Deciding What to Give and How Much to Spend on Your Date’s Gift

To buy or not to buy--that is the question. Or whether it is nobler to choose an affordable gift--and suffer the slings and arrows of those who might judge thee a cheapskate--or overextend thyself, thus maxing out thy Visa and Mastercard.

Ah, yes, it’s that time of year again. Time to put yourself through the customary machinations of gift-giving. As an SPOI (Single Person--One Income), it’s tough enough buying for immediate family--your parents, grandparents, siblings, in-laws--but what about the person you’ve been dating? Maybe you’ve only been seeing each other a short time; do you buy a gift? Or maybe he or she is your “steady”; how much should you spend?

Lisa Ferber, 26, of Fullerton takes a wait-and-see approach.

“I can usually sense if he’s going to buy me a gift and roughly how much he’ll spend. I don’t want to buy him a $100 sweater if he’s buying me something inexpensive--not because I’m petty; I just don’t want him to feel embarrassed. I keep a couple of $15 to $20 gifts on hand for emergencies. I open his gift first, then depending on what he gives me, I give him something comparable.”

Don Gardner, 42, of Garden Grove says he buys what he can afford and lets the chips fall where they may. “Occasionally, women I’ve dated have spent more money on me than I did on them--which can be uncomfortable--but you can’t really tell someone not to. I may not reciprocate equally, but I don’t feel guilty about it. I always take my dates to nice restaurants or plays and concerts--I’m generous in other ways.”

Cindy Wald, 38, of Brea has learned to be true to herself.

“I used to overspend at Christmas and then work overtime for the next six months paying off credit-card bills. One advantage to being female is that men don’t seem to expect gifts the way we do. To save money, I buy during sales--and listen for clues as to what he really needs or wants. That way he knows I put thought into it, even if it wasn’t real expensive.”

Joe Pontorero, 26, of Orange agrees, and says that the gifts he enjoys most are ones that come straight from the heart.

“I could care less how much a woman spends on me--it’s the thought that counts. I’d rather have her cook me a great dinner than buy me a gift. The best way to my heart is definitely through my stomach.”

Candace Kraft, 32, of Costa Mesa says gift exchanges can be embarrassing--and annoying.

“Last year I was seeing a very rich doctor. For weeks he made a point of saying that he was looking for just the right gift for me. I assumed he’d spend $200 or $300 on me. I couldn’t afford it, but I sort of felt obliged and I bought him a piece of crystal to add to his collection. I spent about $80 on this guy.” And what did he give her? “A cheap--I mean really cheap--wooden box made in Taiwan. I was stunned!”

Debbie Blum, 21, of Westminster believes in giving for its own sake.

“My boyfriend doesn’t have a job right now. He’s going to college, living at home and doesn’t have extra income--except what his parents give him--so I don’t expect much. He’s been generous in the past, so I just buy him what I want and I don’t worry about getting it back. I think people should give from their hearts, not from their heads.”

Many singles also are frustrated about buying for family and married friends.

Gena Giordano, 25, of Anaheim Hills says that family members often forget she has a limited income.

“I’m Italian--we have a big family--and now my brothers and sisters have gotten married and are having kids. They have double incomes and only have to buy me one gift, but I have to buy for them and their kids. Sometimes they overlook that fact.”

Lonny Wagoner, 34, of Dana Point says that his family solved the problem this year by deciding to draw names.

“Our family grew so large that Christmas just got ridiculous. I think drawing names is a great answer.”

And for single seniors, giving and receiving can be equally problematic.

“Many people don’t stop to think that seniors live on fixed incomes and can’t afford to spend a lot of money on gifts,” says Winifred Todd, a Laguna Beach senior who has been widowed for 10 years.

Todd says many seniors appreciate receiving gifts of time more than money.

She believes that practical gifts are the best bet. “For those who can no longer drive, a trip to the grocery store or beauty shop is a most welcome gift. Stamps or greeting cards for all occasions would also be wonderful.”