Why Women Lose Out in Divorce

Patricia White has never regretted her decision to divorce her husband of six years.

What she has regretted, though, was how she went about it.

“I signed the house over to him, the car, and basically left the marriage with what I came in with,” said White, a 32-year-old graphic artist who asked that her real name not be used. “He said he’d fight me for custody of our son if I didn’t, and I guess I just let him intimidate me one more time.

“His mortgage is less than what I pay now in rent for a tiny apartment, and he’s doing great. For me it’s a constant struggle,” she said. “It was stupid of me, I know that now, but it’s a little late to do anything about it.”

White’s story is by no means an isolated one. Despite the passage of no-fault and equitable-distribution divorce laws over the last two decades, many women end up faring significantly worse than their husbands after a divorce.

Living Standard Declines

In a Harvard University study, sociologist Lenore Weitzman found that, on an average, women with minor children experience a 73% decline in their standard of living during the first year after divorce, while their ex-husbands experience a 42% increase in their standard of living.

What hasn’t been addressed until recently, however, are the reasons why.

Said Chris Archambault, director of Divorce Anonymous in Los Angeles, a self-help group based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, women are easily pressured and intimidated into signing things, and regret it later: “I see it all the time. Women can take personal-growth seminars and learn how to develop intimacy, but no one is teaching them how to break up intelligently.”

In recent years, several companies have sought to assist women through the financial maze of divorce with such things as audiocassettes and computer programs. One computer program called “Divorce Plan,” for example, was designed for use by attorneys and their clients in projecting the financial impact of various settlements. Some women, however, have said that these products ignore the emotional factors that led to poor financial decisions in the first place. For women facing divorce, two recently published books may help.

“You’re Entitled! A Divorce Lawyer Talks to Women” (Contemporary Books: $18.95) and “Getting Your Share: A Woman’s Guide to Successful Divorce Strategies” (Crown: $17.95) address everything from choosing the right attorney, getting an accurate picture of family assets and obtaining alimony and child support, to common psychological pitfalls that can cost women dearly.

“The major difference between men and women during a divorce is that women get wrapped up in the emotional aspects of the breakup and men view it as a business deal,” said “You’re Entitled!” author Sidney DeAngelis, a New York divorce attorney since 1955. “Women come into my office and cry. Men walk in and say, ‘OK, how much is this going to cost me?’ The purpose of the book was to get women to look at it the same way.”

Inaction Is Damaging

One of the most damaging courses of action for many women in the early stages of divorce, DeAngelis says, is actually one of no action. Instead of promptly gathering financial information, such as canceled checks, tax returns, deeds, mortgage statements, charge account slips, pension plan information and other papers showing financial worth, many women freeze in their tracks.

“You wouldn’t believe how often I hear, ‘But he’d kill me if he found out I went through those records,’ or, ‘We’re still living together. What if we get back together?’ ” DeAngelis said. “What they don’t realize is that while they are crying about the marriage ending, he’s out there trying to make it look to any judge that he’s as poor as can be.

“He’s paying a so-called debt to his brother, or selling off part of his business to a cousin. If she acts quickly, though, her lawyer will ask the court to freeze all the assets so they can’t be hidden or dissipated.”

Although many women may be tempted to believe their husbands’ claims of full financial disclosure, DeAngelis calls it risky business. “If you believe him when he says, ‘Come on, honey, you know I want you and the kids to be happy. Just trust me, and let’s settle this without the expense of lawyers,’ you’re a goner,” he said. “The bottom line is: If he were so wonderful and trustworthy, you’d still be married to him.”

First Legal Consultation

“Getting Your Share” co-authors, Lois Brenner, head of the family law department of a leading New York City law firm, and Robert Stein, the former editor-in-chief of Redbook and McCall’s, give similar advice. Brenner recalled one woman in her late 40s who showed up for her first legal consultation with obvious qualms. “My husband,” the woman told Brenner, “has always taken good care of me.”

During the course of the conversation, Brenner learned just how well he had taken care of her. After she signed what appeared to be a reasonable separation agreement, the amount of the husband’s checks became irregular and her reimbursement from medical costs was a fraction of what she had actually paid. When the man filed for divorce a short time later, the woman was left with the bare-bones terms of their agreement.

“Over and over again, matrimonial lawyers find themselves representing wives who have been physically or emotionally abused, sexually betrayed and cheated--and who nonetheless continually accept their husbands’ assurances that they will ‘take care of them,’ ” the authors say.

Divorce Anonymous director Archambault calls the ill-founded trust a form of denial: “By not confronting economic issues, they’re thinking, in the back of their minds, that maybe it will go away.”

Unsure of Assets

There are some indications, though, that failure to pursue economic issues may be fueled in large part by ignorance. In one recent national survey of divorce lawyers, 52% of respondents said that most of their women clients had an unclear picture of family assets or income.

Without accurate information, attorneys say they are flying blind.

“It’s impossible to know what you’re entitled to in a divorce if you have no idea what’s there to begin with. And a lot of times, the husband doesn’t want that to be found out,” said Ronald Anteau, a family-law specialist with the Los Angeles law firm of Simke, Chodos, Silberfeld & Anto. “One client’s husband went to Las Vegas and converted thousands of dollars into $100 and $500 casino chips. You’d be amazed how much money can be kept in a shoe box that way.”

According to Michael Kaplan, a forensic accountant in Los Angeles who has worked on more than 400 divorce cases, underreporting of income by the owners of small businesses routinely deprives wives of 20% to 50% of their rightful share of property and support.

Unlike conventional accountants who often take information in financial ledgers at face value and then try to make sense of the numbers, forensic accountants analyze figures and scrutinize them for inconsistencies.

Underreported Income

“If the husband is underreporting income,” said Kaplan, a partner with the Los Angeles accounting firm of Duitch & Franklin, “the wife’s share of the community property will be substantially reduced and her support payments from the husband will be lower than they should be.”

Only a careful examination by a wife’s attorney or accountant of bank statements, paid bills, ledgers and other documents will provide a true picture of the business’s actual worth, he said.

“But in all too many divorces,” Kaplan said, “the wife fails to press for such documents.”