Don Plastic Proboscises for Charity : Britons Develop a Nose for Nonsense

Millions of Britons hid their stiff upper lips under big bright red plastic noses Friday to wallow in such calculated nonsense as bathing in a tub of baked beans, dressing in clown costumes and fright wigs, tossing custard pies at their bosses and kissing policemen.

But it was all for good causes that combined merriment with the serious business of raising funds for the poor of the Third World and domestic charities, such as Princess Anne’s Save the Children Fund.

Comic Relief, the coalition of comedians and aid groups that organized the event, hoped to top the $27 million raised last year through the first Red Nose Day’s sponsored antics, donations and purchases of noses.

About 6 million red noses were sold at pubs, stores and charity shops for about 85 cents apiece. Two million larger models for trucks, taxis and cars went for $1.72 apiece, and some even adorned the noses of British airplanes.

Never have so many acted so silly for those with so little: Even the statue of Prime Minister Winston Churchill outside Parliament sported a red nose.

The event served for all sorts of silliness.

Odoriferous Garden Party

Outside a pub in Swansea, Wales, four people in formal dress dined in the garden atop 8 tons of manure. The two couples washed down a three-course meal with champagne, and hoped to earn about $1,200 for Comic Relief.

Youth worker Paul Ingham and three friends sat in a bath of cold rice pudding in Norwich, Ian Hunt wallowed for 10 hours in a bathtub of baked beans at a London pub, and others bathed in porridge.

In southwest England, 20-year-old building worker Benny Watts had two red noses tattooed on his buttocks and raised about $520 after dropping his trousers in the local pub to prove it.

Residents of Clowne in central England, many dressed in clown suits, declared the town an independent state, set up roadblocks and demanded that incoming motorists pay “chuckle money” and buy noses.

Two policemen sporting red noses and gnome costumes and two colleagues with flashing blue lights on their helmets directed traffic in Leytonstone, east London. Other policemen were enlisted by seven women students from London’s Westminster College who raced around kissing bobbies, and being kissed, to earn about $515.

Some treated officialdom less pleasantly. Tax collectors in Durham stood in the stocks while being pelted with wet sponges. British Rail workers in one office were given the opportunity to throw custard at their bosses, although only about $70 was raised.

Virgin Atlantic airline put the noses on its jets.

The British Broadcasting Corp. televised a seven-hour comedy extravaganza with more than 100 personalities to mark the day.

Royalty took part. The Duchess of York, the popular “Fergie,” a daughter-in-law of Queen Elizabeth II, tied a plastic nose to the ribbon in her hair and was cheered by crowds during a visit to the city of Manchester.

Members of Parliament and at least one Cabinet minister were photographed wearing their noses.

But Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, visiting northeast England, declined to join the red-nosed masses. Handed a nose by schoolboy Raymond Donaldson, she spurned press cries to put it on and passed it to one of her entourage.