Where Chargers Are Concerned, No Coach Is Good Coach
Everyone has a different way of remembering what it is they have to do on a given day or in a given week.
Many use what might be called the list system. Others have spouses (or secretaries) who nag (or remind) them. Also popular is the magnet, usually a lady-bug, securing a note to the refrigerator.
The oldest reminder, likely, is a string tied around a finger. It is there all the time, a constant companion. Don’t untie it until the chore is finished.
Figuratively, Alex Spanos and Steve Ortmayer have had strings on their fingers for so long their hands have to be turning blue.
Indeed, so much time has elapsed that maybe they should be reminded what the strings are supposed to be reminding them.
It was Dec. 19 when they untied Al Saunders as the Chargers’ coach and commenced their search for a successor.
Since then, it appears their “lists” of things to do have included the following entries . . .
Monday (without fail): “Tell the stupid writers it’ll probably be later this week.”
Thursday (without fail): “Tell the stupid writers it’ll probably be early next week.”
How many times have you heard “later this week” or “early next week”?
Why don’t they just put it on a tape machine? Stick with “later this week” from Sunday through maybe noon Wednesday and then switch it over to “early next week” from noon Wednesday through Saturday.
Obviously, this is not a high-priority item on the Spanos/Ortmayer agenda. I mean, 47 days have passed since Saunders was fired. That’s a week longer than it took Noah to save the San Diego Zoo.
What have these guys been doing?
How many haircuts has Spanos gotten since he started looking for a coach? How many times has the barber asked him about that string on his finger?
I would guess their lists have included . . .
- Christmas shopping.
- Christmas parties.
- Dinner with friends.
- New Year’s parties.
- Bowl games.
- Maybe a luncheon talk or two, assuming they are making public appearances that are not on golf courses.
- Household chores (Ortmayer only, unless Spanos insists upon a turn with the dishes).
- Inspect construction sites (Spanos only, unless Ortmayer is adding on a room).
- College all-star games.
- Complete expense accounts.
- Go to Super Bowl parties.
- Visit with cronies.
- Go to Super Bowl.
- Check newspapers to see if Vince Lombardi picked up the Super Bowl tickets that were left at the will-call window.
Most recently, the process was slowed because Spanos was playing in the Post-Crosby Non-Clambake at Pebble Beach. It would have been an exceptionally worthwhile weekend if Mark O’Meara was a candidate to succeed Saunders.
The thinking was that the Chargers might hire a coach “late last week” if Spanos and his partner did not make the cut at Pebble Beach. Since they made the cut, the hiring would have to be delayed until “early this week.”
However, by then, Ortmayer was busy. Each National Football League team had to come up with a list of 37 “protected players” by Wednesday, and Ortmayer’s chore was to find 37 Chargers worth protecting. He might have saved considerable time if he had listed Billy Ray Smith, Lee Williams, Anthony Miller, Gary Anderson, Gill Byrd, Dennis McKnight and Ralf Mojsiejenko and maybe Jamie Holland and David Richards and drawn the others from a hat.
With the completion of that job, Ortmayer headed to Indianapolis to evaluate college players at the annual Market Square Meat Market.
Another week gone by.
While the Chargers have searched for one individual to run a football team, of all the relatively insignificant things, an entire administration has been put in place in D.C.
I finally have come to a conclusion. Since the hiring of a head coach is so low on the Spanos/Ortmayer list, why bother? Don’t hire a head coach.
Jerry Rhome would run the offense.
Ron Lynn would run the defense.
Wayne Sevier would run the special teams.
Who needs a head coach?
Conflicts? There wouldn’t be any. As long as the offense has the ball, Rhome makes the call. If he turns it over to the special teams on fourth down, Sevier makes the call. On defense, Lynn makes the call until the other team sends either a kicker or punter onto the field . . . when Sevier takes over.
What is all this mystique about the need for a head coach? Why waste the money?
An added benefit is that Ortmayer will not have to worry about getting along with the head coach if there isn’t any.
The drawback is that the head coach is a handy man to have around, particularly when the won-lost record is going south and the fans are becoming increasingly surly. The head coach, you see, is indispensable because he is so readily dispensable.
Without a head coach, it would be a rather one-sided conversation if and when Spanos and Ortmayer sat down and tried to decide whom to fire.
Given the potential for this eventual scenario, I suspect Ortmayer will find a head coach whether the Chargers really need one or not. Probably by early next week or late next week or maybe the week after.