Home as Sex Symbol

Forget the customized Porsche, the hand-tailored Armani suit, the gold Rolex. The best prop nowadays for impressing members of the opposite sex is a house.

Frank, a 34-year-old entertainment publicist from Palms, lamented that while discussing what’s appealing in a mate, his female companion looked at his shiny BMW and snidely commented, “Your car’s a turnoff. What women want is a house.”

This mark of status arouses desire in both sexes, especially as many Los Angeles area men realize they’ll need all the equity they can muster to buy property that’s livable.

While interrogating me over the telephone before arranging a dinner date, a 31-year-old West L.A. computer salesman complained about the cost of condos and then pointedly asked, “Do you rent or own?”

These days, that seems to be the $64,000, or rather $300,000, question in deciding a potential spouse’s attributes. Elusive as it is in this ever-spiraling, already-unbelievable market, real estate heats up the Richter romantic scale like nothing else.

Single renters, both men and women, often talk encyclopedically about the process of buying a house. But, it’s usually in a “How-am-I-ever-going-to-afford-one?” tone. The more they look, listen and learn, the more scared they become that they’re doomed to “rentalhood.” There’s something sexy about someone who has mastered loans, down payments and escrow and has concrete or even wood-and-stucco proof of ownership.

“It means security. Your husband (to-be) is not a bum and he’s making money,” said Cindy, a Canoga Park schoolteacher, 36, who was milling about at a Van Nuys singles dance.

Like most of the other singles in this article, Cindy agreed to be interviewed only on the condition that her last name not be used. Most said they feared they would appear insincere and materialistic.

“I pay rent; the rent keeps going up,” said a female video producer. “I try saving for a house, but they’re so incredibly expensive I don’t think I’ll ever be able to buy one on my own.

“When I date a guy who owns a house, I picture myself relaxing in it. I see myself cooking in the kitchen, hanging up my clothes in the closet. . . . Then I start thinking, ‘It would be great to get married and just kind of move in.’ ”

Susan Block, an authority on contemporary courtship who matches up singles for a call-in radio show on KFOX, said: “We’re all talking about the ‘90s in terms of the ‘Nesting 90s,’ and so people are very concerned about having a home. Singles who rent would like to meet someone who owns something.”

And some singles who already own would like their mate to have a house or the means to buy one, so they can upgrade their holdings.

Michael, a 29-year-old single jeweler who just bought a condo in Culver City, likes to know a woman’s income and how much money her family has before deciding to go out on a date.

“If I get married and have kids, I’ll need to buy a bigger place,” he said. “I barely can afford this house on my salary alone, so the woman has to earn a certain amount before I consider going out with her.”

Practicality is “in” in the ‘90s; freewheeling independence is out. Today’s young generation yearns for home, stability and community--a sense of place, rootedness or neighborhood that is missing from many of our lives.

And, of course, the bigger and better-located the home, the greater one’s marriageability quotient.

According to Block, author of “Advertising for Love: How to Play the Personals,” singles ads in magazines and newspapers often are now more likely to read “own house” or “homeowner,” and usually include where the house is located if it’s in prime turf. Some personal-ad writers even taunt with catch lines taken straight from the real estate ads--”beautiful Spanish villa in Hollywood Hills” or “majestic beachfront property.”

The house as sex symbol has created major differences in decor and amenities between single and married homeowners, especially among men, said Scott C. Fraser, a USC psychology professor who teaches classes on courtship and sexual behavior.

Single-owned homes tend to be more high-tech, replete with audiovisual equipment, gourmet dining appliances such as espresso and cappuccino-making machines, exercise gizmos, wine apparatus, hot tubs and spas.

“They’re demonstrating to potential mates their resources and their attractiveness,” Fraser said. “So you’ll have a lot of objects, decorations, appliances that are things you wouldn’t be using, but they are chosen displays to potential mates. You wouldn’t have them when you’re married.”

Some single homeowners include a room specially designed for the opposite sex, Block said. The room is often a bedroom and bathroom and is stocked with the appropriate toiletries that one might need when staying overnight.

“Most people make an office or a weight room with extra rooms. But this room for ‘the woman that is going to move in with me someday’ makes you appear really put together, like the house isn’t only for your needs,” said John, an attorney, looking at the panoramic view of Los Angeles from his Hollywood Hills home.

But even without the “special room,” a house can be a seduction trap. Feeling nested and comfortable as a guest in a prospect’s home often ignites desire to spend the night there.

A 40-year-old computer entrepreneur who claims to be looking for Ms. Right--and is dating about five or six women a week to achieve that goal--just bought a huge three-story house on the Westside. He insists that dates meet him at his house so he can give them the tour of its gadgetized kitchen, walk-in closets as big as a bathroom and lighting-controlled bathroom that is as big as a living room.

“He lets the house do the seducing for him,” Block said.

“When I mention to people that I own a house and it’s a duplex, their ears perk up,” said Janet, a 42-year-old escrow officer who lives in one of the two adjacent houses she owns in Fox Hills. “It is a very distinct impression that this woman has her stuff together.”

A 37-year-old real estate broker who buys and sells fixer-upper houses for most of his income can attest to how his sprawling four-bedroom-with-pool-and-spa home in the San Fernando Valley spruced up his social life.

“I have a lot of parties here . . . . Women see the house and the grounds, and many of them show a lot of interest. I get a lot of dates,” he said, using the remote panel to lower the volume on his big-screen TV. “I go to parties at other people’s houses and I have a real hard time just getting a phone number.”

Some single homeowners prefer to be more closemouthed about their real estate holdings to potential beaus, like realtor Elaine Golden-Gealer, 48, who owns a three-bedroom house and two nearby units.

“Someone might like them for what they own instead of who they are,” she said. “I find that (a woman owning a house) scares some guys. They might be intimidated by a strong, independent woman.”

But in this house-as-sex-symbol era, some singles are turned off by a house that doesn’t meet their specifications. After all, you are what you mortgage--in the same way you used to be what you drive. Location becomes very important, and a single who disapproves of a would-be-spouse’s house may trash the relationship.

Block speaks of a woman who liked everything about a guy, but dumped him because she didn’t like where he lived. “Instead of, ‘I couldn’t be with that guy’ being the reason she doesn’t want to go out with him, it’s, ‘I couldn’t live in that house,’ ” Block said.

“One of my friends with a gorgeous house is a little bit concerned that women like him for his house,” Block said. “Many women I’ve seen that go into that house don’t care about his personality, they don’t care about his looks--they want that house.”