Northern Illinois Has Gone South

It’s not going to be much fun for Northern Illinois against No. 1-rated Miami tonight at the Orange Bowl, but at least the coaching staff is approaching it in good humor, albeit of the gallows variety.

Said assistant coach Pat Ruel Friday: “We’re taking our players to the finest restaurant in Miami tonight and let them order whatever they want. That’s traditional for a last meal.”

And after the wreckage?

“We’ve got an open date next week,” said Ruel, “so at least we’ll have time to check into a hospital. Players will be going into intensive care; coaches will go to the psychiatric ward.”

Said Larry Bird, when asked about Boston’s acquisition of 6-10 forward Fred Roberts from Utah: “He was the best player available, before you get into those guys worth millions of dollars. He can come in any time and help you. He’ll be fine as long as he remembers that when he’s in trouble, just give the ball to me.”

Add Utah: After coming from the Detroit Pistons to join the Jazz, Kent Benson bought a shirt that read, “Welcome to Utah, where everything is either illegal, immoral or fattening.”

Trivia Time: What was the first team to draft University of Pittsburgh quarterback Dan Marino in 1983? (Answer below.)

If you’re wondering where baseball’s four division winners were rated before the season, the only one picked to win by Sports Illustrated was the New York Mets.

Otherwise, the Angels were placed sixth, the Boston Red Sox fifth and the Houston Astros fifth. The magazine predicted that the Angels would finish 30 games behind Kansas City, the Astros 33 behind Cincinnati and the Red Sox 19 behind Toronto.

Wait a Minute: From the Associated Press: “HOUSTON--Vice President George Bush will open the first game of the National League baseball championship series between the Houston Astros and the New York Mets, an Astros spokesman announced Friday.”

Bush on the mound? Don’t they know he was a first baseman at Yale?

Would-you-believe-it Dept.: Since the NCAA started picking Academic All-American teams in 1952, the only Notre Dame quarterback to be selected was Joe Theismann in 1970.

Three USC quarterbacks have been chosen, the most of any school, and all three were on national championship teams--Steve Sogge (1967), Pat Haden (1974) and Paul McDonald (1978).

The only UCLA quarterback to make it so far was John Sciarra in 1975. Sciarra, Haden and McDonald all were products of Bishop Amat High School, and all were winners in the Rose Bowl.

The Showman: Notre Dame Coach Lou Holtz knows it’s going to be tough keeping the Alabama crowd out of today’s game at Birmingham, ALa., but he says, “I’d rather play in front of 75,000 hostile fans than play in front of 68,000 no-shows.”

Said Stephen F. Austin Coach Jim Hess, when told that Prairie View had a 97-yard kickoff return for a touchdown in its last game: “They won’t do that against us.”

Why?

“We don’t have anybody who can kick it that far.”

Trivia Answer: The Los Angeles Express of the United States Football League.

Quotebook

House Speaker Tip O’Neill (D-Mass.), on the playoff series between the Boston Red Sox and the Angels: “Those old men from California? No problem. Mr. October will be Mr. December after he faces Roger Clemens.”