Telling the Kids About Christmas

Charles Marsh, associate medical director of Southwood Psychiatric Center for Children and past president of the San Diego Society of Psychiatric Physicians, addresses the issue of how parents should handle Santa Claus and other Christmas “issues”:

“Most kids have enough anxiety about strangers even when they develop normally. Until they’re 2 1/2 or so, they may not be comfortable with the trip to Santa’s lap--they’ll still be just frightened enough to make it unpleasant.

“For the most part, 3- and 4-year-olds are the ones who are finally comfortable with Santa. My own child cried the first couple of years. You just have to wait a while for things to calm down.

“I think it’s very unfair of parents to use Santa as a guilt trip. It’s unfair to say, ‘Bad boys don’t get Christmas presents.’ That ‘naughty and nice’ routine--using Santa as the enforcer--just isn’t good. Santa Claus shouldn’t be responsible for helping us discipline our kids. I think it’s better if we kept Santa and discipline separate.

“I don’t think you should tell your kids Santa doesn’t exist--when they reach the age that questions appear. If they bring it up, do a kind of framing, saying something like, ‘Well, we believe in Santa Claus. We realize he is not a real person, but he represents what Christmas is all about.’ Those things are sharing, family togetherness, giving, receiving. . . . That’s what Santa embodies and represents.

“I’m less concerned about the Santa issue than I am about other issues at Christmas. This may sound cliched, but we’ve really gotten away from the true meaning of Christmas. It’s become so overwhelmingly commercialized. Kids now seem to believe the only meaning of Christmas is getting presents. Stressing the true meaning of Christmas really challenges a parent’s skills.

“They should tell their kids Christmas is a time when Dad or Mom can take off several days and be with the family. It’s a time for visiting and growing closer, a time of reflection, a time for helping someone who’s needy, a time for putting aside our differences.”