HOW TO COPE

C aution: Some people actually enjoy certain symptoms of the Neo-Nasty era--like waiting in a line at a nightclub for the crucial moment when a bouncer will decide if you’re cool enough to be admitted. If you’re not one of those types, then you may want the following advice.

Refuse to take calls from anyone using a car phone.

Don’t read your therapist’s screenplay.

Limit yourself to only one KCET pledge break a week.

Watch “Donna Reed Show” reruns.

Live at Trancas Beach without a TV set.

Skip that power-breakfast at the Hotel Bel-Air.

Spend a comatose weekend in Palm Springs wrapped in mud.

When you’re kept waiting for your reservation at a restaurant--more than, say, a half hour--walk out. (Don’t play their game by going to wait in the bar.)

Go to Disneyland but don’t take the “It’s a Small World” ride.

Lay back with music by Cat Stevens, James Taylor, Elton John and Carole King.

Unwind at Melrose Avenue’s Last Wound-Up; browse at the Bodhi Tree bookstore.

Go for a massage. Better yet, go for an ear irrigation.

Avoid people who say “Go for it!”

Climb a tree.

Actually complain to a theater manager about people talking during a movie.

Wallow in the past--remember how you survived without a stereo headset to isolate you from the rest of humanity.

Don’t take a meeting. Don’t do lunch.

Replace your framed photos of topless Julie Andrews in “S.O.B.” with posters from “Love Story.”

When in Carmel, look for Doris Day’s house, not Clint’s.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s.