Being 52 Is No Reason to Give Up on Romance

Kathryn, as I shall call her, a widow for five years, wrote in response to a recent Single Life column. In her letter, she shares her thoughts, feelings and memories--sparked, she said, by something I had written.

I treasured the fact that she would write to a relative stranger about the success of her marriage and about the pain she feels being older and single.

She reminisces about romantic evenings with her husband, recalling their mutual love of classical music and good wine. Her husband was a cultured, intellectual man who had always allowed her the freedom to be herself, she says. She continues to enjoy concerts and good books, and her long teaching career continues to stimulate and satisfy her. She adds that she is blessed with loving children and strong friendships. But she longs to love again. She feels, though, that at 52, she is “out of the running.”

“No man would consider me when there are such lovely younger women around,” she wrote.

This woman, obviously bright and talented, feels rejected by what she sees as a youth-oriented culture that ignores wisdom and reliability of a woman like her in favor of the snap, crackle and pop of someone whose main asset is a young, hard body.

Kathryn has given up. She gives herself little hope of meeting someone with whom she can share the balance of her life.

That’s a tragedy. Everywhere we turn, we are bombarded with images of youth and of the desirability of recapturing one’s youth, of striving for physical--not intellectual or spiritual--perfection. Cultures of the Far East have long recognized the value of their older, wiser citizens; these people are respected, even revered. European society dignifies its elders. But our woefully shortsighted culture routinely dismisses those who have attained a certain age.

Fortunately, not every man is obsessed with younger women. Some say that they find they have little in common with young women, that they prefer partners closer to their own ages. Further, many of them cherish the outer as well as the inner beauty of their female contemporaries.

Growing older in a culture such as ours may not be fun, but it is inevitable. It should not become an excuse to avoid the challenge of finding someone to love.

Everyone, regardless of age, needs to be loved. Being loved, however, requires that we first believe in ourselves and expect the best. We may not always get what we deserve in life, but we do get what we expect.

If what we expect is love, then love will find us--at any age.