Decoding the Party Dress Code: Don’t Wear Out Your Welcome

She still shudders at the thought.

“The invitation said California Casual, so I wore jeans and a blouse!”

Tsk tsk tsk , said the eyes that looked Jane Wurth up and down at the midday cocktail-buffet she attended last fall in one of Newport Beach’s toniest homes.

When Wurth arrived and saw women stepping from their cars in knits, flowing silks, even a cocktail dress or two, Wurth felt, well, worthless. She told her husband Larry: “I can’t go in there!”

But Larry, who had donated a pretty penny to attend the party, insisted she make an entrance. “I was embarrassed,” she says. “I mean, I thought we were going to be eating chili, beans and hot dogs! And here are all of these women in everything from gorgeous pants outfits to cocktail dresses. People must love to really dress up around here.

“I like to dress up too, but when I do, it’s usually for a ballroom party. But I’ve learned my lesson. The next time an invitation reads ‘California Casual,’ you won’t see me in pants of any kind. I’ll be dressed up.”

Jane Wurth isn’t alone. A few years ago I received an invitation to go to an evening affair at Pilar Wayne’s La Roca manse in Newport Beach. The dress code read: Informal. Well, I thought, it’s an evening party, so I’ll throw on my little black dress. It takes me anywhere. But what my husband, Bob, should wear was a puzzlement. Certainly “informal” didn’t mean a suit. Most likely it meant slacks, a cashmere pullover and a dress shirt. Right? Wrong. At Pilar Wayne’s, “Informal” means women in perky chiffons and men in three-piece suits. In other words: “Dress up, dear guests, but leave your black ties and ankle-length gowns at home.”

What’s a party-goer to do? For starters, says Billur Wallerich, fashion and marketing director of Saks Fifth Avenue in Costa Mesa, a couple need to keep their eyes on the time of the party. An evening party always demands a dressier look. And a mid-afternoon party means you can throw on a little shine. And, when in doubt, call the hostess or the party chairperson for clarification.

Meanwhile, clip and save the following list to help you decode the dress code. It’s born of years of observation on my part and years of Billur Wallerich’s dressing some of Orange County’s most fashionable party hostesses.

California Casual: This is a cute way of saying, “Wear something synonymous with the California life style.” Translated, that means a comfortable, wholesome look that will be great when you’re seated around the pool or on a sofa in a private home. Wallerich says: “The California Casual look never means shorts and sneakers. It means wear something trendy and fun, or something flowy or strapless with a designer sandal.” Men can wear silk blend slacks, and a sport coat with or without a tie.

Informal: This can mean the same as California Casual, or it can mean not too formal. To be safe, check with your hostess and pay careful attention to the time of the gathering.

Formal: A hostess who sends out an invitation with “formal” on it is asking for trouble. She should say “cocktail” if she means black ties are unnecessary. And if she means black-tie, that , not “formal,” should be on the invitation.

Cocktail: In Orange County, “cocktail” means “short and sexy”--from the glitziest Bob Mackie to the most streamlined Valentino knit. Black is the color of choice (nothing displays those twinkling diamonds better). But jewel tones are also a favorite. “They stand out next to the black,” Wallerich says. Coats are musts only when weather dictates. “Floor-length lynx in summer is a bit much. Dinner suits work nicely when the invitation stipulates ‘cocktail.’ I love to see a well-tailored suit with some decoration--embroidery, applique, gold touches--come to a cocktail party.” Men must wear suits; snazzy tie preferred.

Black Tie: Wallerich likes to see women in long gowns at these affairs. “Black tie traditionally dictates a long gown or flowing pants like this season’s palazzos,” she says. “At black-tie galas, a woman should pull out the stops.”

Still, many Orange County women prefer to wear a three-quarter length dress to black-tie parties. And some are stubborn about showing up in a short and glitzy look. “I like to wear short dresses to black-tie parties so I can dance ,” wails one socialite. “Long gowns get dirty at the hem when you spend time on the dance floor. Plus, they make you trip.”

But, if you want to be perfectly correct, long is best.

Black Tie Preferred: This code means the hosts are afraid people will stay away if they demand that men wear black ties. So men are welcome to attend in suits. But remember, black tie is preferred. If you show up in a suit, you will feel perfectly dressed, but you won’t fit in at the chairperson’s table. Women can wear a shorter look to this kind of party without having second thoughts.

White Tie: The most formal of looks. “ Definitely a long ball gown,” says Wallerich. “You don’t want to be caught in a short cocktail dress at this kind of party. Or even in palazzos.” Traditionally, men wear mother-of-pearl studs to white-tie affairs.

White Tie Preferred: This code can drive you crazy. You must wear either black or white tie to this kind of celebration. Here, the choice is for the male. A woman should still wear a long gown.

Psssst!: If ever there be a gala to dress to kill for, it’s the one that will be tossed this June on stage at the Orange County Performing Arts Center to honor Henry Segerstrom, outgoing chairman of the Center. You can bet Henry’s wife, Renee, will dazzle the masses in a stunner by Yves Saint Laurent. Word’s out it’s going to be ultra-dressy. Black or white tie? Let’s hope for white. Mr. Performing Arts deserves nothing less.