One Holiday Gift That Can’t Be Forgotten, Returned or Removed

Having trouble finding just the right gift for Grandma or Uncle Ned?

Have you considered a tattoo? A skin illustration. Epidermis art. An indelible decoration.

The Christmas season is slow for San Diego’s tattoo parlors. If you’re in the mood to bargain hard with a man holding a pulsating needle in his hand, you can get some swell deals.

A tiger entwined in combat with a panther for a mere $200. A quickie MOM in a red heart for $50. A rose, a parrot or any form of multicolor exotica erotica.

“Our trade is mostly sailors,” said Judy Parker, proprietor of Blue Dragon Tattoos. “At Christmas, they’re thinking of saving money and seeing their families. When they start thinking of going home, they stop thinking of tattoos.”

Jim Gumkle, manager of Formerly Old Doc Webb tattoo parlor, has found a way around the Christmas slump. Gift certificates! $25 minimum.

“We think they make nice stocking stuffers,” Gumkle said. “Usually it’s dad buying for his son or maybe a guy buying for his girlfriend. If it’s a guy buying for his girl, it’s his way of saying, ‘It’s OK with me.’ ”

Gumkle sold a gift certificate to a young man who wanted to surprise his dad. The delighted dad opted for a yellow rose behind his ankle, symbolism unknown.

If the tattoo business has a holiday downturn, not so its upscale cousin: permanent makeup.

This is a busy season for Scientific Care & Skin Salon in La Jolla, which sells permanent eyeliner and eyebrow enhancement, applied in tattoo fashion.

“We do a lot of women who are out Christmas shopping and come by on the spur of the moment,” said manager Betty Bayliss. “After all, where else can you buy something these days that lasts forever?”

Tuesday Night Live

There’s no business like . . . .

* When reporters and editors assembled at La Gran Tapa to bid farewell to Times sportswriter Brian Hewitt (off to the new sports daily, The National), three familiar faces were spotted nearby.

Steve Martin, Rick Moranis and Joan Cusack are in San Diego to film “My Blue Heaven.” With a waitress as go-between, the Times group offered to buy the Hollywood trio a round of drinks.

Martin send back word: “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m still peeved about a Times review from 1971.”

He had that arrow-in-the-head look that showed he was kidding.

Otherwise, it would have been irresistible: “Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuse meeee!”

* A homeowner in Encinitas arranged his outside Christmas lights to spell, “Elvis Lives.” Don’t ask me why.

* Jimmy Walker (J.J. on the old sitcom “Good Times”) has canceled as a headliner for the Libertarian Party state convention in Mission Valley in February. Scheduling conflicts.

With his acting career waning, Walker has been on the comedy circuit with “Libertarian humor,” poking fun at government. Sample:

“What’s the only drug Post Office employees never use?”

Answer: “Speed.”

With Walker out, the Libertarians have found a local replacement: Steve Kelley, editorial cartoonist for the San Diego Union.

The Mayor Had Reservations

The civic whirl:

* Old boyism dies hard.

The Kiwanis Club invited Mayor Maureen O’Connor to be a guest of honor at next week’s Holiday Bowl luncheon. Said the official request:

“You would be seated at the luncheon at the head table and your wife would be seated in a reserved section in the front. Please let us know. . . . “

* The couches at the newly opened Corinthian Suites Hotel in downtown San Diego are not made of Corinthian leather. I checked.

* An escalator at the new waterfront convention center has snatched the tennis shoes off three children who were dragging their feet. No injuries but the center had to buy the three new pairs of L.A. Gear.

The escalator, since repaired, has earned the nickname The Great White, as in “Jaws.”