Kill a Vampire? Easy, Unless You’re in Spain

In Cecil Adams’ column “The Straight Dope,” which has appeared in alternative newspapers since 1973, he answered the following question: “What are the preferred ways to kill a vampire?”

“To kill a vampire,” Adams replied, “it is first necessary to determine its ethnic origin. Next, locate the vampire’s daytime whereabouts, i.e., its grave. The telltale signs of a vampirous corpse are fluidity of the blood, lack of putrefaction and flexibility of the limbs (we’re talking about corpses now, mind you). Finally, administer treatment as prescribed below.

“Species, country, approved method of disposal:

Sampiro , Albania, stake through heart.

Nachtzehrer , Bavaria, place coin in mouth, decapitation with ax.

Ogoljen , Bohemia, bury at crossroads.

Krvoijac , Bulgaria, chain to grave with wild roses.

Kathaksano , Crete, boil head in vinegar.

Brukulaco , Greece, cut off and burn head.

Vampire , Hungary, stake through heart. Drive nail through temples.

Dearg-dul , Ireland, pile stones on grave.

Vryolakas , Macedonia, pour boiling oil on, drive nail through navel.

Upier , Poland, bury face downwards.

Gierach , Prussia, put poppy seeds in grave.

Strigoiul , Romania, remove heart, cut in two; garlic in mouth; nail in head.

Vlkoslak , Serbia, cut off toes, drive nail through neck.

Neuntoter , Saxony, lemon in mouth.

Vampiro , Spain, no known remedy.”

The California Department of Education has launched the 1989 High School Drug Abuse Prevention Commercial Contest. Students who create the best anti-drug commercial will be taken to Los Angeles to see their video message professionally produced.

The commercials will then be sent to TV stations across the country. The application deadline is Nov. 14. For more information, call Karen Reist at (213) 469-2029.

“LIFE IS DIVIDED BETWEEN THE HORRIBLE AND THE MISERABLE.”

--WOODY ALLEN