And now, new tales about USC’s controversial...

And now, new tales about USC’s controversial marching band, the group that isn’t always what it seems to be.

In our last episode, you may recall, we mentioned that the current Trojan band includes a handful of professionals who are non-students.

While band officials compared these “teaching assistants” to assistant coaches on a college football team, the difference, of course, is that assistant coaches do not make tackles and throw passes during games.

This band summoned forth memories of the school’s legendary 1966 group, which had such a poor turnout that non-musicians were recruited to simply carry instruments to fill out the ranks. It became known as the “Library Band” for its lack of volume.

Now comes Bill Walleck of Bent Parade Floats, who recalls another unique USC band--the one that marched behind a convertible carrying then-First Lady Pat Nixon in the 1973 Tournament of Roses Parade.

The front line of uniformed, instrument-carrying Trojans, Walleck learned, was composed of Secret Service agents.

While we’re on the subject of undercover officers, how about a salute for the Smog Police of the South Coast Air Quality Management District? They’ve had a big year, targeting 78,000 polluting vehicles.

Prospective members of the Smog Police force do not have to take a physical. Anyone can join (sort of like the situation with the 1966 USC band). All you have to do is phone 1-800-CUT-SMOG when you see a smoking car, or fill out and mail one of the agency’s citation blanks.

The subject of such a sighting receives a letter from the AQMD, which requests that any needed repairs be made.

While it’s a voluntary program, the agency says that about 15% to 20% of the selected subjects do send in proof that they’ve repaired their vehicles.

Citizen support for the program seems to be increasing. After all, few would argue with the notion that all of L.A. should be a nonsmoking-car section.

Los Feliz Boulevard has a Christmasy kind of ring to it--”Feliz Navidad” is a holiday standard. So you’d think that there’d be a cheery story behind the name. Especially when it translates loosely as “The Happy Ones.”

Alas, no.

The boulevard, south of Griffith Park, runs along the old path used a century and a half ago by one Domingo Los Feliz, a wealthy rancher.

In his later years, Los Feliz took a beautiful young bride, Maria del Rosario Villa. There was a great celebration with food and music (though this was before the time of USC marching bands).

Los Feliz’s love proved stronger than hers, however, and Maria soon ran off with a drifter from Sonora, Mexico, named Alipas. The prideful Los Feliz chased them down and retrieved his wayward wife in San Gabriel. But on their horseback ride home, he was ambushed by Alipas, who stabbed him to death, according to Lee Shippey, author of “It’s a California Custom.”

Alipas and Mrs. Los Feliz were jailed in L.A. The case dragged on. Finally, a vigilante committee hanged the illicit lovers.

Thus ended the unhappy story of Los Feliz.

Worried about that post-holiday letdown? Here’s something to look forward to: The City of Industry has been chosen to host the first annual Great Snail Festival from March 30 through April 1.

A press release says that the event will create “a light-hearted atmosphere of games and entertainment” with “activities such as the ‘snail toss.’ ”

Light-hearted, at least, from the humans’ point of view.

It will probably become another California custom.