Is Three Enough Charm for Baylor?

Any list of the 10 toughest jobs in America probably would include:

--Fighter of oil fires.

--High-rise window washer.

--Vice cop in Miami.

--Sparring partner for Mike Tyson.

--Barber for Don King (must supply own hedge-clippers).

--Cosmetic surgeon on Tammy Faye Bakker (must bring own jackhammer).

--Fashion designer for Fawn Hall (garments must be loose enough to accommodate documents).

--Dietitian of George (the Animal) Steele (partial to foam rubber).

--Captain of the Islip garbage barge.

--And, of course, the toughest of all, general manager of the Los Angeles Clippers.

Elgin Baylor has that thankless job, for which we thank him.

His is not an easy task. He must take a team that played 82 basketball games and won a dozen of them, do a nip here, do a tuck there, and somehow try to turn that team into some sort of viable consumer alternative to another team, one from the very same town, that is currently in the hunt for the professional basketball championship.

Not easy. Not easy at all. Remodeling the Clippers is going to be like restoring the Statue of Liberty. It is going to take time. It is going to take work. Come to think of it, it might even take a nationwide fund drive, complete with L.A. Clipper commemorative stamps.

But Baylor is going to give it his best shot. And remember, the guy always could shoot. He is working night and day, screening applicants, studying resumes, reviewing films, trying to decide what to do with the three first-round selections the Clippers are going to have in the National Basketball Assn. college player draft June 22.

What sort of help do the Clippers need most?

“As I’ve said before,” Baylor said Tuesday, “we need help at every position.”

That is as honest as a man can get. The Clippers need help at five positions--small guard, big guard, small forward, big forward and center. They also could use a good sixth man, and, as a matter of fact, good seventh and eighth men.

They also could use comebacks by Norm Nixon and Marques Johnson, a new official scorer who knows how to cheat, and a trainer who knows how to tap into opponents’ Gatorade supply.

But, one step at a time. To be more specific, Baylor said: “The biggest need is obviously on the front line. We need somebody to complement Michael Cage at the other forward position. We need a scoring forward and we need a backup center.”

Help, in other words, is what the Clippers need, and they are about to get some. The organization even has gone so far as to run a contest, taking out full-page ads asking fans to “Read Elgin’s Mind” and win a new automobile, guessing in advance which players the Clipper GM will claim in the draft.

There in the ad are all the leading candidates, alphabetically: Steve Alford, Norris Coleman, Dallas Comegys, Armon Gilliam, Horace Grant, Dennis Hopson, Mark Jackson, Reggie Lewis, Tim McAlister, Derrick McKey, Reggie Miller, Ron Murphy, Ken Norman, Olden Polynice, David Robinson, Kenny Smith, Chris Welp, Reggie Williams and Nikita Wilson.

The Clippers pick 4th, 13th and 19th. Therefore, three of these gentlemen are going to be Clippers.

Are they dreading it, like kids about to enter a haunted house? Or are they looking forward to it, figuring, “Here’s a team I can start for.” Heck, here’s a team the sixth man at Northwestern could start for.

“If you ask me who the people who are going to go early are, I think you would certainly have to say David Robinson, Reggie Williams, Derrick McKey, Horace Grant, Armon Gilliam and Olden Polynice,” Baylor said.

If you read something into the way he reeled them off, you might conclude that Grant, the 6-foot 9-inch forward from Clemson, might be sailing before long on the Clipper ship. However, the name of Alabama’s McKey keeps coming up. And, Ohio State’s Hopson might be the second-best player in the draft, behind Robinson. And, Carolina’s Smith might be just what the Clippers need, if they don’t have Nixon to kick around any more.

And, if the meaningless advice of a sportswriter meant absolutely anything to the Clippers, they would run right out and draft Nevada Las Vegas’ Gilliam, who, in this man’s eyes, happens to be your basic absolutely wonderful.

The choices are up to Baylor, though certainly with input from the Clippers’ new coach, Gene Shue. The guys from Los Angeles professional basketball’s poor side of town have a little more time to make up their minds, and will even run a special media luncheon next Thursday to bat some of their ideas around.

In the meantime, they can sit around at night and watch the Lakers go for the NBA title and fantasize and sing the old Ruby & the Romantics song: “Our Day Will Come.”

Baylor said he has only been watching bits and pieces of the Laker-Celtic series because he has been so busy. One thing he has had to endure, though, is suggestion that this Laker team might be the best basketball team of all time. Many would say it is not even the best Los Angeles team of all time.

Baylor said: “The point is, it’s just a conversation piece. Tell ‘em to prove it. It’s ridiculous. Who cares? They’re both great teams. The Laker team of ‘71-72 did a fantastic job, too. But there’s absolutely no way to compare. These are different eras, different players. There’s no way you’re ever going to be sure, so it’s ridiculous to argue about it.”

The man with one of the 10 toughest jobs in America does not have time to waste on armchair chit-chat. He’s got a basketball team to build. He’s got an oil fire to put out.

The advice here, besides moving the whole franchise to Santa Ana, is to draft Gilliam, draft Miller, draft Alford, and give away a new car with every season ticket. Yeah. That’s it. We’ll cut that Laker attendance in half.