Something Is Rotten in Williamsburg

Colonists wouldn’t have believed it.

The tourists won’t believe it. The judges don’t want to believe it. Williamsburg is harboring a secret and it’s about to assault the residents of this quaint town right before their very noses. It’s the Odor-Eaters Southeast Rotten Sneaker Contest.

Tongues droop, heels drag, toes gape and odor is prime. The Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest kicked off Friday.

Expert judges will be on hand to find the grungiest sneakers in the southern colonies. Contestants will put their worst foot forward as the director of The Health Department stands shoulder to shoulder with the director of the Sewer Authority and a journalist, all of whom are intimately acquainted with things most foul. The judges will soon know why Dr. Herbert Lapidus, inventor of Odor-Eaters and Chief Odoroligist, uses the ten foot formula.

“If I can smell them from ten feet, they’re in the race; at fifteen feet, they have a toe-hold on the title; and at twenty feet those sneakers are contenders for the Odor-Eaters Hall of Fumes.”