Wildfires traumatize us all. Here’s how to cope

You now know that wild and urban fires cause physical destruction of land and property, but in this last edition of the newsletter we’re going to dive into how they can also take a toll on your mental health.

In an instant anyone living in or near an active fire zone can experience evacuations, displacement, loss of property, loss of life and health concerns.

Experts from Loma Linda Health University reported trauma associated with natural disasters, such as wildfires, is classified as a Big “T” Trauma, “meaning the event is severe enough to overwhelm a person’s ability to cope due to its life-threatening nature.”

The devastating effect of this type of event will affect everyone differently, but the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration stated common responses before, during and after a wildfire include: overwhelming anxiety, constant worrying, trouble sleeping and other depression-like symptoms.

People most at risk of experiencing these types of distress are those who live in areas where wildfires often occur, including Arizona, California, Colorado and Utah, according to SAMHSA. Other groups of people who are at risk of emotional distress from a wildfire are children, older adults, first responders and recovery workers.

There are ways to prepare, as much as you can, for a fire disaster and there are ways that you can prepare to be a part of a fire survivor’s support system too.

How to support an adult survivor

What can you say to a friend or family member who lost their home, livelihood or a loved one to a fire disaster?

Times staff writer Deborah Netburn explored how people want to provide support but don’t know what could possibly be sufficient in the face of such devastating loss.

Experts told Netburn there is no right answer when it comes to processing grief and trauma.

“The most important thing you can do is be brave and reach out,” she said.

You can send a response text that says:

• “I’m so sorry.”
• “I’m here for you.”
• “I love you.”

It may feel trivial, but letting a friend, neighbor or co-worker know you’re thinking about them and want to help can be extremely powerful, Sarah Caliboso-Soto, assistant director of clinical programs at the USC Suzanne Dworak-Peck School of Social Work, told Netburn.

During this conversation you might want to offer your support and ask what you can do to help, but understand that fire survivors might be in a place where they don’t know what they need.

You can respond to that by saying, “I get that, but I will be here for you as different needs come up,” said Melissa Brymer, director of terrorism and disaster programs for UCLA’s national center for child traumatic stress.

If you can, be proactive by thinking about what burden you can help alleviate.

Some examples Netburn shared include:

• If your friend has kids in school, you might offer to take them to school along with your own kids when classes resume, or host a play date at your house once a week to relieve some parenting pressure.
• If your loved one has a pet, you can offer to pick up pet food so they don’t have to.

There are two things to avoid when talking to and trying to comfort a fire survivor.

The first is to abstain from asking a fire survivor how they’re doing. Experts say that although it does come from a good place it can come off as insensitive. A better option to ask about their welfare is, “How is it going today?” or “How is it going right now?”

Secondly, experts warn against the inclination to be too encouraging or positive with someone experiencing overwhelming loss, Netburn reported. Telling someone to “look on the bright side” or reminding them of what they didn’t lose can invalidate a person’s grieving process.

How to talk about the devastation with children

Children are at risk of experiencing emotional distress due to disasters such as wildfire, as SAMHSA stated above, but a child is less likely to experience the event as a trauma if they are offered an explanation, a story to understand and emotional support from a trusted loving adult, Becky Kennedy, a psychologist and best-selling author of the parenting guide “Good Inside,” told Times staff writer Jenny Gold.

Gold dived into the best way to help your child understand a fire disaster and she found that experts resoundingly advise adults to be honest and reassuring and to deliver information in a simple, age-appropriate way.

But before you approach a child in your life, make sure you regulate your own emotions.

When you’re ready, approach the child knowing that you’ll probably have this conversation multiple times over a period of weeks or months.

A child’s reaction will vary depending on their age and Gold reported tips on what to expect and how to approach them.

Babies and toddlers: Children at this age who experienced the effects of the fires can become disregulated, fussier and harder to soothe. Taking a moment to regulate your own breathing and talking to the child in a calm way can help. You’ll also want to help give the child a sense of normalcy by trying to stick to their routine and make time for fun moments of singing, play and stories.

Preschool-age children: Dr. Gregory Leskin, a psychologist and program director with the National Child Traumatic Stress Network at UCLA, said that after 9/11 they observed young children building towers and then flying toy cars or planes into them to process what had happened. After a fire disaster, Leskin said she expects to see more play about fire engines or a fire in a dollhouse.

Experts told Gold, instead of rushing into their game to remind them, “everything’s OK,” join in as a helper. For example, you can say you’re coming from another fire station to help put out the fire.

Preschool-age children are likely to have behavioral changes such as becoming clingy, waking up frequently at night or becoming pickier eaters. Experts say to allow them to go through this phase, let them be clingy or let them sleep in your bed.

Elementary school children: At this age experts recommend adults limit media exposure for kids. That includes turning the news off and limiting fire images, especially if the child is feeling upset.

When children meet up with their friends at school they’ll probably share information with one another or on social media. Parents and guardians should be ready to help them understand and interpret what they’re hearing from their peers. If there’s something that’s inaccurate, correct it.

You already have a grasp on who your friends and family members are, so think about how these tips can be tailored to your loved ones in the event of a disaster.

You’ve arrived at the final installment of In Case of Fire, the L.A. Times’ newsletter guide to wildfire readiness and resilience in your inbox. Thank you for following along. We hope you feel better prepared for a potential wildfire disaster.