It’s Fun to Be a Nun for ‘Nunsense’

What do you say to a nun? On and off stage, the cast members of Dan Goggin’s Off Broadway hit “Nunsense” (opening Wednesday at the Henry Fonda Theatre) find that wearing a habit provokes attention, affection--and, occasionally, lust.

“I’ve had guys pinch me,” announced actress Marilyn Farina, who plays Sister Mary Cardelia. “They put their arms around me, say they’ve always had a thing about nuns.”

Others are definitely turned off .

“I play a strict nun in the show, so people say, ‘You remind me of a nun who used to hit me all the time,’ ” noted Sharon McNight, a.k.a. Sister Mary Hubert. “A lot of seniors will grab my wrist and say, ‘What convent are you with, dear?’ They can’t believe that anyone would impersonate a nun. Haven’t they seen ‘The Sound of Music?’ ” Added Beth Bowles, the dancing Sister Mary Leo, “When we go out in our costumes--well, five nuns in a car is just hysterical. People point, stare, wave, crash into each other.”

Fun with nuns is clearly the order of business here, a song-and-dance romp about a quintet of enterprising Hoboken sisters who stage a benefit to raise funds for the burial of the rest of their order, victims of tainted vichyssoise.

“Nunsense” (which has its own benefit Tuesday for the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles’ AIDS program) first took shape six years ago as a greeting card company. Recalled Farina: “Danny (Goggin) and I had a series of about 75 cards, black-and-white pictures of me dressed as a nun, and inside there was a caption. Then I started going to card stores to push them and (Sister Mary Cardelia) became a walking, talking character. Then we got together with a couple of people and started a cabaret show--and it just moved on.”

And changed. “Some of the cards were not in the most terrific taste; they were a little blue,” Farina acknowledged. “But we found that the dirtier they got, the more they sold. And the cabaret show was really tuned that way: late night, drinks. But, once we put it up on a stage, all of a sudden it didn’t feel right. It didn’t work.”

The resulting version, they stress, is a full-fledged family show, easy to digest and offensive to no one--especially not to their real-life counterparts.

“If people are concerned that we’re making fun of the religion--well, we’re not. Not at all,” said Semina DeLaurentis, who had to learn ventriloquism for her role as Sister Mary Amnesia. “We’ve never had any nuns who’ve come backstage and been upset. They’ve come back and brought their whole convent, told us that we’re totally believable--which is scary because we’re playing some pretty strange characters.” Added Bowles: “They even identify with my character, the dancing nun. People say she reminds them of nuns who ice-skated, roller-skated. . . .”

Although none of the actresses did research for her part, two of them had already spent a good deal of time in the company of nuns.

“I was raised Catholic, still am Catholic--and I went to Catholic school for 15 days,” said DeLaurentis. “I was always very friendly with the nuns, but when I switched over from public school to Catholic school I didn’t get any of the nuns I knew and liked. I cried and cried every day. One day I just said, ‘I’m not going back.’ And I never did.”

“I went to Catholic school all of my life, including college,” noted Farina. “It was great preparation for this role. As a matter of fact, I remind myself of several nuns who taught me--except that our nuns in the show are a lot funnier than the nuns I had. But I don’t have any horror stories. Since I started doing this show, I’ve met a lot of people who’ll tell you awful stories about nuns who hit them with rulers or threw people out the window. In 16 years, I never saw any of that. I had wonderful nuns.”

Such good feelings are compounded by the show’s success. A 1986 New York Outer Critics Circle winner for best musical, “Nunsense” has companies now playing in Amsterdam, Rio de Janeiro, London and Brisbane, as well as in several regional houses.

Each actress copes with life on the road in her own way. DeLaurentis shops. The show’s Sister Robert Anne, Christine Anderson (who with Farina and DeLaurentis is one of the original cast members), has a husband and son in New York--and promises from her mate that he’ll try to come out every other weekend.

Bowles, who left a husband and child in San Francisco (they’re planning to fly down each weekend) is a two-year veteran of commuter relationships and does just fine--until she sees someone pushing a baby carriage. And San Francisco native McNight (who joined the show, with Bowles, during its recent seven-month stint there) is feeling a bit blue leaving her home overlooking the bay-- again. For the last five years a nightclub act has kept her on the road in Europe; she’s just returned from a two-week gig in Paris.

“That was nice,” said the white-blond actress in her gravelly voice. “But most of the time it’s four days here, one day there. That’s tough, especially when you’re dragging a couple of gallons of bleach with you.”