Pot Crops Raise a Taxing Question

Question: How did a 73-year-old retired judge from San Diego become a favorite of the state’s marijuana moguls?

Answer: By ruling in a case in Humboldt County that marijuana enjoys the same protection against taxation during cultivation as other crops. An 1879 provision in the California Constitution says crops in the field cannot be taxed.

Robert O. Staniforth, who retired from San Diego’s 4th District Court of Appeal in 1986, ruled that the Constitution makes no distinction between marijuana and more law-abiding crops like tomatoes, avocados and summer squash. A crop is a crop.

State Atty. Gen. John Van de Kamp, now running for governor as a drug-buster, may appeal.

“It’s a crazy ruling,” said Humboldt County Undersheriff Tom Heilmann. “We’re the pot capital of California; my deputies are pulling up 1,000 plants a day. We need help.”

Asked in 1987 by the State Board of Equalization to begin taxing illegal goods, the Humboldt assessor slapped a property tax increase on seven small-time growers. The growers cried discrimination.

“The Constitution is very clear,” said the growers’ attorney Nancy Diamond, whose Eureka firm specializes in defending marijuana cultivators. Staniforth heard the case as a visiting judge.

Assessors in Plumas and Butte counties are also being sued. Staniforth’s ruling is not binding outside Humboldt County, but it may still deflate the drive to tax pot.

San Diego County Assessor Greg Smith says that taxing the marijuana fields of North County could be tricky.

For one thing, many of the fields are on land owned by the state or federal government, like the Cleveland National Forest.

“Who would I send the property-tax bill to?” Smith asked.

Not-So-Good Ballance

Bill Ballance, the host of a nightly sex-talk show on KFMB radio, is nothing if not original. Take his comments about Pete Rose.

Ballance told listeners Thursday that Rose “has just signed a 30-million-yen deal with the Japs to manage the Corregidor Kings. He’s even going to have his eyes fixed.”

Five minutes later, he said it again. The station received numerous complaints.

Program director Mark Larson, in an interview, noted that Ballance was a Marine during World War II “and sometimes the old terminology just slips out.”

“Bill doesn’t have a bigoted bone in his body,” Larson said. Still, there will be no repeats, he added.

The Hull Truth

If this doesn’t help, you’re out of luck:

* No bass or herring have been found in the Exxon Valdez. Workers at Nassco had expected that some might have been trapped inside during the crunch.

But all that was found was “nontoxic decomposed biological material.” Thus killing potential jokes about the drawbacks of oil-packed fish.

* Del Mar publicist Sonny Sturn hopes to raise $50,000 in private donations so sandcastle sculptor Norman Richard can create a 600-ton replica of St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow as part of the Soviet arts festival.

Stern hopes Richard can work on a plot 40-feet-by-60 outside the Museum of Art in Balboa Park. He’s also done Bethlehem, the missions of California and the Hotel del Coronado.

Not-So-Perfect Foil

When people think there’s something funny in the air, they call the county Air Pollution Control District. Some calls are stranger than others.

Hal Brown, a senior meteorologist, got a call from a distraught woman on Mt. Soledad who felt bombarded by radiation from Point Loma. She demanded an immediate investigation.

Brown had trouble hearing her because of a metallic crinkling sound.

“That’s me,” said the woman. “I’ve wrapped myself in aluminum foil as protection against the electromagnetic waves.”

Brown told her to call the federal Environmental Protection Agency. They’re in charge of radiation.