MAKING IT WORK : Talk It Out Before and During

If you’ve been reduced to bickering while traveling with your mate, don’t be ashamed to admit it. With a little eavesdropping, you’ll discover you’re not the only one feeling tense when you’re supposed to be having fun. Ellis Wayne, a Newport Beach psychologist and frequent traveler, offers these suggestions to help make you and your mate less testy when traveling:

* Before you leave, sit down and talk about what each of you wants from the trip.

* Don’t make decisions on the first day of a trip when you are tired and haven’t had time to adjust to your new surroundings.

* Be aware of your partner’s desires and tolerances. If your partner is miserable on a trip, you will be too, so do what you can to make the trip good for your mate. That doesn’t mean you have to give up everything you want to do, however. Compromise.

* If you don’t share the same interests, spend some time apart. When you return to each other, you’ll have adventures to share. And neither of you will feel cheated.

* If you and your mate are very different, don’t go on the kind of trip that’s going to cause tension. Go where it’s comfortable so your differences will be minimized rather than aggravated.