Casting ‘Angels ‘88’

I probably shouldn’t take offense at Aaron Spelling’s remark that his new series “Angels ‘88” won’t include any “bimbos . . . dum-dums with a Southern accent walking around.”

Should I really be irritated because the man who gave the world the original “Charlie’s Angels,” the intellectually stimulating “Fantasy Island” and that jewel in television’s crown, “The Love Boat,” doesn’t think Southern women are intelligent?

I’m an expatriate Southerner who has no desire to live in the South. I recognize the enormous social and economic problems that exist in the region, as well as the fact that many of these problems are self-imposed, self-perpetuated and indefensible.

What is defensible is a Southern accent. Thanks largely to stereotypes such as the one offered by Spelling, Southern accents are automatically equated with a substantial deficiency in intelligence. Thus, when one maligns a Southern accent, one maligns the Southerner to whom it belongs.

In Hollywood, Southerners are often portrayed by non-Southerners who affect a drawl that’s far too pronounced. Nothing is more grating to a Southerner’s ear than this twangy, slurred, mouth-full-of-catfish, all-purpose, pseudo-Southern accent.

In fact, the South is a region of many different accents. Generally, Southerners do speak more slowly than people from other regions. Sometimes (not always) some (not all) Southerners drop the g from the suffix -ing . In casual conversation, the word y’all is used in place of the plural you. Every Southerner knows that y’all is a contraction of you all and is never used in place of the singular you , a bit of linguistic trickery Hollywood has yet to master.

These characteristics given, how does a Southern accent denote a lack of intelligence, savvy, or talent? Why does a Southern accent immediately relegate the person who speaks with it to the ranks of bimboism and incompetency?

Spelling isn’t the only one who makes this ignorant, unfortunate association. It’s the norm.

A variety of Southern accents exists. To Spelling, I’d like to point out that while the words may be as slow as molasses in January, the minds are not. Ask Beth Henley, Eudora Welty, Ellen Gilchrist or James Dickey. Sit down with a copy of Faulkner’s “Light in August” or Wyatt Cooper’s “Families” or Richard Wright’s “Native Son” or anything by Tennessee Williams. Listen, with the mind’s ear, to what you’re reading. Hear the drawl? Hear the sensitivity, insight, wit? Hear the brilliance?

As a writer--hell, as an expatriate Southerner--I pray that I will be remembered for the quality of my work. And, dear God, please let Aaron Spelling be remembered for the quality of his.

SUSAN TEHRANI

Garden Grove