Elvis, Schmelvis; Let the Poor ‘Soul’ Alone : But There Are Some Musical Clues as to Where One Searching for Him Might Look

Today marks 54 years since Elvis Presley was born and, perhaps more significantly, 11 years, 4 months and 3.28 weeks since he allegedly died.

One of the things that most intrigued me during 1988--second only to those little puzzles where the tiny steel balls roll into the clown’s nose and eyes--was the relentless fervor of Elvis fans who insisted that the “The King Is Alive--Long Live the King!”

I suspect there won’t be much of a letup in 1989. Two Elvis tribute shows are in town for his birthday this week. A Los Angeles art gallery is filled to the brim with contents of the “World Famous Traveling Elvis Museum.” In May, the Orange County Performing Arts Center hopes to get us all shook up with “Elvis: A Musical Celebration” fresh (well, maybe day-old) from Vegas. And a pizza joint in Orange is selling “Honk If You’re Elvis” bumper stickers (and doing quite well, the manager says).

Beyond all that, in the supermarket this week I saw a tabloid headline screaming “Elvis Records Again--King Has Been Impersonating Himself.” It sort of makes sense. As any TV detective would know, the last place anyone would look for reclusive Elvis would be in his own jumpsuit.

Which makes me think twice about stuff like “The Legend of Elvis” show last Friday in Fullerton--the one “starring Randy E. Castle as the immortal Elvis Presley.” (Italics mine --for all his wealth, Elvis never owned any.) Maybe it was really Him . Or maybe he is traveling quasi-incognito as Ron Stein, who is doing his tribute to Elvis (or, as the case may be, tribute to Himself) tonight at the Crazy Horse Steak house in Santa Ana.

I’m surprised, though, that no one has much explored The King’s own records for clues about his health and long-term plans for the afterlife, the way we all scavenged Beatles albums to corroborate Paul McCartney’s death back in 1970.

Take his very first hit, “Heartbreak Hotel”: “Well since my baby left me, I’ve found a new place to dwell/It’s down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel.” Has anyone checked to see if that’s where he’s hanging out? I’d think Geraldo would have the sense to take his cameras--”live!”--down every Lonely Street the Thomas Bros. could throw his way.

From the hints he left us in “Don’t Be Cruel,” perhaps it would be worth giving the Big E a jingle over at Graceland.

“You know I can be found/Sitting home all alone/If you can’t come around/At least, please, telephone.”

Was it just coincidence that he once recorded the old country gospel song “(There’ll Be) Peace in the Valley (for Me)”? Or was it really a message that one day he would be living under wraps somewhere nearby the Sherman Oaks Galleria? An even better source might be his films. For his movie debut in the creaky Civil War story “Love Me Tender,” Elvis actually got killed. Or did he? At the end, we see his ghostly presence manifest itself while the title song plays one more time. Hey--maybe it wasn’t merely the cheap sentimental ploy we assumed it was, but a prophecy that He one day would Rise Again.

In a creepy way, it does seem a bit like folks are trying to build up a new religion around Elvis. (Read in the Enquirer about Elvis performing miracle cures somewhere in the Midwest?)

The scary thing is, Elvis wasn’t the only one. In 1988, we got other examples of role models from the ‘50s and ‘60s being treated to major deification campaigns. John F. Kennedy and John Lennon also were exhumed and treated to renewed genuflecting. Followers weep over the myriad ways today’s world would be happier, safer, kinder, gentler, static-free or whatever if only They hadn’t Died.

Already, Lennon’s “Imagine” has been elevated from theme song of the peace movement to a reverent benediction. (I guess Lennon let on more than we, or he, ever thought in “The Ballad of John and Yoko,” when he sang: “The way things are going, they’re gonna crucify me.”)

Just think: Maybe in 1,000 years there will be churches where the priest speaks the holy words: “Ask not what your country can do for you” and the congregation responds in toto: “Ask what you can do for your country.”

Or, in my personal favorite scenario, a minister asks his minions to bow their heads, and then solemnly, thoughtfully speaks: “Always remember and honor the wise words of prophet Elvis the Presley when he said , ‘Have you heard the news? There’s good rockin’ tonight. ‘ “

I’m a believer. Hallelujah and amen.