Rams Will Get What They Pay for

This is what it must be like to negotiate a contract with John Shaw, the Rams’ vice president of finance:

Agent: “And so, in closing, I would like to point out . . .”

Shaw: “No.”

Agent: “No? John, we haven’t mentioned a salary request yet.”

Shaw: “I don’t care. Whatever it is, no.”

Agent: “Whatya mean, no? My client led the league in (choose one: rushing, interceptions, receptions, punt returns or sackless games). Seventeen players of lesser talents receive more. He deserves to be paid accordingly.”

Shaw: “No. N-O spells no.”

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, the favored Ram posture of recent seasons. When in doubt, just say no.

Eric Dickerson, inspired by Bo Jackson’s recent five-year, $7.4-million deal with the Raiders, wants the Rams to tinker once again with his $683,000 base salary. An extension, signed two years ago and designed to keep Dickerson with the Rams at least until 1990, is now unacceptable. “I feel like a stallion who once upon a time had spirit,” said Dickerson, who must be watching one too many “Mr. Ed” reruns on the telly in London. “But once you break a horse’s spirit, the horse is no good.”

So Dickerson wants more money. And be quick about it or he’ll demand a trade.

Shaw’s probable reply: No. Forget it. When hell freezes over. When Tammy Bakker wears just one layer of foundation. Never.

Dickerson will get another raise shortly after Ram owner Georgia Frontiere changes her name to Gridiron’s Granny. This is to say that the stallion had better giddyap. If Shaw has his way--and he often does--there will be, as they say, no new inked pacts.

Irv Pankey, an offensive tackle, allowed only three half-sacks last season. If it were up to, say, quarterback Jim Everett, who performs better when not on his back, Pankey would get the paycheck he deserves. But it’s up to Shaw, who clings to the bottom line like a pacifier.

Pankey, according to available statistics, has allowed the fewest number of sacks in the NFL during the last two seasons. This, you would think, would place him among the league’s elite in offensive line performance and salary. You thought wrong. Quite naturally, the Pankey contract holdout continues.

Next: cornerback LeRoy Irvin. Irvin, who signed a two-year extension last March, is mad because the Rams won’t renegotiate the final year of his present agreement, worth $250,000. The itsy-bitsy problem here is that Irvin signed the contract, which sort of makes you responsible for the contents.

But Irvin, a Pro Bowl talent and genuinely nice guy, argues that other players in the league “are laughing at me.” Soooo, pay me or trade me, said Irvin.

Shaw’s probable reply: “No.”

You think other players laughed at Irvin? Wait until he walks into Shaw’s office asking for a new contract or new team. To hear the guffaws.

Henry Ellard, the Rams’ leading receiver, boycotted the team for 89 days last season. And this is what it got him: $10,000 for each of the remaining nine games of 1986. This year he arrived with another set of demands and received silence. After the perfunctory holdout, Ellard compromised, signing a four-year, $1.8-million contract that also includes incentives. Said Ellard at the time: “The man is trying to do his job. But he’s doing the job too well. It’s going to end up hurting the Rams more than it helps them.”

Ellard misses the point. The Rams, specifically Shaw, are concerned about profit margins, not team morale. This isn’t win one for the Gipper, it’s win one for the ledger.

Rookie Donald Evans is upset with his contract, which pays him less than comparable second-round selections. You think Shaw cares? Hardly.

The Ram negotiating philosophy is as narrow as the letter I. It rarely allows for emotion, for loyalty, for a job well done. Everett was lucky. He was one of the few players who entered a Ram contract session with an advantage. That’s usually Shaw’s position.

“Shaw would be a great poker player,” said an agent who has dealt with Shaw. “The problem is that he walks into negotiations already with three queens.”

You don’t negotiate with Shaw as much as you test your patience. Shaw has several things going for him: time, history and the waiver wire. What he can’t sign, he can replace with a dozen other lesser players willing to agree to minimum wage. As for free agency, forget it. It doesn’t exist.

Left flapping in the breeze is Coach John Robinson, whose opinion is respected but obviously not considered vital by Ram front-office types. Robinson has a shiny new five-year, multimillion-dollar contract, but apparently he has limited influence when decisions involving a player’s financial worth are concerned. It is Robinson who gets placed in the middle, between management and team, between stubbornness and obstinateness.

Not long ago, Dickerson approached Robinson with a list of running backs who earned more money. How silly. As if Robinson were going to march into Shaw’s office and say, “I beseech you, pay Eric his rightful wage!” As far as Shaw is concerned, Robinson’s two cents’ worth of opinion is worth that--or maybe less.

Frontiere once said her goal is to make the Rams “the best team in professional football.” At what, mutinies?

Nothing wrong with trying to win a Super Bowl on a budget. Frontiere and Shaw wouldn’t have it any other way. Will it happen?

In the immortal words of John Shaw . . . no.