‘88 Hopefuls Come Off Second Best With Quips : Sen. Bradley Is Chief Cook at His ‘Roast’

Surveying the 1,400 Democratic activists in black tie and evening dress who crowded the hotel ballroom, New Jersey Sen. Bill Bradley remarked: “This evening can best be summed up by my wife, who said: ‘For this you need a tuxedo?’ ”

It was the last laugh of a night devoted to political humor that took a surprising turn. The stars of the affair here Tuesday were supposed to be the seven Democratic presidential candidates on hand to “roast” Bradley. But it was Bradley, hitherto admired mainly for his dedication to such issues as tax overhaul and Third World debt, who stole the show with his deadpanned wisecracks.

Chance to Show Humor

For the candidates, the occasion represented a precious opportunity to show that they possess what may be the most valued of all presidential qualities--a sense of humor.

“A President who can tell a joke can show his human side--and, more important, can deflect criticism,” says Richard Williamson, a former Reagan White House aide and now senior adviser to 1988 GOP hopeful Paul Laxalt, former Nevada senator.

But the Democrats’ humor seemed strained by the pressures of the campaign.

They used most of their brief appearances at the dinner sponsored by Independent Action, a liberal political action committee, to zing Bradley. And the 43-year-old former professional basketball star and Rhodes scholar, seemingly relaxed with his decision to resist entreaties to enter the presidential race, responded in kind, to the vast enjoyment of the audience.

One after another the candidates, most of them so obscure they refer to themselves as the “Seven Dwarfs,” felt the sting of Bradley’s needle. Of methodical Massachusetts Gov. Michael S. Dukakis, sometimes criticized as a “technocrat,” Bradley cracked that “his idea of a good time is straightening out his sock drawer.”

Bradley recalled that he has known civil rights leader Jesse Jackson, said to have a taste for the finer things in life, since Bradley’s days with the New York Knicks. “Even then,” Bradley said, “he was a man of the cloth--cashmere.”

Bow Ties and Imelda Marcos

Of Illinois Sen. Paul Simon, who has made bow ties his trademark, Bradley said: “Paul Simon is to bow ties what Imelda Marcos was to shoes.”

Taking note that Tennessee’s Albert Gore Jr. occupies the Senate seat once held by his father, Bradley said that it was no surprise that Gore had been elected to the Senate. “Somebody had to use his father’s old stationery.”

Bradley dispatched former Arizona Gov. Bruce Babbitt, who, like Bradley himself, has a reputation for dullness on the stump, by asserting: “God love you, Bruce, the only time I have charisma is when I’m standing next to you.”

Rep. Richard A. Gephardt of Missouri was twitted for advocating tough trade legislation to advance his candidacy. Claiming to have swapped baseball cards with Gephardt when both were kids in Missouri, Bradley said: “Even then he talked about using the trade issue as a way to get to the White House.”

Bradley contended that Delaware Sen. Joseph R. Biden Jr., regarded by many as stronger on oratorical style than on substance, had offered to teach Bradley to be “a dynamic speaker” while Bradley would help Biden understand economic policies. Said Bradley: “We both failed.”

Jackson a High Scorer

As for Bradley’s seven targets--described by an earlier speaker, Texas state Treasurer Ann Richards as “six normal men and a Baptist preacher reduced to doing anything to get attention”--it was preacher Jackson who seemed most at ease. And he was the most successful at using his few minutes at the podium to make a satirical point. First, Jackson claimed that he faced a special dilemma: “If I’m funny, I lose points. It has taken me so long to be taken seriously.”

Then deftly reversing the sort of comments made about his efforts as a black to seek the presidency in a field dominated by white politicians, he paid tongue-in-cheek tribute to Bradley’s success in achieving stardom in basketball, a sport dominated by black athletes.

Bradley, Jackson said, had long been one of his heroes because “of his fight against racial stereotypes.” Jackson added: “He has reached his goals despite the handicap of race and family background.”

Though many tried to discourage him, Jackson said: “Bill persevered, practicing in the family driveway, which was the size of a basketball court.”

Comparison to Joan Rivers

Noting that some had said Bradley was too dull to run for President, Biden said: “They’re right. But that hasn’t stopped any of the rest of these guys.” And Dukakis contended that “Bradley is to charisma what Joan Rivers is to silent meditation.”

Babbitt gibed at the guest of honor for his controversial Senate vote to support aid to the Nicaraguan rebels . “If you want to support a guerrilla movement that has virtually no chance of winning, please send a check to the Babbitt for President committee,” Babbitt said.

But one wish seemed to unite the seven candidates, a feeling that could only have been strengthened by the guest of honor’s performance at the roast. This was the fervent hope that Bradley did not change his mind and decide to run for President after all.