Best of Mailbag

Here are some of Zaslow’s favorites from his question-and-answer mailbag:

DEAR ZAZZ: I read that Madonna angrily stormed out of the beauty parlor in Hollywood when she discovered workers were selling her toenail clippings for $70 a set. It seems that fans want whatever they can get from the stars they love. . . . Why don’t celebrities save nail clippings, haircut remnants and old clothing and sell them--the proceeds going to their favorite charities? I’m for it.

DEAR FOR IT: A toenail telethon might attract viewers, sponsors and contributions at a healthy clip but it would be kind of sick. Then there’d be the problem of determining authenticity.

DEAR ZAZZ: I dropped out of high school without graduating. Now the 10-year reunion is coming up and I’d like to go. Should I? Unsure.

DEAR UNSURE: Go to the reunion and have a good time. Most of your former classmates will be too busy worrying about their own appearances or histories to remember (or care) that you didn’t graduate. And if some snob brings it up, reply: “You’re right, I didn’t graduate. By the way, what happened to your face?”

DEAR ZAZZ: I’m a very attractive 28-year-old woman. My husband likes me to walk around the house nude. He says I am beautiful and he enjoys looking at me. . . . What I don’t understand is why he sometimes encourages me to remain naked when his friends come over. . . . Are many husbands like this? Maryland wife.

DEAR MARYLAND: As you may know, I’m an advice columnist who often makes house calls. I think its more appropriate, however, if I handle this question without making a visit.

DEAR ZAZZ: My husband is a very special man, and I would love to see his face on Mt. Rushmore . . . How might I go about getting this idea in motion. His Biggest Fan.

DEAR FAN: Should Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln or Teddy Roosevelt ever fall out of favor, I suppose their likenesses could be recarved to resemble someone else--your husband perhaps. . . . I suggest you find a more modest way to honor and glorify your husband. Maybe your local luncheonette could name a sandwich after him.