Paramount is building a new nursery for our cast and the ‘Family Ties’ cast. It must be something in the drinking water because the employees of both shows all seem to get pregnant and have little girls. I don’t know when they find the time to play.”

Charles’ lunch hour is spent talking with “Cheers” director James Burrows. “We go in and out of talking about serious problems like sports and what’s in the news,” explained Charles. “It’s all work here. No starlets came by today or why would I be talking to a reporter?”

GUNS IN THE STATION AT ‘HILL STREET BLUES’

At the CBS/MTM Studio Center offices of “Hill Street Blues” (returning to NBC) writers and producers spent several hours Monday trying to figure out how a bad guy could get a gun inside the police station without a cop being totally incompetent.

A client of public defender Joyce Davenport (Veronica Hamel) has already been arrested but has to come up with a way to endanger Davenport. The client, who was arrested for stealing explosives, felt sold out because Davenport is married to Capt. Furillo.

“You sit with a problem and try to figure out which character can help solve it,” said co-executive producer John Litvack. “In this particular instance, a leading candidate to help make it credible was young public defender Sharon Fein, a one-shot character on this particular episode. We wouldn’t mind her being incompetent. We just didn’t want one of our regulars screwing up.”

‘HOTEL’ KEEPS ‘EM IN STITCHES

Guest actress Judy Geeson’s very expensive two-piece dress had to be sewn together Monday on “Hotel” (returning to ABC)--she just couldn’t dress quickly enough after Michelle Phillips discovered her in bed with her husband, Bert Convy.

“She came out of the bed in a teddy,” producer Henry Colman reported, explaining how Geeson remained modest while dressing. “As you know, we’re not allowed to show bra and panties.”

Later in the day, as Lisa Pelikan portrayed an agoraphobic who hides in the St. Gregory linen closet (on Burbank Studios’ Stage 14), Colman was on Stage 17 auditioning professional models who are to display fur coats for next week’s episode. Not all professional models, Colman noted, are qualified to play professional models. “Some of them were overly seductive, others were so aloof that nothing came across,” he said.

‘RYAN’S HOPE’: BETCHA CAN’T EAT JUST ONE

Chewy caramels and dialogue just don’t go together. At least they didn’t on “Ryan’s Hope” (ABC) when Johnno Ryan (played by Jason Addams) visited his father Frank (John Sanderford) in Riverside Hospital and brought him a box of candy.

“During rehearsal we discovered that those caramels took so long to eat, they couldn’t talk,” said a rep for the show. “So we wound up cutting the things in half.” Ah, but after Frank told his son, “I’ll have just one” (while cameras rolled), his sweet tooth got the best of him--and he took another.

A dry mouth got the best of tough guy Vinnie (Howard Sherman), as he planned a shoot-out and started to whistle for his accomplice, Brendan (Michael Mahon). But for some reason, he just couldn’t. “He’d put his fingers in his mouth, but nothing came out,” said a production assistant. Sound effetcs didn’t work either.

It was decided that Vinnie would yell to Brendan.

GOING IN CIRCLES AT ‘HEAD OF THE CLASS’

“Head of the Class” (new for ABC) spent Monday, the first day of production hiatus after two weeks of taping, going around in circles on a script rewritten over the weekend.

This episode of the new series, which stars Howard Hesseman as a high school teacher dealing with a room full of gifted students, showed the kids helping teacher Charlie Moore (Hesseman) attempt to cure his computer phobia. But what producers realized Monday is that the script for “Love at First Byte” left some real questions about just what Moore was teaching the students in return.

In their offices at a one-time Burbank motel, the production team thought they solved the problem just before lunch, said Michael Elias, one of the show’s executive producers. “We came back from lunch, and the real work began. We agonized, fought and realized we were no closer to solving the problem than we were when we first walked into the office. Nobody was creative, but fortunately we were creative enough to recognize that. We all looked at each other blankly and called it a day.”

JOKING MOOD AT ‘WEBSTER’

With “Webster” (returning to ABC) on hiatus, exec producer Bruce Johnson looked toward the future--a Tuesday lunch-meeting with potential guest star Ron Reagan. “Did you see him on ‘Saturday Night Live?’ He wasn’t that bad was he? I figure if he does our show then we get some press and good ratings during sweeps week,” said Johnson.

FISTS FLY AT ‘SEARCH FOR TOMORROW’

FROM NEW YORK--Flying fists dominated taping at E.U.E. Studios, where “Search for Tomorrow” (NBC) films on the sixth floor. The McCleary brothers had gathered for a memorial service for their father when Quinn (Jeffrey Meek) and Hogan (David Forsyth) got into it over a woman. They crashed through a table. And Quinn broke a two-by-four in half when he slammed it on a desk. That wasn’t in the script; He was supposed to swing it at Hogan.

“We kept right on filming,” exec producer David Lawrence said proudly.

TRIAD OF LUST ON ‘COLBYS’

Jeff and Miles Colby were fighting over Fallon-- again --on “The Colbys” (returning to ABC).

In all, eight hours were spent Monday staging and shooting a complicated fight sequence, in which furniture, vases and bottles (all of the breakaway variety) were smashed and strewn. In the midst of the melee, shot on Stage 8 at Paramount, was the voluptuous Fallon (Emma Samms), now married to Jeff (for the second time), previously married to Miles, and pregnant with “someone’s” child. Our source wouldn’t divulge all.

‘SPENSER: FOR HIRE’ GETS AN EXTRA LIFT

FROM BOSTON--It looked like it was going to rain out at the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority base where “Spenser: For Hire” (returning to ABC) was shooting--and that was enough to force the production company to go a half-hour overtime into lunch break, said exec producer Juanita Bartlett. That extra time doesn’t come cheap on film or TV sets that employ union crews.

And see if the scene they were shooting doesn’t sound familiar: The bad guy, played by Kent Broadhurst, jumped on a forklift and took off, so Spenser (Robert Urich) had to catch up on foot and jump aboard, where he subdued his enemy.

Broadhurst’s character’s name, incidentally, had to be changed to Brimson. “Originally it was Collier, and there was a person with the same first name in the phone book,” Bartlett said.

GETTING UPSIDE DOWN ON ‘HARD KNOCKS’

“It’s Timothy Leary meets G. Gordon Liddy.” That’s how co-executive producer Gary Nardino sold “Hard Knocks” to Showtime. Nardino spent Monday with partner Chris Thompson auditioning actors at their Paramount offices.

“We haven’t shot anything yet because we don’t have our two leads,” Nardino said. Both are cops, but one’s a former hippie and the other thinks he’s Dirty Harry. “The highlight of the day,” Nardino said, “was when an actor thought he could do the Timothy Leary character by standing on his head in a corner and reading.”

SEARCH FOR ‘MARQUEE’ VALUE’ ON ‘MATLOCK’

At the Culver City offices of “Matlock,” a lawyer series starring Andy Griffith (new for NBC), exec producer Fred Silverman was looking for a big-name actress to play the lead role in the next episode to be filmed, titled “The Stripper.” The problem: trying to find “somebody who looks great and has some marquee value and who’s willing to do episodic TV. We’re talking about people like a Morgan Fairchild.”

On MGM Sound Stage 26, meanwhile, Griffith was playing courtroom scenes with TV veteran Dick Van Dyke, guesting as a judge who murders a young girl and then presides at the trial of the man wrongfully accused.

IT’S BACK TO THE PAST FOR ‘FAMILY TIES’

To exec producer Gary David Goldberg “Family Ties” (returning to NBC) seemed to be in a time warp Monday. The day was minus Michael J. Fox, who was completing back-to-back movies during the hiatus--but he spoke with the cast from his New York filming. Also missing: Tracy Pollan, not returning as Ellen. A new regular, Brian Bonsall, age 4, will play baby Andrew, age 3. He met the cast for the first time. “Andrew will be speaking this season, hopefully delivering jokes,” cracked Goldberg.

“It’s always strange to work without a regular cast member, especially on this episode. We have two ‘60s flashbacks where Steven and Elyse (the Keatons) go back to college and try to convince an editor to publish their radical magazine.”

When Meredith Baxter-Birney returned from the set where her character attempts to convince the reluctant editor, she was buttoning her blouse. “She definitely eased the tension,” said Goldberg--who added that that piece of business definitely will not be seen on television.”

SERIOUS TIMES IN ‘FRESNO’

On Stage 12 at CBS/MTM Studio Center at about 3 p.m. Monday, “Fresno” first assistant director Ed Milkovitch turned to the cast and said, as he does every day, “Remember, this is not funny.”

The six-hour miniseries spoof (due on CBS over five still-undetermined evenings in November) chronicles the lives, loves and businesses of rival raisin dynasties, and, said creator/exec producer Barry Kemp, “This is a very important, serious story. Raisins are a serious food. I’m tired of people making jokes about it.”

Besides, “Fresno” was shooting a courtroom sequence Monday that happens near the end of the miniseries. Everybody was involved--including family matriarch Charlotte Kensington (Carol Burnett), her scheming son Cane Kensington (Charles Grodin), his lascivious wife Talon Kensington (Teri Garr), rival raisin baron Tyler Cane (Dabney Coleman) and the handsome, shirtless Torch (Gregory Harrison)--but Kemp absolutely refused to reveal who’s where in the courtroom. All he would divulge was that they were shooting in the courtroom set usually used by “Hill Street Blues” but repainted and refurnished.

‘ONE LIFE TO LIVE’? MAKE THAT TWO LIVES

FROM NEW YORK--”Guess what, guys--we’re switching your roles.”

That’s how producer Paul Rauch broke the news to Mark Philpot, playing good guy Dan Wolek, and Joshua Cox, playing bad guy Jamie Sanders on “One Life to Live” (ABC), that he’d erred in their original casting. (It was the second day of work on the soap for both actors.)

The result of the switch: “Oh, both actors were in a state of shock. They’d already learned their lines for the day--and they’d been cast a month earlier, so they’d been getting into their characterizations.”

RETURN TO BASICS ON ‘SIMON AND SIMON’

Rick and A. J. (Jameson Parker and Gerald McRaney) were breaking into the office of a competing private eye during Monday’s shooting at Universal of “Simon and Simon” (returning to CBS). The typically unorthodox investigative procedure comes after the heroes find their business thinning out and suspect dirty dealing by the new guys in town. “We’re trying to go back to what made the show successful: their relationship, the guys struggling more for cases,” said exec producer John Stephens. “We’ve given up car chases and busting into warehouses.”

DOG DAYS AT ‘THE NEW LEAVE IT TO BEAVER’

Wally (Tony Dow) is down and out in Mayfield. Sick for two weeks with the flu, Dow backed up production at Universal Studios of “The New Leave It to Beaver” (returning to WTBS). Another studio regular, executive producer Brian Levant’s dog Theta, also was struck down by illness.

“Well, the situation is better than last February, when all the kids got strep throat (and one episode was done five weeks behind schedule),” Levant said.

RISQUE BUSINESS FOR ‘THE GOLDEN GIRLS’

In Hollywood, the girls of “The Golden Girls” (returning to NBC) were reading next episode’s script--about an old friend of Dorothy’s (Bea Arthur) who comes to visit and turns out to be a lesbian. Blanche (Rue McLanahan) “can’t understand what Jean (Lois Nettleton) doesn’t see in the opposite sex.” But she’s even more dumbfounded when she learns Jean is in love with Rose (Betty White). “To think Jean would find Rose more attractive than me ,” Blanche says. “That’s ridiculous.”

‘CRIME STORY’ LOOKS FOR THE ‘60S AT A GOLF COURSE

FROM CHICAGO--Shooting on “Crime Story” (new for NBC), the ‘60s police serial from “Miami Vice” exec producer Michael Mann, went “like clockwork” on Monday, said producer Peter McIntosh. It was largely due to good weather. Though the show is heavy with old-fashioned, pre-Miranda violence by both cops and crooks, Monday’s shoot took place pool-side at a resort, where lead character Lt. Mike Torello (played by real one-time Chicago cop Dennis Farina) was trying to patch up marital problems with his wife (Darlanne Fluegel).

“Actually, it was a golf course not far from O’Hare Airport,” McIntosh explained. Bona fide resorts in the Windy City were rejected as being either too conservative or too modern for this series, which is to do for ‘60s style what “Miami Vice” did for ‘80s cool. “It’s important to make the statement about the time and we accent that in all locations.”

RAIN PUTS THE SQUEEZE ON ‘MIAMI VICE’ CREW

FROM MIAMI--Don Johnson had a touch of the flu Monday, but “trouper that he is, he did report for work” on “Miami Vice” (returning to NBC), according to producer Richard Brams.

Then the rain came.

“We did one of our Miami magic tricks where we switched our schedule around and set up very quickly inside,” Brams said. The company--including guest actors G. Gordon Liddy and Bob Balaban, reprising roles from an episode last season--moved to the interior of a local TV station for a key sequence. (Brams said that telling any more would give away a plot twist.) By the time that was done the rain had stopped.

From a low point of being a full hour behind, the “Vice” squad finished up only 19 minutes over schedule.

SAVORING A TASTE OF FREEDOM ON ‘AMEN’

Veteran TV creator Ed Weinberger, exec producer of “Amen” (new for NBC) said his staff slept late, “savoring the last 48 hours of freedom before we film again.” Reflecting the comic cynicism of star Sherman Hemsley’s character--a Philadelphia church deacon--Weinberger spent the day alone and enjoyed his own company. “I didn’t talk to anybody. Nobody came in. I had a writer’s meeting with myself, but I can’t tell you what happened because I haven’t written the script yet. I like not to talk to my stars for at least a day, so I had fun. What I did today won’t win an Emmy, but I don’t think it will stop the progress of world peace either.”

Reports from Barbara Isenberg, Pat H. Broeske, Craig Modderno, Mark de la Vina and William Chitwood.