When Will They See the Light in the Piazza?

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s the Clippers.

When a guy hurts his knee or plays in old Napoli, that’s the Clippers.

Buon giorno, basketball lovers, and welcome to today’s game film, “Il Floppo del Clippo,” starring those speecy-spicy roundball meatballs from the National Basketball Assn.’s Spaghetti Western Division, the men with no names, the bad, the worse and the ugly--the Los Angeles Clippers!

From the Ventura Freeway to the Vatican, you know ‘em, you love ‘em. They’re the Anti-Lakers. Losers of 196 of their last 246 games. Losers of 307 of 420 since leaving San Diego. Losers of 574 of 830 over the last 10 seasons. NBA action! Sometimes it’s not so fantastic!

And guess what? They’re not getting better . . . they’re getting older.

Hear the latest? Danny Ferry has decided he would rather play for something called Messaggero Rome in Italy than play what is laughingly called professional basketball for the Clippers. This of course makes Danielo the leading candidate for 1990’s coveted Ernest and Julio Gallo most-valuable-player award.

What does this all mean for the Clippers?

Instant Lotto!

Pop those envelopes in the hopper, David Stern, and give her a spin. Grab your usual chair right over there, Elgin Baylor, because here we go again. It’s time for another NBA college draft lottery to help the needy. Of course, the Clippers don’t really need a lottery. They need a telethon.

Better think twice about turning pro, Alonzo Mourning and Chris Jackson and you other underclassmen, because the Clippers are coming back for their regular guest appearance on “Wheel of Misfortune.”

By the way, any more Dannys out there? We’re going for the trifecta.

Danny Manning was the No. 1 pick of the 1988 draft. Danny Ferry was the No. 2 pick of the 1989 draft. One guy said: “Ow!” The other said: “Ciao!”

Add the two Danny-boys to the No. 3 pick of the 1987 draft, NBA least-valuable-player Reggie Williams, and you can see that the Clippers have practically perfected the art of picking the wrong man. If the Clippers had to choose among Michael Jordan, Akeem Olajuwon and a banana, they’d choose the banana.

The incredible thing about this latest foul-up is that Danny Ferry was the one applicant who was never screened for the job. The Clippers invited Sean Elliott for an interview and a workout, and Glen Rice, and Stacey King, too. A complete casting call. And soon as they found out Sacramento had settled on Pervis Ellison, the field was wide open.

They took the banana.

Even for the Clippers, this was something approaching a new low. As you know, there is only one thing worse than a Clipper draft choice never showing up, and that’s a Clipper draft choice showing up.

This is a franchise that used its first three draft picks from 1981-83 on Tom Chambers, Terry Cummings and Byron Scott--and didn’t hang onto any of them.

This is a franchise that used its 1985 top pick on Benoit (Don’t Step on My Two Left Shoes) Benjamin, who embodies everything the Clippers represent. Of all the players who had to stay on the roster and had to stay healthy, why did it have to be Benjamin?

This is a franchise that had no first-round pick in 1986, which is a little like stealing a nickel from an orphan.

This is a franchise that had three first-round picks in 1987, and then improved its record to 17-65.

This is a franchise that had two more first-round picks in 1988, and then improved its record to 21-61.

And now, rather than play next season against the Miami Heat and the Orlando Magic and the Minnesota Timberwolves, Danny Ferry has elected to go play against the Genoa Salamis and the Bologna Mozzarellas and the Pisa Anchovies over there in Europe, where even a team as bad as the Clippers could probably win, oh, at least a third of their games.

An athlete turning his back on California, that’s a new one. Now the people here know how Green Bay and Detroit feel with Tony Mandarich and Barry Sanders begging to go someplace else. Now Buffalo can do Los Angeles jokes.

And speaking of going someplace else, if the Raiders really are going to leave town, couldn’t they take the Clippers with them? Oakland and Sacramento already have pro basketball, but Irwindale doesn’t. This is a team that deserves to play in a gravel pit.