On the Side of Gay Foster Families : Triangle Project’s Goal Is to Give Teens Nurturing Environment

Joe Spizzirri and Gene Mouneu say they were only looking for a good time when they attended the Gay Pride Parade in West Hollywood four years ago.

But what they got instead was a whole new life--and a house full of kids.

The couple, who are gay, attribute their good fortune to a chance meeting at the parade with members of Triangle Project, a nonprofit community agency that recruits gay and lesbian foster parents to care for teen-age children.

Since then, Spizzirri and Mouneu, who have lived together for 15 years, have cared for eight foster children--straight and gay.

“Whether you like gay people or not, we are just doing this for the kids,” said Spizzirri, a hospital nursing supervisor in Riverside County. “We are here to help kids grow up and become productive citizens.”

Triangle Project, one of the only agencies in the country that works exclusively with gay foster families, has placed about 90 teen-agers in foster homes since it began operating in 1983.

Initially, Triangle’s goal of matching gay children with gay foster parents sparked controversy within the county’s Department of Children’s Services. But in 1984, the newly formed department, under pressure from gay activists and threatened with legal action, ordered social workers not to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation when placing teen-agers.

Since then, Triangle--named for the triangular patch homosexuals were forced to wear in Nazi Germany--has operated in relative obscurity, with blessings from the county. In fact, Triangle has received $22,000 annually in county funds since 1984. Last Tuesday, the Board of Supervisors unanimously approved an additional one-time grant of $30,000 for Triangle.

Goal of Nurturing Environment

“Our mission is to give kids who are gay and lesbian or kids who are sexually confused a nurturing environment, a place they will feel safe,” said Gary Kain, Triangle’s director and only full-time employee. “We try either to get kids back with their family of origin or if that’s not a possibility, to prepare kids to become independent adults.”

Teens who say they are gay are placed in gay foster homes only after a careful psychological evaluation confirms their sexual identity, said Albert May, assistant director of the Department of Children’s Services.

Emery Bontrager, a department spokesman, said the program is generally limited to older teens, those 15 to 18 years of age, “many of whom come off the street and are very sophisticated.” Before a final determination is made, however, Bontrager said the youths are evaluated by a social worker and one or more mental health professionals.

Michael Durfee, head of child abuse programs for the Los Angeles County Department of Health Services, said the key question is not whether the foster parents are gay but whether they make good parents.

“If you have thoughtful gay parents or straight parents, they can provide a reference point to look at all of life, which is much more complex than simply whose genitals do you touch,” Durfee said. In some cases, Durfee added, placement in a gay household might convince a teen that he or she isn’t gay after all.

Placement Program Questioned

Others, however, contend that teens often are confused about their own sexuality and they question whether county officials can accurately determine which ones belong in gay households.

One UCLA sexuality expert, who asked not to be identified, said it is impossible to predict adult sexual preferences from teen-age sexual behavior.

“Some people on the way to becoming (gay) have premonitions, others do not,” the expert said. “The answers vary from person to person.”

Outside the realm of health and adoption officials, the program has drawn some criticism.

The Rev. Louis P. Sheldon, chairman of the Traditional Values Coalition, a Christian fundamentalist group, said he is outraged by the idea of placing children in gay and lesbian households.

“It’s an absolute disaster,” Sheldon said. “Young people who have gender identity conflicts are not set in cement. They need reparative therapy.”

Two teen-agers, who live in Triangle foster homes, say they have no regrets. “It’s great,” said 16-year-old Ron (not his real name), who lives with Spizzirri and Mouneu. “In nine months of living here I have a family. In 14 years of living at home, I felt like I had nobody.” Ron, a B student with a passion for theater, was thrown out of his house after his father found out he was gay, he said.

Jane (not her real name), a varsity athlete and an honors student, said she is more comfortable living with lesbian parents.

“It is great living here,” the 17-year-old said. “In straight homes being gay is seen as a problem. Here everyone is gay, so they understand you and are your family.” Jane lived in shelters and on the street for more than a year before moving in with Linda Polse and Meg Charter in 1987.

Law Prohibits Discrimination

California law prohibits county licensing agencies from discriminating against potential foster parents on the basis of sexual preference, said Nicholas Gregory, deputy Los Angeles County counsel. Each state sets its own policy on the sensitive issue.

New Hampshire is the only state that explicitly forbids gays from becoming foster parents, said Wendell Ricketts, an expert on gay and lesbian foster care. In some states, where gay foster parenting is technically allowed, gays and lesbians are virtually excluded from the foster care system.

In Florida, for example, the state’s Department of Health and Rehabilitative Services has never placed a child with a gay couple, said program administrator Margaret Taylor. “It is not against the law, but it is our policy to place children in a family setting--a mother and father kind of thing,” Taylor said.

Gay activists in Los Angeles say that despite the California law, gay and lesbian foster parents here were discriminated against until a few years ago. Those who met the county’s foster parenting requirements had no problem getting licenses, but social workers passed them over when placing the children in foster homes, said Teresa DeCrescenzo, executive director of Los Angeles-based Gay and Lesbian Adolescent Social Services (GLASS).

Change in Mid-1980s

“Historically, the county counsel had been of the opinion that it was not appropriate for gay and lesbian people to be foster parents and that there was no need for a program for gay and lesbian teens because there were none,” DeCrescenzo said.

May, of the Department of Children’s Services, conceded that discrimination occurred until the mid-1980s. “I am sure that some gay and lesbian foster parents were discriminated against,” May said. “This was a hot issue when our department started.”

All that changed, county officials and gay activists agree, when the Board of Supervisors in 1984 removed foster care from the Department of Public Social Services and put it in the hands of a newly created Department of Children’s Services.

According to DeCrescenzo, the change in policy was sparked by several events, including a threatened lawsuit by a lesbian who reportedly was forced to give up her foster child. Triangle also began to exert pressure on the department to change its discriminatory policies about the time the new department’s first director, Lola Hobbs, was appointed.

Hobbs confronted the issue head on with a memo addressed to the staff. “The clarification was you don’t discriminate,” said Hobbs, now the assistant deputy director for San Diego’s Department of Social Services. “Treat them as you would any foster parents.”

The gay community could not have been more pleased.

“It was almost like a light switch,” DeCrescenzo said. “We worked so hard and so long and then all of a sudden the county was able to change its opinion seemingly very easily.”

12 Families Aided

Triangle currently is working with 12 gay and lesbian foster families, about a third of which are headed by a single parent, said Kain, the project’s director. In addition to placing foster children, Triangle provides counseling and a support group for foster families.

In 1988, the program became a part of GLASS, the community agency for gay adolescents, in part, because of financial difficulties, DeCrescenzo said. In addition to county funds, Triangle last year received about $30,000 from GLASS, she added.

DeCrescenzo, who has been involved with Triangle since it began, said problems have been rare. She conceded that a few teen-agers have been removed from Triangle foster homes--either by project officials or the county--when they did not adjust well to the new environment.

“I thank God every day we have never had any instance of child molestation,” DeCrescenzo said. “The caliber of our foster parents is high and we try to do the best possible job of screening them.”

Foster parents said sexuality is just one of many issues they confront in trying to prepare the teen-agers to go out into the world.

In the Spizzirri-Mouneu household, school is a high priority.

“One of our biggest rules is you have to go to school--the top thing is education,” said Mouneu, a mechanical inspector. “Sexuality is not the primary focus. When one of our kids says they are bisexual, I say, ‘So what?’ ”

By the Rules

But the household has plenty of other rules, which Ron knows by heart. “No socializing on school nights, do the dishes, clean my bedroom, in bed by 10 p.m.,” he said with a mock frown on his face. “I do basically the same things as before--the difference is here they trust me. Now, I want to make something out of myself no matter who I am. I didn’t even think of things like that before.”

His foster parents agree that the placement is a good fit.

“Just getting Ron’s report card and seeing the good grades, I was proud,” said Spizzirri. “It makes us glad it is working out so well.”

For Jane, who takes business classes at night while working as a clerk full time, home life is less structured.

“Living here, I get to go to school,” Jane said. “Basically, I do what I want.”

Polse, a computer programmer, said the couple has not found a need to make a lot of rules. “Not making your bed wouldn’t necessarily get you in a lot of trouble in this house; not telling the truth would,” agreed Charter, a manufacturing executive. “Not many rules are needed. We often remind each other we happen to have one terrific young lady here.”