Tomorrow’s Leaders Will Learn From Good Parents

One of 1989’s box-office successes was a rather small film by release standards. Unlike its heavily hyped competitor “Batman,” the film “Parenthood” led a rather quiet but long life.

The story illustrates the complexity of parent/child relationships with several themes: parenthood is forever; parents can never completely control their children, and when parenting, the best a person can do is recognize that there will be short-term ups and downs and that by focusing on the long-term outcome, parents will help produce the best results.

Going further, the film raises such fundamental issues as accountability, long-term thinking, modest goals, acceptance of limits and cooperation. Expanding upon the metaphor of family as society, parents serve as metaphor for a new concept of leadership.

The hands-off leadership of the recent past created some problems that people now want solved, and they want leaders willing to risk popularity to solve those problems.

To meet this new set of needs, leaders must respond to bottom-up signals emanating from employees, constituents and others, instead of trying to get these same people to continue accepting top-down pronouncements. Praise for the Reaganesque style of top-down, hands-off management died with the Iran-Contra hearings. The parent metaphor could offer some new approaches for business, political and community leaders searching for a way to deal with recent attitude changes in society.

INVOLVEMENT--Detachment, separation and hands-off leadership will no longer win favor. In “Parenthood,” emotional attachment to the child’s success remains the major motivation. Yet, excessive control also blinds the parents to the best course of action. The parents who try to raise a brilliant child in order to look more brilliant themselves realize that they are misusing their authority and damaging the kid’s life. By the end, they have realized that a larger sense of direction balances their emotional blindness and that a combination of emotional and rational involvement yields the best results.

SENSITIVE CONTROL--Arrogant, self-righteous or assertive control has lost its “Dallas” and “Dynasty” allure. The film’s single-parent mother reorders her priorities to be able to spend time to understand her two children’s needs and wants; consequently, her advice is heard and, thus, of value. Taking into account the needs of those influenced by authority’s power will create a more positive outcome.

ACCOUNTABILITY--Hopping from company to company or from political post to political post and maintaining a distance from past mistakes now looks like failed leadership. In “Parenthood,” the grandfather realizes that he is responsible for his mistakes. He yielded too often to one son (now 28), and that son now lives his life shiftlessly, borrowing, betting and even lying. The grandfather recognizes his shortcomings and takes responsibility for the adult son when he gets in trouble. “You’re a parent forever,” he explains.

LIVING WITH REALITY--Denial, avoidance and rejection therapy may be required for future leaders. As life within the three families in “Parenthood” suggests, a little chaos within the system can actually stimulate both the leader and the follower. Yet leaders, like parents, must come to grips with reality--including the unexpected, unfortunate and problematic--and utilize the best tools available to deal with that reality.

LEADERS, NOT MANAGERS--The parent’s role is to originate plans, direct offspring development and anticipate problems. In the film, most of the parents merely manage the family, and that simple administrative role drives them to distraction. Reality denies them the manager’s dream of total control, but that does not mean that they cannot lead for the long term. They seem overwhelmed when they look at the day-to-day routines, the small troubles and the details of emotional distress.

From the larger perspective, however, they recognize the general direction of events, draw larger conclusions and understand who they are and what they should do. As managers, they felt that the task (avoiding any problem) seemed impossible; as leaders (accepting problems and looking past them), they gained a certain understanding.

While “Parenthood” hardly exhausts the problems or the solutions of either parenthood or leadership, its appearance at this time, its popularity and its linkage between parenting and decision-making do make it a rich and compelling source for thought. Paternalism, authoritarianism, laissez-faire management and go-with-the-flow leadership can no longer handle the problems and issues facing people today. The parent metaphor for leadership, based on accepting responsibility and examining issues with a longer term perspective, does offer insights into a new approach that is more in line with the changing attitudes of Americans.