Here it is, the traditional day to...

Here it is, the traditional day to take the bathing suit out of storage and load up your ice chest for . . .

The Lake Los Angeles Beach Party!

Frankie and Annette won’t be there, but several bands will perform in the sand today and Sunday with absolutely no fear of getting their musical instruments wet.

Lake L.A., which is more than 60 miles from L.A. in the northeast corner of the county, contains no water. The party is being in the lake bed, which has been dry ever since its Santa Monica developer drained it and left.

You might consider Lake L.A. a bit out of the way. And somewhat lacking for body surfers. But Colleen Green of the Lake L.A. Chamber of Commerce makes one point worth pondering these days:

“There’ll be plenty of parking available.”

Earthquake forecasting is still an inexact science, but the L.A. Historic Theatre Foundation is confidently predicting that the Southland will suffer some unbelievable damage on the screen May 18-20.

During “Disaster-Prone L.A.,” a 12-hour series at the Los Angeles Theater:

--City Hall will be blown up by Martians (“War of the Worlds”);

--Most of L.A. will be destroyed by the Big One (“Earthquake”), except for the Triforium, and,

--A nuclear war will leave Wilshire Boulevard with no sights save the Tar Pits (“Miracle Mile”).

Ticket revenues will go toward saving L.A.’s historic movie theaters on Broadway, whose loss would be a real-life catastrophe.

Brother, can you spare a tort? A longtime downtown panhandler was handing out flyers the other day, advertising a group of lawyers.

U.S. Rep. Dana Rohrabacher and a Christian radio station in North Hollywood have launched a conservative art contest to show that certain types of art are being discriminated against.

“The weird, the pornographic, the sacrilegious are being favored over the classical, traditional and inspirational,” he said at a news conference at radio station KKLA.

Rohrabacher, a Lomita Republican who has protested the government funding of artworks that he considers obscene, was asked to define conservative art.

“If a monkey could have possibly done it,” he said, “it probably isn’t art.”

But if a monkey named Bonzo co-starred in it. . . .

We all know that a stunt parakeet’s life is fraught with danger. But no one guessed that the end would come this way for Axl, age 1 1/2.

Asleep in a Universal City hotel room the night before he was to appear on the Johnny Carson Show, Axl was accidentally crushed to death.

“My roommate fell asleep next to him and rolled over on Axl,” said owner David Cota, explaining that the parakeet was in bed because it was feared that the bird would have trouble going to sleep in a hotel room.

Axl, who was buried in a private service near Universal City, was capable of rolling over, standing on his head, putting a beer cap in a cup and playing dead.

MisceLAny:

Verdugo Hills translates as Executioner Hills.