Bah Humbug to Discerning Advertisements
My Hollywood correspondent Duke Russell has made what he calls his Bah Humbug Award for the year. It goes to a department store that I will not name, because it is no worse in this respect than its competitors.
His award-winning exhibit is an ad from The Times showing 12 young men in various types of sportswear. It says: “A Selection of Sweaters and Other Wear for Men and Young Men. 25% Off.”
None of the men looks a day over 30; most, I would say, are under 23. They are all equally handsome, healthy, carefree, casual and macho in appearance. Good cheekbones. Big smiles. Tousled hair. None is bare-chested or bare-armed, but one can sense the musculature under all that wool.
Russell complains: “Twelve nice-looking guys. Why not a couple like you and me? Why does (this store), and most other stores selling men’s clothing, continue to disregard us and millions like us, who have millions of dollars to spend, but know not what to buy because we never see fashionable ads for over-40 writers, doctors, lawyers, artists, musicians, politicians, plumbers, directors, actors, coaches, electricians, pilots, scientists, teachers, executives, truck drivers, golfers, skiers, walkers, gardeners, editors, referees, waiters, cooks, bankers, barbers, comedians and retirees?
“I can’t understand why we’ve been abandoned. Why must we continue sailing aimlessly through the dismal, fashion-less fog, like garage-sale offspring of the Ancient Mariner?”
It’s true that the clothing, cologne, beer and car ads rarely feature any men over 40 years old, and few that old. Most men in beer ads look like college football players or skiers just in off the slopes. A few old coaches and retired players are thrown in for laughs, but the accent is on virile youth. You get the idea that old codgers like Duke and me don’t drink beer, drive cars, wear sporty clothes or use cologne. (Well, in fact, I don’t use cologne. I don’t know about Duke.)
It’s true that now and then you see a doctor or a banker in TV commercials, but they aren’t selling the good things of life. They are selling either investments or health care. In matters of money and health, the message seems to be, we may take the advice of our elders.
I get the impression that all the young men in the beer ads are happily unemployed, though of course they could be stockbrokers, or remittance men, since they seem to be living the good life.
I should think Russell’s concern would extend to over-40 women as well as men. Hasn’t he ever studied the women’s clothing ads? Or should I call them unclothing ads?
The models are invariably young, slender, voluptuous and alluring, with wide clear eyes, satin skin, even white teeth, ruby lips, shapely arms and legs and luxuriant hair. By 25, I suspect, they’re over the hill.
How do they expect these young houris to sell clothing to middle-aged women who may be slightly past their peak, but are still handsome, not to mention older women who have definitely lost their waistlines and their chins? Do they actually suppose all men and women can imagine that, if we bought those clothes, we would look like that?
Yes, I’m afraid, that’s exactly what they think. Maybe they’re right. Illusion is everything. What overweight young woman can’t look in a store window and imagine that she’s Cher? What potbellied lawyer with a receding hairline and a red nose can’t picture himself as Harry Hamlin?
Over the holidays, at one party or another, I believe I have seen almost every kind of man that Russell mentions (except maybe a coach, a referee and a truck driver, all of whom would have been busy working) and all of them were turned out in expensive-looking, rather sporty clothes. Do you suppose they were inspired to buy them by those young hunks in the ads?
It occurs to me that women buy most of men’s clothes, fantasizing that their mates still look like Don Johnson. But men don’t buy women’s clothes, except on rare occasions (and then they are usually exchanged); so that idea has to be discarded.
I’m afraid Duke and I are just dealing with a fact of life: Everyone likes to pretend that everyone, including oneself, is young and beautiful.
Actually, Duke and I are still pretty good-looking dudes ourselves.
