Raining Cats and Dogs on Our Pet Peeves
You may have read Greta Beigel’s story the other day about Westside stores that sell glitzy jewelry and haute couture duds for dogs and cats; such accouterments are also available by mail order.
My wife has a catalogue from a house called Pedigrees, and it contains not only such practical aids as food bowls, litter boxes and flea collars (none of which I have ever known to work), but also such luxury articles as rhinestone-studded collars, thermostatically controlled heated beds, and a “practically indestructible polyethylene ball.”
With disarming honesty the catalogue notes that the ball used to be listed as “totally indestructible, but a customer gave one to a lion.”
The dogs pictured in these ads are mostly lap dogs--that is, small enough to sit in one’s lap--and damnably cute--fluffy little dogs with big ears, soulful eyes and pug noses.
The tone of the book is set by the cover, which shows a tiny brown dog of the kind just described, sitting beside an orange kitten. Both are wearing lace collars with large maroon satin bows. Both are looking directly into the camera with devastating innocence.
As I turn through the pages I wonder once again whether cats and dogs are capable of that common human emotion--embarrassment. I have discussed this question at length in previous columns and concluded, as I remember, that dogs are but cats aren’t. Cats are too arrogant and self-centered to be embarrassed. Similarly, dogs often show shame; cats never do.
One of the first items in the catalogue is a “decorator pillow.” The ad shows what appears to be a cocker spaniel reclining on a large blue pillow of floral fabric with ruffled edges. Like most of the items it evidently is designed more with the owner’s taste in mind than the dog’s. (I must say the dog looks intelligent, happy and comfortable.)
That thought is borne out by an ad for matching sweaters. It shows what appears to be a schnauzer encased in a crew-neck red sweater with a floral white band across the chest, sitting on the upraised knee of its mistress, who wears a matching sweater. (Is the dog aware that his mistress wears a matching sweater?)
We come to a cute little bearded terrier (his name is Schultz) in a hooded red nylon raincoat . It says, “Our slicker-style raincoat lets you laugh at rain or snow showers.”
That appears to be addressed directly to the dog, rather than to his master, but of course we know the dog won’t have any choice in the matter--whether he wears a raincoat or not.
My Airedale, Fleetwood Pugsley, used to luxuriate in the rain. He had a perfectly dry doghouse, but when it rained he would stand out in it like a horse, until he was gloriously drenched. I’m sure he would have scorned a raincoat.
An item that embarrasses me to mention is called piddle-pants. Its purpose should be obvious from its name. “Blue denim for boys or hot pink for girls.”
I was taken in for a moment by an ad for “cat earrings.” I was wondering how we could put them on our three wild kittens when I realized suddenly that they were for the mistress, not the cat.
There is no doubt, though, that the rhinestone collar is for the dog, not the mistress. But I don’t see why a really glitzy mistress couldn’t wear one.
Another item of ambiguous purpose is the 24-inch red vinyl fire hydrant. The ad suggests that it may be used as a chest for your dog’s toys, or may actually be placed outdoors to serve its historic function.
Of course the catalogue lists numerous items aimed at improving the pet’s comfort, health and well-being, such as name tags, ultrasonic flea repellers, anti-itching sprays, flea combs, doghouses, cat exercise pens and rawhide chewing treats.
But many of the items are for the master or mistress: T-shirts imprinted with your pet’s picture, stone figures of your dog or cat, watches with pictures of your pet’s breed on the face, tote bags with same, “personalized” picture frames engraved with your pet’s name, sterling silver rings ornamented by cats with sapphire eyes, neckties with your pet’s breed embroidered on, and a life-size Sandicast sculpture of a pug.
Why do I feel that somehow we’ve neglected our pets?
