MAKING IT WORK : Maintain Separate Interests, Don’t Compete

If the idea of going into business with your spouse strikes you as romantic, open your eyes. Husbands and wives who are able to work together successfully are the exceptions. For most couples, mixing marriage and work is a volatile combination. Jeanne Preble, a licensed marriage, family and children’s therapist who practices in Fullerton and Irvine, says those who succeed have learned that:

* Too much togetherness destroys romance. One of the most exciting things that happens in a marriage is the sharing of different worlds at the end of the workday. If you work together, you have to find other ways to bring new passions and interests into the relationship. If you don’t have separate interests, you eventually will become bored with each other. It’s like living one life instead of two. Think of your marriage as a pond into which you must each bring fresh water.

* Bringing work home narrows the focus of your relationship. Don’t let work become your whole life.

* Your relationship should provide enough independence for each of you to continue your individual growth. If working with your spouse is stifling your growth, get another job.

* Treat one another as you would any other colleague. Discuss work-related problems at the office--and don’t let personal matters interfere with business.

* Power plays between spouses in the workplace can wreck your home life. Don’t ever put yourself in a position of having to compete with your spouse.

* If you can have mutual respect and admiration for each other on the job--and keep your personal and professional relationships separate--it’s working.