Educators Put New Label on Dumb Campus Pranks

Alan Arkin once starred in a giggly little movie called “Simon.”

Arkin plays an oddball psychology professor who submits to a mind-altering experiment that makes him think he’s from another planet. His girlfriend, played by Madeline Kahn, then accuses him of acting alienated.

“Of course, I’m alienated,” Arkin responds. “I’m an alien.”

What brings this to mind is that colleges and universities seem to have discovered that

students sometimes act sophomoric. The reason seems to have eluded them.

Instead, administrators have created a new category of student misconduct--insensitivity--and a new way of stomping it out. Students found guilty are being sentenced to a re-education camp regimen to straighten out their thinking.

At San Diego State University, two male Anglos wear sombreros and serapes while selling nachos on the Quad. Bingo, a committee is established to review any future “ethnic” celebrations.

At UC San Diego, a fraternity brings a stripper on campus to wallow in some oil. In a plea bargain, the frat cops out to sexual harassment and agrees to listen to feminist lectures.

It’s unclear just who was being harassed. No complaints were heard from the several hundred howling, foot-stomping fellows in the all-male audience.

Never mind that one of the female complainants was later reported to have hired a male stripper for a birthday party.

As in so many academic things, the University of California is a leader in the movement toward mandatory civility.

UC President David P. Gardner last week announced that, effective immediately, students can be punished, even kicked out, for using words “widely recognized to be derogatory references to race, ethnicity, religion, sex, sexual orientation, disability and other personal characteristics.”

Keep in mind that this isn’t for the heavy stuff: hazing, threats, prolonged harassment, physical intimidation. That’s already covered in the student conduct code, as well as various state and federal statutes.

This is more for the lesser stuff: dormitory dust-ups, locker room jostling, etc.

Surely Gardner doesn’t mean to ban all insults. A campus where verbal knife fights occur only in Faculty Senate meetings would be a dull place indeed.

Under Gardner’s rules, the old “Saturday Night Live” insult, “Jane, you ignorant slut,” is obviously verboten . The rural epithet, “You frequenter of small, slow-moving heifers,” is probably banned under the “sex, sexual orientation, disability” covenants.

A favorite of mine, “you guano-brained numskull,” might be covered under “other personal characteristics,” but it’s difficult to tell.

What we need is a list of officially sanctioned insults, ripostes and knockdowns. Maybe there’s a federal grant available to do some research in the area.

Building a Majority

Worried about a slow-growth majority taking over the City Council, the Building Industry Assn. is planning a furious fight in the 1st District.

The BIA political action committee sent out an “urgent immediate attention” letter to BIA members seeking support for Bob Trettin’s campaign against Councilwoman Abbe Wolfsheimer.

“Our industry and the very jobs we represent here in San Diego are at stake,” the BIA letter says. “ . . . If your company does not have someone assigned to help (get out the vote) on Election Day, we need your assistance in getting this done.”

Battle of the Stars in 76th

Money and other things.

- The issues of abortion and gun control have the Hollywood set interested in Tuesday’s special election in the 76th Assembly District.

Tricia Hunter has contributions from Henry Mancini and John Ritter. Write-in candidate Dick Lyles has an endorsement from Sylvester Stallone, a fund-raiser by Pat Boone and a mailer from Charlton Heston.

- Hunter has support from the anesthesiologists’ political action committee. It’s known as GasPac.