And in the Blue Corner . . .

For those already beginning to fear that next year’s race for the mayor of Los Angeles will be the usual tedium of boring speeches and mindless accusations, I have good news. Speeches are out, punches are in.

I come by this information through a memo leaked to me by a source that does business with City Councilman Zev Yaroslavsky, who will be a candidate for Tom Bradley’s job next spring.

The memo was written to Zev and suggested, among other radical departures, that Yaroslavsky stop smiling and start jabbing.

I would question its authenticity except that last Friday Zev charged across the council chambers in a rage and offered to “have it out” with colleague Gil Lindsay with whom he had been debating plans for a City Hall annex.

Lindsay, who is 87 and, as far as I know, not running for anything, wisely declined.

It was a radical departure for the usually nonviolent Yaroslavsky who, to the best of my memory, has never before threatened to punch out anyone’s lights.

I profiled him when he was first elected to the council, and my impression was that of a man whose prime emotional anguish would swirl around what necktie to wear.

Last Friday, many felt that when Zev, 39, leaped from his corner, I mean his chair, to confront his elderly colleague, he was only offering to “have it out” verbally.

I felt the same way until I came upon that secret memo over the weekend and remembered the other memo two months ago.

You might recall that last August the L.A. Times came up with a leaked advisory to Yaroslavsky from consultants Michael Berman and Carl D’Agostino that suggested their candidate ought to change his ways if he wanted to be mayor.

Among other changes, they urged him to smile more, attend fewer council meetings and pamper his Jewish constituency.

The memo added that Yaroslavsky had an IQ 50 points higher than Bradley’s and he ought to get out there and use it.

The whole thing caused a terrific uproar. Tom was enraged. Zev was apologetic, and we all had a good laugh around town because we knew that consultants have been mucking up the elective process for years.

Zev and his pals just got caught, that’s all.

I felt, however, that Yaroslavsky would have learned a lesson and ceased dealing with people like Berman and D’Agostino, but I am forced to report today that he did not.

The secret memo in my possession came from a source I am not at liberty to reveal. It was left for me in an onion bagel at Canter’s deli not far from Zev’s field office.

The advisory was written to Yaroslavsky by two political consultants identified only as “Bud” and “Slapsy” and was in direct contradiction to the earlier advice.

It suggested that Zev not only cease smiling completely but begin glaring, a condition closer to his usual solemnity than any Mickey Mouse grin thrust upon him for the sake of political expediency.

“In addition to that,” the memo continued, “we are going to take this a step further and suggest you start using your fists. Before you get excited, Zev, let us explain our rationale.

“Due to your IQ being 50 points higher than Tom Bradley’s, you are perceived outside the Jewish community as something of a college-boy wimp.

“This is an anti-wimp era, and that image could cost you heavily in the black and Latino communities where a good right cross bears more impact than the ability to discuss pan-urban decentralization of gross telemarketing indexes.

“We suggest, therefore, that you reveal your willingness to punch out a colleague or even a private citizen in order to demonstrate a degree of ‘manliness’ necessary to win in ’89.

“We disagree on exactly how this ought to be done but do agree that establishing the proper climate for a physical confrontation in the council chambers is an absolute necessity. Start slow, pick on someone who is not likely to accept your challenge and do not actually throw a punch the first time.

“Be sure, by the way, that all opponents are male, since knocking Joy Picus to the floor will achieve no image enhancement.

“Ultimately, you will find an issue before the election that will put you and Tom Bradley at violent odds, at which time we expect you to act accordingly, remembering to keep your left shoulder high and your chin tucked in.”

I’m not sure how Rocky Yaroslavsky reacted to the memo, but it’s really not a bad idea. Ultimately determining by one good punch who will occupy the office of mayor may not be ethical and it sure as hell ain’t intellectual, but think of the time we’ll save.

(Jab, Rocky, jab.)