If you haven’t had any luck with...

If you haven’t had any luck with Lotto, you might try locating the Lost City of the Lizard People. Hopi legend says it’s underneath downtown L.A., filled with 4-foot-long, solid-gold tablets. Before you set out, though, imagine the effect of a discovery of gold--you think traffic in L.A. is bad now. . . .

The recently published book “Mysterious California” recounts the 1934 search of mining engineer W. Warren Shufelt for the underground chamber, supposedly built for protection by the Lizard folks after a massive fire swept through the area thousands of years ago. (It’s possible that some of the Lizardites’ forebears may still be seen on Hollywood Boulevard.)

Shufelt said that he divined the site with the aid of a Hopi chief and a “radio X-ray”--”sort of a glorified dowsing pendulum,” writes Mike Marinacci in “Mysterious California.”

The mining engineer theorized that the Lost City was shaped like a giant lizard, with the head underneath Chavez Ravine (now Dodger Stadium) and the tail beneath the downtown Library. On North Hill Street, near the present site of the county courthouse, he dug a 350-foot-deep shaft. But he never struck gold. Nor has Metro Rail, so far.

Nevertheless, Only in L.A., willing to do anything to win the affection of readers, has re-published Shufelt’s 60-year-old map of the Lost City.

If only it had that “You Are Here” key.

Suzie Clark heard a more recent story of riches from her golf instructor at a Westside course. The instructor spoke of a “hot-shot teen-ager in Beverly Hills” who had so much confidence in his swing that he took the ultimate dare for a youth from that area.

Before one tee shot, the kid took off his Rolex wristwatch and set it just a few inches from the ball.

Think of romantic journeys--taking the Orient Express from Paris to Istanbul, taking the Queen Elizabeth from London to New York, and, of course, taking TWA from Burbank to Long Beach.

Too bad if you never made the latter journey, an unforgettable 40-minute run. It was canceled the other day.

Actually, what was canceled was the airline’s Newark-Burbank-Long Beach flight. It was originally designed to save Eastern travelers from the traumatic experience of dealing with LAX.

But some crafty businessmen/women in the Valley would board in Burbank and fly to Long Beach ($57 each way), thereby avoiding the dreaded San Diego Freeway.

By doing so, they also would gain the minimum credit of 750 miles (each way) on TWA’s frequent flyer plan. During the triple-mileage-bonus wars, a round trip between Burbank and Long Beach could net a passenger 4,500 miles of credit.

Well, there’s still the Orient Express.

Lee Solters of the Mid-Wilshire area saw a diaper service truck carrying a sign that said:

“We cover the waterfront.”

miscelLAny:

The county’s only carrier-pigeon mail service was inaugurated in 1894 when a bird named Orlando set off from Santa Catalina Island for Bunker Hill. He arrived 54 minutes later with his message. The service continued for a few years until the Pacific Wireless Co. established itself on Catalina, putting the pigeons out of business.