Bears May Get a Kick Out of Perry

The Chicago Bears meet Buddy Ryan and his Philadelphia Eagles in the second game of the season, and already the Bears are planning some surprises for their old defensive coordinator.

Last week, according to the Philadelphia Inquirer, Bear special teams coach Steve Kazor revealed that he was thinking about letting William Perry boot the opening kickoff. Actually, this was something of a concession to Perry, the man Ryan called a wasted draft choice last year. Originally, Perry asked Kazor if he could return the opening kickoff.

Ryan, when told of all this, reacted with his usual aplomb.

“Tell them,” he said, “that if they really want to surprise me, they should bench Walter Payton.”

Add Bears: Coach Mike Ditka, who played on the 1963 championship team with such rowdies as Doug Atkins, said in his new book: “I would say the 1963 team would have put these guys to shame on Bourbon Street. Even if we would have had to be back in, we would have brought half the street with us. That was just the way we were. These guys were pretty good, though. They didn’t let any moss grow under their feet.”

Add Ditka: If you’re in Chicago with no hotel reservation and go to Ditka’s Restaurant for a few drinks, no need to worry. If you look like you’ve had too many, Ditka’s valet service will drive you in your car two blocks to the River North Hotel. For $25, you will get lodging, a toothbrush, a razor, a newspaper and a continental breakfast next morning--with plenty of coffee.

Trivia Time: What three NFL teams have had two runners gain over 1,000 yards in the same season? (Answer below).

Said New York Giants Coach Bill Parcells, after Eric Dorsey, rookie defensive end from Notre Dame, went through his second workout following a holdout: “He doesn’t know nothing except where the hotel is.”

Dorsey denied it.

“Hey, I’ve got no idea where the hotel is,” he said.

Headline in The Sporting News: “Just Call Gooden Dr. 6-3.” Translation: The New York Mets right-hander now is going for ground-outs rather than strikeouts.

After averaging 8.72 strikeouts a game last season, Gooden is down to 6.99 this season.

Said reporter Jack Lang: “Dr. K has gone from strikeout specialist to general practitioner.”

46 Years Ago Today: On Aug. 24, 1940, outfielder Ted Williams pitched the last two innings for the Boston Red Sox against Detroit at Fenway Park. He allowed one run on three hits but struck out Rudy York on three pitches. The Tigers, behind Tommy Bridges, won, 12-1.

If you’re rooting for Ohio State in the Kickoff game against Alabama at the Meadowlands Wednesday night, the good news is that Earle Bruce is 7-0 in openers and Ohio State has not lost a road opener in this century.

The bad news is that Ohio State safety Terry White has been suspended for a training violation. This was White’s third suspension. He was suspended two seasons ago before the Rose Bowl game against USC. He was suspended last season before the game against Wisconsin. USC won, 20-17. Wisconsin won, 12-7.

San Francisco Giants catcher Bob Brenly, after batting against Pittsburgh’s Rick Rhoden, who has been accused of scuffing up the baseball: “I don’t know why they just don’t do away with the rule book and let him take a chainsaw out there.”

Trivia Answer: Miami Dolphins (Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris) in 1972, Pittsburgh Steelers (Franco Harris and Rocky Bleier) in 1976, Cleveland Browns (Earnest Byner and Kevin Mack) in 1985.

Quotebook

Cleveland Indians Manager Pat Corrales, on why he always wears a windbreaker: “It keeps you cooler. People don’t believe me, but have you ever seen a naked Arab?”