Giving the Rams a Once-Over at Midterm
We’re halfway through the season and we know just enough about the Rams to know that we, well, know nothing.
I take that back. We know they wear blue and gold. We know they’re 6-2. We know they’re in second place in the division.
What we don’t know is how they got there.
Strange team, these Rams. Used to be you could close your eyes and listen as the Ram offense plodded down the field. They were the ones who kept low to the ground, moving across the expanses and over the opponents like a team of oxen. Ram drives sounded like episodes of “Batman”--a lot of Whomps! and Kapows! and Blams!
No more. The Rams are fond of air travel now. Close your eyes and you hear the gentle sounds of receivers whooshing toward end zones, their cleats barely clipping the grass tops. You hear the ball hissing through the air. You hear a lot of descriptions of 3-play scoring drives.
Not that the Rams have abandoned the run; they haven’t. It’s just that they aren’t ignoring the pass anymore.
So what does it all mean? Are the Rams 2 games away from a perfect record because of air superiority? Or because Greg Bell did a great imitation of Charles White, who did a great imitation of Eric Dickerson?
And where does the defense fit in? Do you send thank you notes to defensive coordinator Fritz Shurmur and the rest of the guys for their work on the Eagle defense? Do you genuflect at the mention of sack specialist Kevin Greene’s name? Or do you wonder how running backs Roger Craig and Curt Warner have zipped through the Ram defense these last 2 weeks like shoppers going through the cash-only checkout line?
Who knows? Who knows what sort of team Coach John Robinson has on his hands. Is it the one that plastered the Packers, Raiders, Giants, Falcons and Seahawks, or the one that just sneaked by the Lions and was beaten by the 49ers and Cardinals?
Who knows?
Maybe a review is in order. Maybe it’s time for Ram followers to reacquaint themselves with this mystery team. In other words, quiz time.
Open your test booklets. Ready? Begin.
When Robinson said earlier this season, “We played for years with one arm tied around our back. We’ve got to use both hands,” he was referring to:
A) An outdated coaching technique that encourages receivers to catch passes with one hand.
B) His decision to acquire quarterbacks Dieter Brock and Steve Bartkowski way back when.
C) A Ram offense that featured equal doses of the pass and run.
“The way I view it, he’s the receiver and I’m the defensive back. I think he’s the best in the business at what he does,” outspoken cornerback LeRoy Irvin said of:
A) 49er wideout Jerry Rice.
B) Charles Julius Irvin, Irvin’s 7-year-old son. Charles can mess up a house faster than just about anyone--even with father-to-son coverage.
C) Ram vice president John Shaw. Shaw re-negotiated Irvin’s contract. Trying to get Shaw to re-negotiate a contract is like trying to get Tommy Lasorda to stop jiggling.
The Rams made out like bandits on the Dickerson trade because:
A) After next season’s draft, they’ll have had (barring another deal) 10 of the top 112 picks during the last 2 years.
B) Dickerson plans to retire at the conclusion of this season. He wants to devote every waking moment to his youth group, Dickerson’s Rangers.
C) Dickerson wanted to re-negotiate the re-negotiation of his original re-negotiated contract.
“He’s in your face, man. He doesn’t care who you are.” Robinson said this of:
A) Pee-wee Herman.
B) Charles Julius Irvin.
C) Ram cornerback Mickey Sutton, the man Shurmur calls, “the best darn little football player in America.”
So far, utility man Pete Holohan has been asked to do the following for the Rams:
A) Play tight end, wide receiver and fullback.
B) Play tight end, wide receiver, fullback and Beethoven’s Piano Sonata No. 29 in B Flat Major.
C) Try to get the Chargers to make another stupid trade, similar to the one that brought Holohan to the Rams.
Quarterback Jim Everett is a Robinson favorite because:
A) He has thrown 19 touchdown passes this season and is one of the main reasons the Rams are 6-2.
B) He says, “efficient” a lot.
C) He loves to listen to USC stories.
The Rams need Ron Brown like they need:
A) A track star who thinks being the National Football League’s fastest player is the same thing as being one of its best wide receivers.
B) A kick returner who will take playing time away from rookie Gaston Green.
C) Another high-to-mid-round draft choice, which is what they’ll probably get for Brown should they trade him next year.
D) All of the above.
The best line of the season thus far belongs to:
A) Receiver Michael Young, who didn’t have any trouble finding inspiration for an off-season diet. “There are two easy steps to losing 20 pounds,” he said. “Have a first- and second-rounder drafted at your position.”
B) Nose tackle Greg Meisner, who once again spent part of his preseason as a holdout. Meisner held out in 1985, too, the same year Dickerson decided to try the same tactic. “Last time, I was just a note,” Meisner said. “It was always, ‘Greg Meisner is also in the 48th day of his holdout.’ ”
C) Robinson, who said about questions concerning Ram holdouts this summer: “One of the biggest problems in my life right now is how do I go out to practice and keep gum off my shoes. Or two, find somebody who will clean it off.”
The Rams will finish the season:
A) 10-6 and lose in the first round of the playoffs.
B) 12-4, finishing with a regular-season victory over the 49ers and advancing to the NFC Championship.
C) Who knows?