Greeting Cards Put New Stamp on Dating Ritual

Situation One: You were under the impression that your blind date had as much fun as you did. But 2 weeks have passed and you haven’t heard a peep out of him. What’s a woman to do?

Solution: Send him a card, perhaps the one that says, “1,387 hours, 22 seconds. Average length of time a woman waits for a man to call. . . . Time’s up.” (Carolyn Bean Cards.)

Situation Two: You and your best friend recently had a no-good-men conversation, which she immediately followed up with an appropriate card. So now you owe her one. How can you outdo her?

Solution: Go to a Hallmark shop, and find the card that says, “We shouldn’t worry about finding a man. There are lots of men out there. They’re married, lunatics and losers, sure, but they’re out there.”

And so on, ad infinitum.

In the past few years, there has been a proliferation of such greeting cards aimed at the singles market. Commonly found in the “Fun and Love” section at gift shops, the humorous cards address every aspect of single life--for better or worse.

There are post-date cards, love-hate cards, losing-weight cards. There are congratulations-on-your-divorce cards and sorry-your-dumb-boyfriend-dumped-you cards. There are cards too sweet for words and cards too dirty for mention.

“We have cards for all the different stages of dating--first date, casual flirtation, longstanding relationships,” Hallmark spokeswoman Barbara Miller said. “They are one of our fastest-growing areas.”

Paper Moon Graphics, the Los Angeles-based manufacturer that rocketed into orbit 12 years ago, sells as many “Fun and Love” cards as it does birthday cards. “In the past 3 years, our relationship cards have had phenomenal success,” said Vivian Lipman, national sales manager for Paper Moon.

Lipman attributed the genre’s upward mobility to relationship-confused yuppies. “So many men have the Peter Pan syndrome (i.e., fear of commitment) that it has become women’s little joke,” she said.

Male-bashing is definitely hot in card land. “Quick: What’s the difference?” asks a Hallmark witticism displaying a rock vs. a man on its cover. Answer: “Right, the rock is slightly more sensitive (also a better listener).”

Larry Templeman, president of Southern California-based Scott Cards (distributed by Recycled Paper Products), gave two reasons for the popularity of male-bashing.

First, women buy 85% to 90% of all greeting cards. “It’s a female-dominated market,” Templeman said.

Furthermore, Templeman added, “all those male-bashing books of the past 10 years” have fanned the fire.

“There’s a double standard,” he said. “Some of the things you can get away with saying about men would be viewed as sexist if said about women.

“But it’s all in fun; I don’t think men take this stuff too seriously.”

Relationship themes have been “revolutionary rather than evolutionary,” said Dennis Chupa, executive director of everyday products for American Greeting. “They emerge almost spontaneously--seemingly overnight,” he said.

Divorce cards did not fare well for American Greeting until they recently gained a sense of humor: “Let’s face it: Your prince turned out to be a frog.”

“Still, divorce cards are tricky, no matter how they’re approached,” Chupa said. “You have to know how the person is handling their divorce before you can send them a joke about it.”

San Francisco-based Carolyn Bean Cards offers this consolation: “Your spouse was a louse. Be sure you get the house.”

A lot of “Fun and Love” cards actually deal with love--or, at least, like. Many do so in a risque manner:

* “The moment our eyes met, the rest of me wanted to get acquainted.” (Carlton.)

* “I’ve had it with you. And boy was it great.” (Paper Moon.)

* “Wanna cuddle? Or whatever.” (Scott Cards.)

* “You make me feel like a kid again. Wanna sleep over?” (Hallmark.)

That last one is about as suggestive as Hallmark gets, but other manufacturers push the limits. “Some of the most conservative-looking people come in here and buy cards with four-letter words,” said Sandra Small, manager of Mr. G’s Expressions card shop in Santa Ana.

Although Hallmark’s 3-year-old Shoebox Cards division sprinkles double-entendres throughout its line of cards, the company still steers clear of strong language.

“It’s a hard call,” spokeswoman Miller admitted. “Our overriding concern is that customers consider our cards in good taste. Yet we don’t want to seem old-fashioned; we want to be timely and to reflect contemporary society.”

Many “Fun and Love” cards reflect the issues singles are facing in contemporary society.

Relationship befuddlement: “If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right. But if loving you is right, I don’t want to be wrong, either. I’m so confused.” (Hallmark.)

Safe sex: “So it’s our first date. How does dinner, a movie and a blood test sound?” (Paper Moon.)

Birth control: One dog to another--”Jowles, I hate to spoil the romantic mood, but have you been fixed?” (Paper Moon.)

Fear of scaring off a love interest: “Please don’t take this as a sign of weakness, but I miss you.” (Scott Cards.)

Noncommittal communication: “I want to tell you how I really feel. I really feel fine, thanks.” (Recycled Paper.)

Unrequited love: “I’m so miserable without you.. . . . It’s almost like having you here.” And, “Thinking of you. . . . Wish you would change.” (Paper Moon.)

But most “Fun and Love” cards are on the lighter side.

Mitch Zack, manager of Krazy Kards store in Santa Ana, summed them up this way: “They get the message across without saying, ‘I want to have your children.’ ”