It’s Time to Weigh Anchor, Set Sail Into the Sunset

Well, goodby, this is my swan song.

I’ve not the fogiest how a swan sings, but however it does, this is it--my final column on this sports page.

I am retiring from making words for this paper, after nearly 20 years of doing it, plus another 30 years of wordsmithing for other publications.

My professional career endeth at age 66.

And now, God and swans willing, I shall have fun doing other things that have no deadlines attached to them. Don’t call me. I’ll call you. I plan to be sleeping in late for about a week.

You’ve been a wonderful bunch of readers. I don’t know what I’d have done without you out there. Without you, it would have been awfully lonesome here.

So goodby, and please try to respect and remember my pet prejudices:

Keep close watch on those who would ruin the natural environment by promising progress.

Protect our remaining wetlands.

Stop those dumping sewerage sludge and toxic chemicals into the sea.

Don’t make a garbage dump of the sea. Sail home with your plastics.

Conserve the wonderful resources of the ocean. Insist on closures and strict limits before any species of fish or mammal becomes endangered.

Love Mother Earth and don’t trust the politicians.

Keep your mainsail full, but don’t overpress your little ship, sail or power.

Hail with joy the porpoises playing about your bows. They are your friends, and are harbingers of good fortune.

Always spit to leeward.

Sit down on the head when the seas run high. Nobody’s aim is that good.

When going forward, keep one hand for your ship and one for yourself.

Don’t bring on bad luck by whistling for the wind, and when mare’s tails and mackerel backs fill the sky, get your boat to a safe port as soon as possible.

When picking up a mooring stick, come in very slowly so you don’t overun the can.

Don’t yell like Capt. Bligh at your poor wife on the bow when she misses the stick because you approached it too fast.

When anchoring, always pay out at least three-to-one scope; that is, for every foot of water pay out three feet of anchor line or rode.

Have at least 300 feet of rode in your chain locker. The water can be deep in anchorages around the offshore islands.

Make sure that anchor’s well set. I like you (because you’re one of my people), but I’m not very pleasant when your boat drags anchor into mine at night in a Catalina Island cove.

Carry aboard a second anchor with 300 feet of rode. You may want to put out two anchors in a storm, or set a stern anchor.

Keep a well-stocked galley and extra water in jugs aboard. You may have to lay over in an anchorage during unexpected foul weather.

Keep a dry cabin. Don’t bring salt into it after swimming. Salt attracts dampness and mold. Rinse off first on deck with fresh water from a jug.

Carry some extra engine parts, such as drive belts, hose clamps, hoses, impellers, as well as kerosene lamps, including a kerosene anchor light, for emergencies.

And when the sun drops below the yardarm, and you put on dry togs after a wet passage, drink a grateful libation to the sea gods, who permitted you to reach a safe port.

And so, goodby, and may the holy calm be with you all, forever and a day.