Long gone are the days when the...

Long gone are the days when the big classroom problems facing school administrators were gum-chewers and paper airplane-makers.

Hughes Middle School in the Long Beach Unified School District, for instance, recently issued a bulletin declaring the following fashions to be no-nos:

- “Natas Clothing: Skaters claim that Natas is a renowned skater. Natas spelled backwards is Satan , and many children involved in Satanic gangs wear Natas attire.”

- “Raider Clothing: Throughout L.A. County, (Los Angeles) Raiders clothing is recognized by the police as being the most commonly adopted gang-related clothing symbol.”

- “British Knight Clothing: BK clothing and tennis shoes may symbolize the slogan ‘Blood Killer’ to many gang members.”

Also prohibited are Spandex bicycle pants, which are considered too suggestive.

In some ways, it’s difficult to believe that horses once actually carried men into ear-shattering battle. Now, generations later, they’re so used to the good life in a stall that a walk outdoors can be traumatic. Take the reaction of one such beast out on a Griffith Park trail the other day. The horse actually began shivering and sank to its knees as though in surrender when a strange creature approached on an adjacent path: A golf cart.

The Belmont Heights Market in Long Beach posts a public list of customers who have bought items with bad checks. Odds are that one of the moochers will not be returning to the market soon, though.

Someone wrote this next to his name: “In jail 8 years.”

Graceful was the only word to describe the shapely female as she alighted from the limousine in Pomona. All 700 pounds of her.

It was Thummer, the mascot of the Los Angeles County Fair, making a grand entrance to kick off the 1989 edition. This year, for the first time, Thummer even left her hoof prints in cement in the fair’s new Waddle of Fame.

Truth be told, though, the porker’s real name isn’t Thummer at all. However, it’s a long-time custom of the fair that the mascot be called Thummer.

The 700-pounder whose hoofs were immortalized is actually named Sugar, the star of numerous television commercials.

That’s Southern California, where even the livestock are portrayed by actors.

One musical group scheduled to perform at an anti-nuclear arms gathering Sunday on the Santa Monica Pier is called Soy Cowboy.

The members of Soy Cowboy describe themselves as “Asian surf rockabillies.”

Think the Asian surf rockabillies have ever bellied up to the Kosher Burrito stand downtown?