Same-Career Couples: The Joys and the Challenges of Working Together

Imagine overhearing a fellow police officer’s call for emergency help over the car radio, something officers say is one of the most frightening parts of the job. Now consider what it would be like if the fellow officer were your spouse.

When Nick MacArthur, a police officer at the 77th Street Division in Watts, was investigating a possible stolen car, he heard a help call issued by his wife, Sandy, who works out of the same division. He had no idea what circumstances caused her to request help so urgently (it turned out she had been shot at by someone who mistook her for a prowler), but he couldn’t leave the car he had discovered. He could only wait, and listen.

Few same-career couples undergo that degree of suspense in their daily work lives, but, as more and more women are joining the work force, it’s increasingly common to find husband and wife sharing both home and work.

Couples are everywhere: in a squad car, in a doctor’s office, or starting a business together. National support groups such as Dual Doctor Families, based in New Jersey, are springing up to offer assistance to specific types of same-career couples with common interests and problems.

No National Statistics

Kathleen Cottrell, a senior associate at Catalyst, a national New York-based nonprofit organization that researches career and family developments and options, said that the number of same-career couples nationally is not available, but believes it is on the increase.

Catalyst has found that companies are facing challenges caused by the rising number of couples working in the same types of jobs. It has developed a paper on “Nepotism Policies and Company Couples,” and wonders how firms will handle the new situations that same-career couples cause. For example, what will happen when a corporate takeover creates a company couple, or when two spouses employed in the same company reach the same level on the corporate ladder, forcing them to work together?

Same-career couples aren’t a new phenomenon. Marion Solomon, a Westside psychotherapist in private practice, said that the situation is only new to 20th-Century America. “From the guilds in the Middle Ages to the farmers who worked together on everything, the concept of the same-career couple is not new. The industrial society made the same-career couple an anomaly, for a while. Now I see more and more such couples all the time,” she said.

Solomon said that there are all kinds of same-career couples, everything from “mom-and-pop couples who run a corner store to the lawyer whose wife goes back to law school because she decides it might be interesting.” Some couples, by the nature of their work, are set up for competition and fault finding, she said, while others succeed largely because they share a mutual goal and many interests.

Like Sandy and Nick MacArthur, some couples get attention not just because they’re a same-career duo, but also because it’s unusual for a woman to be in the field at all. Pam Powell, co-pastor with her husband, John, of the First Presbyterian Church of Sherman Oaks, said that in their case, “first there’s the female pastor issue, and then there’s the clergy couple issue.”

The Powells both attended Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena at different times, and met through a mutual friend. When they came to their Sherman Oaks church, they shared one job and one salary for two years.

Church membership has increased 25% since they started their co-ministry 3 1/2 years ago, they said. “If they (the church members) want a traditional figure they have a man, if they want a non-traditional model, they have a woman,” John said. “We do weddings together and funerals, although Pam has been singled out by one of the children as a ‘sticker evangelist’; she gives the kids stickers as they leave church on Sunday,” he said.

The couple doesn’t do marriage counseling together, however. They tried it one or two times and didn’t like it.

“We function as any multiple staff would, but the final decisions are made as a partnership,” Pam said. They alternate turns at preaching, and they equally share responsibility for their three children, ages 17, 12, and 7.

“One of the tough parts (of being co-pastors and husband and wife) is that our differences have to remain totally between us. Any show of any discord causes ripples in the church,” Pam said.

One of the things common to same-career couples who work together is that the work and the relationship become one.

That’s true also for Kevan and Debbie Hall, co-owners of Couture, a Los Angeles-based firm that designs and produces women’s special occasion and evening wear geared for the younger, affluent customer. Their 4-year-old firm sells to Bergdorf Goodman, Saks Fifth Avenue, Neiman-Marcus and other department and specialty stores.

Kevan and Debbie met in the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising’s dormitory on Hope Street in Los Angeles. “The area was so bad we’d meet friends just so we would have someone to walk with when we went out to eat,” Debbie said. “We started our relationship as eating partners,” Kevan said.

Kevan’s focus was pure design and Debbie enjoyed the merchandising and administration end of the business. Now they divide responsibilities. Kevan does the design and the selection of fabrics and handles sales, while Debbie does the accounting, order entry and overall administration.

“It (the division of labor) was kind of natural,” said Debbie. “We’re just one now. It’s easy to shop fabrics. We think alike, and it just keeps on growing.”

Kevan said that in the fashion design business, having a woman partner puts him at an advantage, giving him the opportunity for female feedback. Since he’s designing for women, that’s important.

Couples who work together often have trouble escaping work, or finding something else to talk about.

“We play this game where we see how long we can go without talking work,” Debbie said. “The first one who does, loses. So far we’ve only been able to go 30 minutes.”

Sandy MacArthur said that when she became a police officer, she learned to look into the mirror in her locker at the start of every shift and ask herself what she would do if she found herself in a life-or-death situation. Now, she said, the oneness she feels with Nick is so strong, she starts the shift asking what would happen if Nick were confronted with a close call.

Dr. David Viscott, a psychiatrist, author and radio personality, said that the problem same-career couples experience is that they can’t get away from the work. He knows. His wife was originally a therapist too. Now she’s an interior designer, and he said they’re much happier since she changed careers.

Blaming Is Easier

“In same-career couples, the tendency to be a workaholic is increased, and the tendency to self-criticize is projected on the mate. Since blaming is one of the most difficult areas in relationships, sharing the same knowledge base makes the blaming much easier. What seemed like a powerful mutual interest becomes a source of hate,” Viscott said.

This may be true in many cases. One same-career couple from Chicago declined to be interviewed because they were filing for divorce.

Others feel that the shared interests and understanding of the work are essential to the success of many marriages.

Jean Moorhead Duffy, a California assemblywoman (D-Citrus Heights) now married to Gordon Duffy, a former assemblyman (R-Hanford) and once a member of Gov. George Deukmejian’s Cabinet, put it this way: “Gordon and I understand what is happening to the other person. This was not true in my former marriage. I would tell my ex-husband that my day was booked solid, and then all of a sudden something would free up. He would think I was lying to him about my plans for the day.”

Jean and Gordon are going into business together as lobbyists and consultants, co-owners of Duffy and Duffy in Sacramento. Jean Duffy did not seek reelection this year. They met when Jean was a nursing professor working to change Gordon’s mind on a bill of his that had significant effect on nurses and nursing schools.

Encouraged Her to Run

She eventually talked with him about her interest in running for the 5th Assembly District, and he encouraged her. After she won the campaign, her office was next door to his.

Gordon says that a good business partnership works for the same reasons a good marriage works. “In both situations,” he said, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts “if each person brings in something special. Jean adds something special to the work because she is more sensitive.”

The Duffys make a point to play in non-work-oriented situations. They love golf--”there are no telephones and you can’t be interrupted”--and enjoy playing with their personal computer, and planning future trips.

But those who are less able to play can find happiness in a same-career marriage. Bill McGlashan and Christine Dumas share a general family and children’s dental practice in Marina del Rey.

Fairly new to both marriage and dentistry, they work long, hard hours, combining weekend and evening hours at the office with their roles as instructors of clinical dentistry at the University of Southern California’s School of Dentistry.

They met in dental school, and believe that their relationship and their marriage provided the support they needed to cope with the hard work and pressure. “We could be each other’s cheerleader,” said Christine, an ex-Bruin Belle. “We were always there for each other, saying things like, ‘come on, we can finish this denture before we go to bed.’ ”

Now they wonder if a non-dentist marriage partner could possibly understand the work. “Dentistry is a very technical field. . . . It would be difficult for anyone else to understand.”

“It’s great to have someone available to give you a built-in second opinion, 24 hours a day,” Bill said. “Even if one of us leaves dentistry for another career,” he added, “she’ll always have the background and the common understanding of the work.”