‘A SHARING PROPOSITION’ : Program Matches Elderly People in a Sort of Marriage of Convenience
Juanita Davis, 66, and Joseph Wilson, 87, had a lot in common before they met.
Both are Baptists who grew up in the South in homes lacking indoor plumbing. They like to read, watch Westerns on television, putter in the garden and dabble at fix-it projects.
Both recently widowed, they also yearned for companionship and understanding. Then they were matched as roommates by Glendale’s Home Sharing for the Elderly program.
“We have a lot of things to talk about,” said Davis, who has lived with Wilson since last December in the modest three-bedroom home he rents in Glendale.
Davis said she was a little frightened by the city’s suggestion that she live with a man. Now, she said, the two have formed a strong friendship. “If I make a mistake, he hollers at me, and I holler back,” she said.
Wilson, who calls it “a sharing proposition,” pays the rent and provides food and other household needs. Davis does most of the chores, mends Wilson’s clothes, handles correspondence and answers the telephone in exchange for room and board.
Once-Lonely Souls
The pair are among 292 once-lonely souls who have been matched since the city began its home sharing program in 1985.
Operated by the city Parks Department, the program is designed to pair home-seekers--usually low-income individuals who cannot afford comfortable quarters on their own--with home-providers--often elderly widows or widowers living alone in large homes or apartments.
The Glendale program is one of about 50 in the state, said Lois Almen, executive director of the Human Investment Project in San Mateo County and a spokeswoman for the newly formed California Home Sharing Assn. Members are scheduled to meet in September to map strategy to promote home-sharing programs throughout the state, Almen said.
The concept of shared housing is not new. Boarding houses were common until single-family tract developments emerged after World War II, according to the Shared Housing Resource Center in Pennsylvania, a national clearinghouse established in 1981.
“It really is an old idea that has gone full circle,” said Claire Matthews, director of communications for the resource center, which estimates that the number of programs promoting shared housing nationally has grown from about 50 in 1981 to more than 400 today.
“It is an idea whose time has come,” Matthews said.
But matching strangers who are not used to sharing a roof is not an easy task. Only about half of the matches made in Glendale survive longer than a few months, said Cynthia Tyler, program supervisor.
“It’s a difficult thing to mesh two personalities,” said Tyler, who operates the program out of the Glendale Adult Center at 201 E. Colorado St.
“A lot of the people have lived by themselves for a long time,” she said. “They have become very set in their ways. It’s hard for them to learn to compromise.
‘Not an Easy Thing’
“When you look at the divorce rate at which relationships break up--I mean, there you have at least an initial physical attraction--you really have to be invested to keep a partnership together,” she said. “It’s not an easy thing to do.”
The city attempts to match 80 people a year. An annual budget of $40,000 from federal community development funds pays for a full-time supervisor and a part-time administrative intern.
In addition, the city has used state grant money--about $17,000 allocated every two years--to pay for a part-time clerk-typist. That position was expected to be replaced this year by a part-time social worker who would be assigned to recruit home-sharing candidates at the new Sparr Heights Senior Center in Montrose, Tyler said.
However, state funds for home sharing have been cut from the budget this year by Gov. George Deukmejian. Officials in Sacramento said they doubt that the funds will be restored before the budget is finalized in September, largely because of the relatively low success rate of home-sharing programs.
Robert MacLaughlin, a consultant to the Senate subcommittee on aging, argues that the money spent to promote programs--about $1,000 per match--is minuscule compared to the cost of institutionalizing an individual who otherwise could remain independent--about $14,000 a year on a national average.
The state money accounts for only a small portion of Glendale’s program but could significantly affect expansion plans locally and statewide, according to Tyler and shared-housing leaders.
The state has provided more than $1.2 million and assisted more than 10,000 elderly people since it began a shared-housing program in 1981, according to Julie Stewart, assistant director of public affairs for the state Department of Housing and Community Development. The money was cut from the budget this year because of a decrease in tidelands oil revenue, Stewart said.
‘Not for Everyone’
Tyler is quick to agree with critics that home sharing “is not for everyone.” But she said she feels a personal reward when a match flourishes. “You can see so clearly the direct benefit. When someone is in a situation where they are isolated or lonely, you can see the change overnight. That’s what I enjoy.”
Only about 10% of the matches made through the Glendale program are mixed pairs, Tyler said. Typically, an elderly widow who has a large home where she raised her family is matched with another older or middle-aged woman who has a low monthly income.
Renters generally pay $250 to $350 a month to share a home--considerably less than the cost of renting a one-bedroom apartment, which averages at least $550 in Glendale, Tyler said.
Norma Mullins, 55, had lived alone in her two-bedroom Glendale apartment for more than two years after her husband died. Although she works full-time, Mullins said she felt she needed help with expenses when her rent was raised. She has shared her apartment--and the rent--since June with Margaret Brennan, 72, who was forced out of her apartment of 17 years when her rent jumped from $300 to $500 a month.
Chat and Knit
“I used to crochet,” Brennan said. “But Norma knows how to knit. So I brought out my needles and she’s teaching me. We sit in the evenings and chat and knit and purl.”
Some sharers pay little or nothing for rent in exchange for providing services such as cooking, household chores and transportation, Tyler said. “There are as many variations to it as there are people.”
Careful matching is the key to the success of a home-sharing program, said Tyler, who interviews all applicants extensively before referring them to potential partners. Tyler visits each home or apartment that is offered to determine the life style of the individual and the facilities available.
“The whole process of filling out forms and answering questions is real important because, generally, that is when we are trying to clarify their expectations and talk to them about what the program can do for them and to just find out if the program is the right thing for them,” Tyler said.
Pool of Applicants
The city maintains a pool of about 50 applicants and is in the process of computerizing the system to speed the matching process. Applicants are encouraged to interview potential partners and to spend a trial period together before making a final decision, Tyler said.
The city also provides sample contracts to spell out the terms of the agreement and to specify exactly what is expected of each partner. “It’s really important that people do a lot of preparation before they get into a home-sharing arrangement,” Tyler added. “They need to take the time to find the right person.”
Tyler said many people become interested in Glendale’s shared-housing program for financial reasons, but soon discover there are advantages to the companionship aspects. “They’re not alone all the time,” she said.
Davis, the widow sharing a home with Wilson, the elderly widower, said she felt awkward and apprehensive when the city first proposed that she share lodging with a man. She had lived with and cared for other people since her husband died three years ago, she said, but they were all women, usually relatives.
Match Develops
The match with Wilson “was something entirely different for me,” Davis said. “It was a little frightening. But he was patient and didn’t push me.” Now, she said, “We get along like most friends do. We have our differences, but nothing major. We haven’t come to blows yet.”
Davis describes her relationship as “strictly a business arrangement” that has developed into a deep friendship. Earlier attempts to live with a daughter, her married sister and aged mother didn’t work because “none of them could supply the things I felt I needed, which was understanding and companionship,” she said. “I needed somebody to talk to about it over the breakfast table.”
She found that companionship in Wilson, whom she describes as having “a good listening ear.”
Davis said she and Wilson “have a lot in common.” Wilson likes to do minor household repairs, like fixing and painting furniture. Davis enjoys sewing, a hobby enhanced when Wilson “acquired a sewing machine for me.”
Married 68 Years
The home on Melrose Avenue that Wilson rents is packed with furniture, photographs and memorabilia from his 68 years of marriage to his wife, who died in 1988. Davis said the clutter doesn’t bother her “because my husband brought home anything that wasn’t attached.”
Almost nightly, the two dine at Beadle’s Cafeteria in Pasadena, a tradition Wilson began more than 25 years ago.
Wilson describes Davis as “one in a million.” He had tried hiring outside help, but those arrangements didn’t work because he has difficulty hearing, answering the phone and arranging appointments. “I’m not as clever as I once was,” he said. “I need somebody around.”
But finding the proper match may take several attempts.
Bonnie, who describes herself as “a private person” and asked that her name not be used, said she participated in several home-sharing arrangements that failed, usually because her partners were too demanding of her time and services or depressed her with their complaints about problems and ailments.
Don’t Fence Her In
“When I am exposed to somebody who is always down, it begins to drag me down,” said Bonnie, who works during the day. “I don’t like to be fenced in. I want to go when I want to go.”
After several misses, Bonnie said she now has a good match. She has a private room and bath in a Glendale bungalow owned by a 90-year-old widow who is deaf. The woman has a housekeeper, still does her own shopping and has a daughter living nearby who sees to any special needs.
“She is always happy, always up,” Bonnie said of the woman. “She’s really a doll. It’s a wonderful program when you happen to meet the right match.”
