Of Bovines and Provolone, Manly Handshakes and the Politics of Milk

Lured by an award-winning provolone, I am at the San Diego Convention Center (and adjoining Marriott Hotel) for the annual convention of the National Milk Producers Federation.

These are 1,400 people who make a living in milk.

Some are farmers who begin each morning, summer-fall-winter-and-spring, staring at the business end of a cow or a two.

Many of these farmers have developed bone-squeezing handshakes. It’s an occupational asset but sometimes a social liability.

Also attending the convention are officers of milk cooperatives and agribusiness conglomerates. Their hands rarely touch anything more rough-hewn than the pages of the Wall Street Journal.

Different people have different reasons for praising the convention center: the nifty architecture, the billion-dollar boost it provides for the tourist industry, blah, blah. . . . Myself, I like it because it attracts people and concerns we might otherwise miss in homogenous San Diego.

When, for example, is the last time you witnessed a heated discussion of bovine mastitis?

That’s one of the main concerns of the convention. That and politics. Both can wipe out a herd.

Federal price supports are life and death. Collectively and individually, milk producers play politics to the max.

The convention keynote speaker is trend spotter Kevin Phillips, author of “The Politics of Rich and Poor.”

Other speakers: Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.), chairman of the Senate Agriculture Committee; Rep. E. (Kika) de la Garza (D-Tex.), chairman of the House Agriculture Committee, and Reps. Charles Stenholm (D-Tex.) and Harold L. Volkmer (D-Mo.), both members of the House Ag Committee.

Can you spell h-o-n-o-r-a-r-i-u-m?

“Only 52 members of Congress give a damn about agriculture,” said Earl Strehlow, a dairy farmer from Hettinger, N.D. “The rest just want cheap food: something for nothing.”

The convention opener is a cheese contest, judged by two food science professors and an expert from the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The criteria: aroma, flavor, body and texture.

The grand winner is this year’s provolone by Mid-America Dairymen Inc. of Bloomer, Wis. I find it delicate yet provocative.

John Gherty, president-chief executive officer of Land O’ Lakes Inc. of Minneapolis, insists that I try his medium Cheddar, which took a first in its category. I find it perky yet not presumptuous.

The Rev. Joe Carroll, who runs the St. Vincent de Paul-Joan Kroc Center for the homeless in downtown San Diego, has gotten the milk producers to pledge 2,000 pounds of cheese for the center.

He’s working the crowd. “I’ll take cash, out-of-town checks, more cheese, anything you’ve got,” he says cheerfully.

Carroll said he routinely scans the list of conventions for possible donations to feed and shelter San Diego’s growing number of homeless. He calls the donations “a byproduct of the Convention Center.”

He particularly likes conventions of doctors and food producers.

He even got some dog food from a pet-lovers’ convention. The homeless often keep dogs for protection, he explained.

Police Work, It Ain’t

More matter, less art.

* Assistant Sheriff Jack Drown, facing unemployment soon after losing a race for sheriff, has gotten his first job offer in the mail.

The letter writer said he had seen Drown campaigning and thought he had just the job for him. He included a video.

After watching the video, Drown says he’ll say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

The job: selling Amway products.

* No harm, no foul.

The San Diego city attorney’s office Thursday decided not to file charges of indecent exposure against three scantily dressed “ring-card girls.”

The three had been cited by the vice squad at a boxing match last week at the Mission Valley Marriott.

The reason: No pictures, no evidence of full nudity, no suggestive conduct.

And very little chance of getting a conviction.