Thanks to Them

It happens in a flash, an instant. Suddenly lives are changed for the better.

Millions of ordinary Americans, usually with little or no recognition or praise, offer extraordinary time to try to improve their world. But their path to good deeds often starts with halting, quirky steps: a debilitating illness and a prayer. A spanking in a youth center. The speech of a nun. A chance meeting at sea with dolphins.

No matter how they decide to do what they do, however, their efforts can by quietly moving: lonely seniors are no longer neglected; high-risk teen-agers get attention from a self-described former tough; crime victims receive some care and attention that the system never could give.

For all the labor, the hard work of all too many largely goes unsung. On a day of thanksgiving, it’s worth telling some of the tales of kindness.

Here are a few:

Joyce Ride

Ride volunteers for Friends Outside, a support group that offers assistance to inmates and their families; for the last three years, she has been president of the board of directors of the Los Angeles County chapter. “Sometimes I describe myself as just a typical Encino housewife who goes to jail. That’s the shortest way to describe what I do, and I am a person of few words.

“I have been visiting women in jail for years as a volunteer for Friends Outside.

“I started as a jail visitor (mostly in the Los Angeles County Jail for Women) 11 years ago, as the result of hearing a nun speak. She was Sister Pat Krommer, and I had invited her to address our women’s group at Encino Presbyterian Church. I was lining up the programs, and found her topic interesting--she was visiting in the men’s jail and was recruiting volunteers to start a program at the women’s jail.

“At the time I was teaching English as a second language, not as a volunteer, and was very happy doing it. I hadn’t thought about doing anything else, but I found Pat Krommer very persuasive. I was sitting next to her while she spoke--this was after a luncheon in the church fellowship hall. She spoke informally, without notes, but with a lot of genuine concern.

“I am not a person easily swayed, but this was a sort of theological thing. Not too long before that I had read (German theologian) Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s book ‘The Cost of Discipleship,’ and one line stood out in my mind: ‘You learn the truth through obedience.’ That simply stuck. And there’s something in the New Testament about ‘I was in prison and you visited me.’ That stayed in my mind, too.

“I thought about it for a few days and gave her a call, then I went through some training. I was extremely nervous at first. I had heard people say things like ‘When women are mean, they are a lot meaner than men.’ I found to my surprise that there was no difference between the women inmates and the other people that I knew.

“About 80% of the inmates we visit are mothers of minor children and, contrary to popular belief, they are most concerned about their families. So the primary thing we do is check on the location and well-being of the children. I think the second most important thing is just listening to them and giving them a feeling that somebody cares. They are eager to talk about themselves; usually they’ve never had anyone to listen.

“I’ve visited with about 1,500 women, many of them two, three or four times. I have found a lot of women with no self-esteem. I’ve had close contact with women who have been battered, beaten and molested in every way. What I have learned is there is no ‘us’ and ‘them.’ There isn’t that much difference.”