We’ve Reached Circuit Overload on the Issues

Opinions. Do we have too many of them? Do we need more of them? Opinions--bulwark of democracy or high-fiber diet for radio? Go ahead, caller. You can’t even walk into a hardware store to pick up a bungee cord without being drawn into a conflict. In fact, there I was, standing in line buying two bungee cords to replace the one the raccoon ate off my garbage can last night.

Raccoons. Cute animals or cunning antagonists? Go ahead, caller.

The man in front of me in line suddenly starched up and said to the clerk, “I find that T-shirt extremely offensive.”

We were at Ace--Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man. Except that this helpful hardware man was wearing a T-shirt that said: “Adolf Hitler World Tour, 1938-1945.” There was a drawing of Hitler on the front, and on his back was a list of the cities Hitler had visited.

REACTION.

“Yeah, yeah, a lot of people told me it was offensive,” said the helpful hardware man in the Hitler shirt, who was actually a boy of about 19. He was noticeably muscular and blond, and he was wearing camouflage-style pants.

It occurred to me that maybe the shirt wasn’t a joke. Maybe he was one of the phantom Nazi skinheads who keep attacking people.

“Are you a Nazi?” I asked. “You know there really are Nazis.”

“No,” the kid said, getting angry.

“Well, I’m offended, and I’m going to write a letter to the owner of the store,” said the man in line.

“Do what you want,” said the kid, and then he just stalked away from the cash register, leaving us standing there.

Now I was stuck. In a hurry. Just wanting a bungee cord, not a moral dilemma.

Moral dilemmas. Spiritual breakthrough or waste of time? Coming up after this message.

On the one hand, I know the shirt was a satire on the rock ‘n’ roll tour shirts you see everywhere. On the other hand, what if a Holocaust survivor walked in and had to cope with that?

I did have the urge to teach the kid a lesson--a history lesson. To ask him the obvious questions about events that happened 45 years ago. And I could hear him saying, “Yeah, yeah. It’s just a joke.”

Then we could get into a dialogue, an extended dialogue about his right to wear jokes and his right to wear flags and his right to vote on whether I have a baby. And--yeah, yeah--the Holocaust.

REPLACEMENT.

Another clerk came. I bought my bungee cords and went home.

And I was thinking about how weary I am of reacting. Of taking sides. Of having opinions. How little is accomplished in these my-ideas-are-better-than-yours tests of tongue. How everything gets trivialized as we go on automatic Donahue.

Actions--do they speak louder than words? Next time I go into the hardware store, should I lecture the kid or snap a bungee cord on his nose? Should I write the owner or organize a boycott? Do I have to do something or can I just watch Oprah?

Go ahead, caller.