MAKING IT WORK : Ways to Recognize Intricacies of Misunderstanding

There are many ways for couples to misunderstand each other, and recognizing them is the first step toward better communication, says Bobbi Nesheim, a psychotherapist who founded the Center for Creative Growth in Fullerton and also practices in San Clemente. She also advises:

* Constantly be aware that everyone is unique. Being different doesn’t mean one of you is right or wrong. Honor your differences.

* Never assume that you know what the other person is thinking or the rationale for his or her behavior. When in doubt, ask.

* Remember that you have a right to request and a right to refuse.

* Stop and think before you blurt something out. Mean what you say and say what you mean.

* Take time out to listen.

* Confrontation is good because it clears the air, but don’t put each other down or bring up the past. And choose a time when you’re both strong and ready to talk.

* Cultivate your sense of humor.