They’re Up the Thames Minus a Mobile Paddle

George Lawson, a spokesman for the Royal Henley Regatta, wouldn’t last three minutes in Los Angeles. This week, he and fellow officials at the 151-year-old rowing event pulled the plug on mobile phone users.

“People using the place for business are out of character with the aims of the enclosure,” Lawson said. “If we don’t nip it in the bud, we will have 150 people chattering on these phones in five years’ time. We have to set standards.”

What a nightmare. You’re watching Salisbury School and Kings School battle for the Princess Elizabeth Cup. The boats are stroke-for-stroke 100 meters from the finish. Cheering spectators crowd the banks of the Thames. And you can’t call your broker.

Add Henley: This year’s regatta rules state that women’s skirts “must cover the knees.” In the past, they “should not be above the knee.” However, because of constant wet weather, raincoats have made it difficult for official knee-checkers. In turn, local clothiers’ sales have suffered because spectators can hide their offending hemlines, rather than return to town to buy the correct length.

Trivia time: The U.S. Postal Service’s newest commemorative stamps, issued Friday, salute five of America’s top Olympic performers--Eddie Eagan, Ray Ewry, Helene Madison, Jesse Owens and Hazel Wightman. Can you name their sports?

Still not overturned: Alfred Alchendiak, 70, claims that a $140 trifecta ticket he bought two years ago is a $1,304 winner. He’s so sure of it that he has filed suit against Tampa Greyhound Track, its officials and the state pari-mutuel board.

Five times.

Last week, Alchendiak’s suit was rejected again, but he vowed to give it a sixth try.

The problem arose when track judges ruled that the third dog in Alchendiak’s wager, Oshkosh Zest, bumped his second dog, Ari Cannon, from behind. Oshkosh Zest nose-dived into the track, flipped and flew across the finish line upside down and backward--but ahead of the fourth dog. Alchendiak cites the racing rules, which say that judges “shall consider only the relative position of the respective noses of such greyhounds.”

Trivia answer: Eagan, boxing and bobsledding; Ewry, track and field; Madison, swimming; Owens, track and field; Wightman, tennis.

Trivia footnote: Eagan is the only athlete in Olympic history to win gold medals in both the Summer and Winter Games. In boxing, he won the gold medal in the light-heavyweight division at Antwerp, Belgium, in 1920. In bobsledding, he was a member of the four-man sled that won at Lake Placid, N.Y., in 1932. Before arriving at Lake Placid, Eagan had never been in a bobsled.

Quotebook: Henry Kissinger, interviewed in Rome this week: “I’ve been making profound statements on international politics for years, I’ve written hundreds of articles, but I’ve never received so much attention as at the World Cup games.”